My boyfriend left me a month ago and it's been killing me. I loved him with all my heart and it hurt so badly. I know he's a jerk now and it's not worth it to cry over someone like him. I tried to get myself busy but whenever I'm alone I can't help thinking about him and then weeping. It's been a month and I still miss him. I wonder how much longer it'll take to completely get over him. I don't think I'll be able to handle the pain any longer. Plz help me...
2007-02-04 18:13:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thank you all for your caring answers! I do feel somewhat better, at the moment at least. I wish I could choose more than one as best answers. Well, we'll just leave it to voters then. I will follow your advice and hopefully I'll be over him soon.
Best wishes to everyone and thanks again!
2007-02-04 20:06:57 · update #1
it will take a while longer and you will deal with the pain, many like you have been in the same place as you and many have moved on to bigger and better things and so will you
2007-02-04 19:04:16 · answer #1 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that. I understand it's awfully painful. Try to do fun things and get tired so you can fall asleep when you're alone not doing anything. That will leave little time to think about him.
Always believe that there're great guys out there and you're yet to meet them. One day you'll find the right guy you deserve. By then, you'll realize what you're going through is meaningless but you're learning through the experience. We all make mistakes and go through ups and downs in life. Love is not easy but you should believe in it.
I know it takes time to get over someone you truly loved and it will probably take you a while. Remember, time will heal everything and you'll be fine eventually. Take care and good luck!
2007-02-05 03:44:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The time it takes to heal is a slow process but you will get through it. try to make new friends by getting into a new organization that is full of positive people and things to do. If you did something like help with a homeless shelter you would realize your problems aren't as bad as they seem. But I Know it still hurts. I am healing now and sometimes it feels like you made progress then something happens and you are sad or pissed all over again. That's when you need to talk to someone and let them help you get past that feeling. Just try to remember that moving with your life and being happy and successful is sweet revenge. Especially if their life is crap. I hope you feel better.
2007-02-05 02:29:18 · answer #3 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These things just take time. The only way you will probaby get over him is when you set your eyes on another person. Until then you will have him to think about. Just stay strong and the best advice I can give is to interact with people at a social level and you will get through this just fine.
2007-02-05 02:19:52 · answer #4 · answered by sdo3lg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're right with what you said... and its good that you're trying your hardest to get over him. dont fret, eventually you will but till then, keep keeping yourself busy.. sometimes he might just pop into your heart and you'll feel hurt all over again but just know the feeling wont last.. and even if it does.. it wont hurt so much later. you say he's a jerk now.. well you know what, be happy you dont have to deal with him anymore.. know that now you have a great chance of looking for someone better for you.. someone you DESERVE and someone who deserves your love and heart more than he does.. there is definetely someone out there for you and you'll find him one day and know that this all happened for the best.. or at least for the good...
just remember that you're worth more than he made or makes you feel now.. and him leaving you is HIS badluck.. he lost someone who he's probably never going to ever meet in his life.. im sure you were a girl who would've made a difference to him but he just didnt see it. he's the one that's missing someone important in his life.. you. dont be sad =(... i know how it feels to miss someone who you really cared for and its okay.. but just know that there is someone else out there who will you love you even more and that they're just waiting for you =)...
he's not worth your tears.. no one except the ones you really love deserve your tears so be happy.. when you get over him, you're probably gonna look back and realise you cried your river for someone who really didnt mean too much... it's painful but you WILL get over it and you're getting there.. just stay strong!! you'll make it!!!!
=]
2007-02-05 02:25:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The tips below have helped me enormously, and I hope they help you too! One of the things I hate the most about this kind of emotional suffering is how powerless it makes me feel. It helps to know that feelings actually start with thoughts, so we actually have a lot more power than we may realize to help ourselves feel better right away.
1. Try to uncover what you are telling yourself about the breakup. Right as the tears start, ask yourself, “What was I just thinking about?” For example, you might realize you've been subconsciously telling yourself, "If he could betray me like that, I can't trust any one. I will never find love again.” Or you may replay a painful moment or a hurtful phrase he said. Instead of letting these emotional viruses overwhelm you without resistance, you can ask them directly, “What are you trying to tell me?” Once you start uncovering your thoughts, you’ll realize that your feelings aren’t just coming out of nowhere, and that can be empowering in and of itself.
2. Next, practice talking back to these thoughts and assumptions. Is it really true, for instance, that this jerky boyfriend guarantees a life without love? Of course not, but that’s a thought I fell into again and again when I was grieving a breakup with my boyfriend. Write the recurring thoughts, images, or assumptions down on paper and then contradict them right there in black and white. It’s hugely empowering to realize that what you’ve been accepting as absolute is really not certain at all. You can also do a ritual to let go of the assumptions or thoughts that hurt the most. Write the hurtful thought on a piece of paper and burn it, bury it, or send it to out to sea. (Flushing it down the toilet can also be a symbolic choice ;-).Or make flash cards with alternate, more positive thoughts and whip them out every time you start feeling sad.
3. Know that you don’t need a lover to live an extraordinary life. Ask yourself, what need was that relationship fulfilling in your life? Security, success, warmth, emotional closeness, physical closeness, companionship, laughter, orgasms, feeling validated socially, acceptance, someone to show caring to, etc.? Part of what we mourn after a breakup is the loss of what being with the person gave you. But there are tons of alternatives once you start looking for them. What is in your life already that meets those particular needs, or generally makes you feel happier, and more fulfilled? Expand on what is working instead of focusing on what’s gone. And be open to new ideas, no matter how silly. A few years ago I realized that part of the reason I love dogs so much is that they give such genuine, joyful smiles. Around the same time, my best friend had stopped smiling at me the way she used to, and our 18-year friendship ended soon after. Boy did those dogs’ smiles help. I still seek out dogs wherever I go, and they’ve become a lasting source of happiness in my life ever since!) Brainstorm all the different ways you can fulfill your needs, and set a goal of doing at least one everyday. (You’ll be creating a great habit for life, not just dealing with the breakup.)
4. Recognize that you don’t have to wander around in the land of “What ifs?” just because all the road signs seem to point that way. One of the cruelest things about being broken up with is that it can make us doubt ourselves so deeply. The bedrock is gone. Especially if the person has not shown us the common decency of being honest and respectful in their goodbye, lingering questions can keep us mired in self-doubt and confusion. We get stuck in an endless round of, “What could I have done differently? Is there something wrong with me?”
While a certain amount of self-reflection is a good thing, it’s important to remember that other people’s actions have far more to do with their own issues than they do with you. So when you find yourself trapped in the same old anxieties and questions about what went wrong, calmly notice, “Oh, this place again,” and tell yourself a NEW story. Consciously cultivate a vision of yourself and your life that is full and rich, even if it seems like a pipe dream right now. Instead of, “The jerk dumped me and I can’t stop crying,” write your story with you as the hero. Again, it may seem silly, but it works. “There may be untrustworthy cads in the world, but that just makes my brave decision to love even more exceptional. Life is always filled with challenges, but there are also countless joys and adventures just around each bend. I am an incredible person on a strange and wonderful journey.”
May the distance to the next, happy bend in the road be a short one!
2007-02-05 04:51:42 · answer #6 · answered by Joy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, i hate to break it to you, but it could take a VERY long time- (for me anyway...) it took me nearly a year. i would be crying and missing him one week, then the next it was like i hated him and didnt care about him anymore....and i would think that im FINALLY completely over him but then some other guy comes along and ALL i can do is compare them to him. it sucked. we've been broken up a year and a half ago and i still havent been together with anyone else bc everytime the opportunity comes along, i pull away bc hes nothing like my ex. it changes alot. one day im fine the next im a mess crying.... as of right now, im finally officially over him (FINALLY!) i decided that i could spend the rest of my life resenting him for what he put me through, or i could "grow up" and be civil with him. and thats what i did. so he and i remain great friends today. i still think about what "could of been" had we stayed together, but im glad we didnt bc i believe everything happens for a reason. im sooo sorry you have to go through this. it sucks, it hurts, and its never fair. but from heartbreak to heartbreak- just know that you WILL get through this and your sunny days will come. besides keeping busy, there isnt really alot you can do to get over him faster. you cant fool yourself or your emotions. (unless you do actually find another guy better than your ex- i hope you do.) just let it heal naturally. ((and for the record, i wasnt crying over him for a year straight! i would go like weeks at a time hating him, then more weeks in a row loving and missing him...its weird.)) so i really hope you get over it sooner than i did. think about what you got out of the relationship. for me, i matured. he taught me so much and i thank him for that! so out of respect for the relationship, try and think about what you got out of the relationship (the good things!). once again im sincerly sorry. please feel free to email me anytime :) good luck<3 xoxo
2007-02-05 02:28:37 · answer #7 · answered by ElBee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's ok to feel the pain and to cry. that's natural.
i was finally over a guy in around 6 months..or more i think. there's no specific time for everyone. some might get over it in a second, others after a year.
try writing everything you like about him and another column for what you dislike about him. after that, burn or tear them all. you'll feel better afterwards.
2007-02-05 02:19:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's different for everyone. The first step to getting over him and realizing why you broke up in the first place and it seems like you do. Just find ways to keep your mind off of him and remind yourself why you broke up. that should help you.
2007-02-05 02:36:39 · answer #9 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call for some therapy help!!!
get a massage, go bowling and throw the bowling ball and think it's his head!!!
Buy yourself flowers, and take nice baths, and treat yourself like you are the most important person on this earth.
lovers come and go..........love yourself enough to let him go, so you will be happy and ready for the next one when he comes along!!!
you can't find love when you are moaning over someone you cannot have.
go to this site
don't date him girl.com
www.talksexwithsue.com
2007-02-05 02:19:47 · answer #10 · answered by Lilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋