How do I let my mother-in-law know how I feel?

Question

I am now pregnant and my mother-in-law has all sorts of "advice" for me. She is a traditional person and has all kinds of superstitious beliefs which I personally think is all nonsense. And she loves to poke her nose into everything! I really cant stand her! How can I let her know that I dont share her beliefs, and would like my own privacy without being rude. I know she is just concerned about us.

And by the way, We stay in the same house.

Answer 1

Just try to ignore it. Everyone and I mean everyone has something to say about being pregnant. I am sure she means well as does everyone in the grocery store and the friend who never remembers your due date. A lot of people have happy memories of their experience and want to share with you. Unfortunately they want to share it with you when you are the most uncomfortable that you have ever been in your life and you just want to be left alone. If you just can't ignore it try to say that the advice a book/doctor gave you is what you prefer to follow as tactfully as possible. You might feel differantly about her after the hormones where off. Also maybe your husband could advacate for you without implicating you. He could ask mom to back off a little without saying you asked him too.

Answer 2

Talk to your husband and come up with a plan for how you are going to handle things after the baby is born. For now let many things go in one ear and out the other. Just don't let her know that is what is happening. Change the subject when possible. After the birth give her things to do that don't open up a can of worms. Let your husband handle his mother, if he will. Remember, she raised the kid you love. She must have done somethings right She is probably very excited as I'd hope she would be. Try not to put yourself and the baby between your husband and his mother, Bad plan!!!!

Answer 3

I'm sure that your mother in law has nothing but the best intentions for you and the baby, although it can be annoying! If it is very bad and causing you stress though I would go to your husband and discuss this with him and come to an agreement with him to sit down and speak with her calmly. She may not realize that she is stressing you out and talking to her and letting her know is the only way she will understand. Good luck!

Answer 4

I think that if she offers "advice," then be polite, say thank you (she IS trying to help, most likely), and then do it your own way. You aren't going to change her superstitions, even if you give her facts; just realize that simply because she suggests something, it doesn't mean you have to DO it. If she asks you about something you don't feel comfortable discussing - for ANY reason - then simply say, "I don't feel comfortable discussing that." If she asks why, repeat that you don't feel comfortable, as many times as it takes. DON'T try to give her a reason - to give her any REASON is to play into the "why" game. I gather she lives close to you; if so, and she tries to monopolize your time, simply tell her that you have plans if she wants to do something; your plans don't have to be anything more than having some quiet time and privacy for yourself. If she comes by your home unannounced, be polite, but tell her that you're resting, and that you'll see her another time. Be polite but firm.

Let her have her beliefs, be polite, but stand your ground and do things your own way.

Answer 5

If you don't want to personally confront her try telling your husband your concerns so that he can talk to her about it, after all it is his mother!! He will know the best approach. Otherwise, you're just going to have to let her know that you can handle it and you understand she is concerned but would like your privacy.

Answer 6

O god it seems like all mother-in-law are the same, i have one too and it's not easy, talk to your husband about it, tell him that you don't feel comfortable about his mom sticking nose in everything , and that you understand that she is concerned and more comfortable without her concerns..and if that don't help than tell her your self...they can be pain in the a**

Answer 7

You poor soul. If I had to live with my Mother-in-law I would of been divorced long ago. All you can do it be honest with her and maybe have your hubby back you up. Although I tried this with my MiL and it just made her even worse, my hubby is kinda a wimp when it comes to his mom. I don't care it's our baby not hers. Just remember, although she gives plenty of advice, remember you don't have to use it♥ My heart goes out to you. Good luck with your new baby.♥

Answer 8

Sometimes you have to rude. What worked for me was telling my MIL that times have changed and are nothing like they used to be when it comes to having kids. We actually just had to have this discussion yeaterday because she is trying to give my 10 month old milk products, which rots in their stomachs before they're a year.

Answer 9

I always wonder how people can love somebody and hate their parents. Try to love the woman. Do you realize that what goes around will come around and your daughter-in-law will feel the same way about you? I think she has advice for you because she at least likes you and is dying to see her grand. You say yourself that she is "just concerned about us." You sound cruel and uncaring. Sorry.

Answer 10

I finally asked my mother-in-law to write down all the advice she could think of so that I could take it to my doctor for her perspective. I think that put all those silly rules and tips into perspective for her because her list only consisted of things she "was truly convinced of." Some of them actually proved to be correct and it was fun for her and I to laugh about the wives tales she had tried to pass-on. It allowed her to give advice and gave us something constructive to talk about. I guess you could say and bit of bonding :-)