I've been married three years, after a courtship that lasted for two and a half years. I am crazy about my husband and love him madly. But things have just about never worked out... since the start we've been having huge fights, but we kept hoping we'll work it out.
The problem is I am too possessive, and can't see him with his friends (even male) and can't stand him having fun without me... and he feels stifled. So now he's so reticent. and he says such hateful things. and he wants me to get out of his life. and he says i have ruined him. and he has started lying. i am pretty sure though he is not seeing anybody else.
what do i do? i would love to split, but i can't bear the thought of staying apart from him. and what hurts more is not the thought of staying apart, but the thought that he will like me to go... i get the feeling of being a loser, and i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. how do i live with it?
Please help.
2007-02-04 18:28:44 · 13 answers · asked by verve 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Too much of a good thing is bad. Including love, especially when it takes the form you describe above.
There are two issues I see.
One. You have completely smothered him with this possessive jealousy of yours. He isn't your husband but a prisoner. What you are asking of him is to forgo everything - and I mean everything - for you. What human on Earth would agree to this? He had friends before he knew you existed and now you want him to abandon them. He won't do it...witness your daily life. Marriage doesn't mean together at the exclusion of all else. He has a life and interests and friends outside of you. Let him pursue them. The tighter you try to pull him, the more you lose him.
Two. Where did this come from? What gave you the idea or right to so totally try and own your hubby? I simply cannot imagine this depth of possessiveness or insecurity. What are you afraid of?
I would go and find a counselor to help you understand the origins and possible coping mechanisms for this. Its unhealthy for you, your marriage and any other relationships you have (or may have).
I wish you and your hubby the best.
2007-02-04 18:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but you sound extremely desperate and insecure.You HAVE to change if you're ever to have a good relationship with any man, be it your husband or someone else. Desperation is your enemy when it comes to relationships; you HAVE to be self-sufficient and independent in order to get the most out of your marriage or partnership. Perhaps seeing a therapist would be beneficial for you; you're already seeing the problem - it's the first step! Now, you have to take the next step, and try to go about solving it. If your husband wants to go - there's nothing you can do to stop him. What you CAN do is to learn what you can from this failure, and try to avoid making the same mistakes in the future. You will survive, and you will go on; you lived without him before, you can live without him again. It is true, however, that if you don't change your ways and become more self-reliant, you will have difficulty in securing any man's committment and affection. Good luck.
2007-02-04 19:09:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Opinion :) There are times when i would ponder on questions and can not help but to question the question, never ending thoughts pertrude within my head so i never reach any sort of understanding, at this point i already know im loosing it after realising just what thought i was thinking at that instant and it was so far away from the origanol question, so i tell myself its just a question. Man it just spurts out, sometimes i cant think. I just put a post up which crows along the lines of happyness 'if one lives a life of sadness, can one die happy?' i feel so pesimistic right at this moment, not intended i assure you. Happyness is just a word, obv like the rest of this, what matters is that happyness can be felt not through denial nore through the act of what you say 'letting go' Take 2 and make one :) works for me.
2016-03-29 05:36:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy and possessiveness can kill even the strongest relationships. The ironic thing is that if you weren't so possessive, he would want to be with you MORE, not less.
Take some time apart if you can without breaking up completely. See a therapist about your jealousy issues and start having fun with him again.
If it is meant to be it will work out.
2007-02-04 18:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by why 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know the problem why cant you change.Be less possesive and things will be okey You are being selfish.Even married people need time from the mate to be with other friends.No matter how in love you are with someone,if their behaviour is bad one day that love will go away.So the same with you ,the fact that he loves you does not mean he will always love you if you dont change your behaviour.Wake up and do something about your behaviour.
2007-02-04 18:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by jus-tus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you gotta have to change, lady! don't let your jealousy or problem get better of you. think this way: if you don't let him go out, you will never see him again. if you do so from time to time, at least you will keep him next to you for the rest of your life! so it's a choice you have him 24/7 for 3 years or have him 8 hurs (sleeping time and eating time) and for 30 years...think about it!
2007-02-04 18:36:41 · answer #6 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you forget the past, things will make up well for you and your husband.... ignore what he does for it will be done later.. have a heart... men often do such things and end up with the words 'forgive me' do it right, do it once. Forget him, let him go, you've got to move on with your life, you're beautiful, get out to the real world, let men look at you.. they will fight for you, am telling you!
2007-02-04 18:46:20 · answer #7 · answered by Yobrevol 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don go anyway!! Jst do somw changes gal.. u got to change to lead a better life...Get something to wen he is out.. Give him time to return back.. Why not u too join him in that fun.. This is a Solution. Going away isn't!!
2007-02-04 18:35:36 · answer #8 · answered by sUnseT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have a problem not a question. hope you will seek "help" from professionals. as to your relationship it is best -- to separate physically and emotionally for a good deal of time and space. then let your feelings and your mind dictate the course of action. in summary -- let it go and change yourself and your life.
2007-02-04 18:36:18 · answer #9 · answered by s t 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are insecure , possessive and jealous...
This will kill most marriages...
Tell hubby that you have mental problems and need his help.
You love him and want to stay married to him and know that
you are killing the marriage due to your mental problems...
He should help you if he loves you...
2007-02-04 18:37:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋