We have been married for over 3 years, she has now had a 4th affair. She says she needs help and has a problem and that she still loves me very much. I dont know if I can trust her, can she change her ways with professional help? Should I give her another chance or walk away. Any suggestions?
2007-02-04 18:09:45 · 27 answers · asked by Steve 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you married her, you owe it to yourself and her to get to the bottom of this problem. Go to a therapist and have her do the same - in time, go to one together. Talk about what it might be that is causing her to do this. Support her to be open with you. Four affairs in three years is a lot, but it may be a symptom of something deeper if she is telling you she still loves you.
Analyse how you feel. If you love her, do what you can to make things better.
Once you are satisfied you have put everything you have into it, your decision of what to do next will be crystal clear.
2007-02-04 18:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by why 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is crying for help. So try and help her. Just don't stay with her if she can't be trusted. She needs to make an effort to want to get help and wants to change her ways. If she is willing to do what it takes to help herself, and it will take lots of counseling and prayer to get herself fixed again. If you have allowed this in your marriage 4 times, while kids are involved, what have you taught you kids?
I have to say this, but she never loved you, it was fake. Otherwise, she wouldn't have done that to you for the 4th time.
Don't stay with her if she's is not willing to get help, and if she does get the help and who knows how long that will take, if she has made a change, then that is up to you to decide if you still want to be married to her or not. But right now, she need counseling really bad.
With this type of behavior, she must have been dealing with issues way before she met you. It could be from her childhood as well. Anyway, do the right thing for you and for your kids, if kids are involved here.
2007-02-05 02:27:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs help.She has a problem.She loves you. Something is wrong here. Let's take the you out of the equation.
She loves a problem and needs help! Yelp that is it.
You need to to get out of there!
Unless you can stand the infidelity perhaps lallow her to work on this problem and resolve it and then you can be together. It is up to you though and how you feel about it. Seek counseling for yourself and she should for herself ok. Perhaps it can some kind of way be worked out if the two of you choose it.
Read the poem:
"Now That’s Love"
I know what love is like:
Truly loving someone is giving them the freedom to love you or not
Truly loving yourself is choosing to be someone who uses that freedom to love you
Yea, now that’s love
June 19, 2006 by Arene
copyrighted
2007-02-05 02:18:51 · answer #3 · answered by Arene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her 4th affair???? My god why is she married any way? Does she realize how bad affairs hurt people? If I were you, I dont think I would ever be able to trust her and thats a big part of a good healthy marriage.
2007-02-05 02:16:09 · answer #4 · answered by MEESH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
walk away .. mine cheated once..i stayed with her 20 more years that was three years into our marriage i never forgave her but tried.I stayed for the children and really tried.Once they do that you just loose that love for them its over .Really i stayed because i grew up without a dad and wanted my children to know me..but sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing..I would advise you now..walk away and never look back.Life is too short to keep staying with someone that you cannot trust and don't love like you did and is just not trustworthy.. its a shame but its the truth im on my second marriage although i swore never to marry again after divorce..there are some people you can trust and be happy with and you will end up with one of those..im just giving you my opinion and my experience but i cannot tell you what to do.. but well the facts and logic are here what you decide to do is up to you ..
2007-02-05 02:20:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES, give her as many chances as yr heart allows you to. Your love for her must be extremely deep. You married her for better, for worse...you must stay and help her with this addiction, as this is what you are looking at, with root causes stemming back to her childhood. Your trust in her, mutual communication, respect etc will be regained, BUT you both need professional help/guidance or sadly this marriage will end as most these days do. Make it both yr goals to seek out the best therapist you can afford, then BOTH commit to him/her. Both of you will have to be sincere and want to do this…good luck!
2007-02-05 02:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buddy, It's hard but you know what you have to do. If she has had 4 affairs in the last three years there is no hope. What if she picked up a STD and gave it to you.
Get clear of this! There are good potential partners out there...Lot's of them. Everyone deserves better than this.
2007-02-05 05:24:37 · answer #7 · answered by Bill I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might really need professional help to overcome her problem. It's not normal for a woman to have 4 affairs in 3 years.
Go see a councellor and try to help her.
2007-02-05 03:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time for Justice here. You need to go find 4 hotties and bring them home and do them all at once in front of her. Then all is fair.
Next, if you want to stay married to her, you both should get counselling so you both don't cheat again.
Or better yet, have an open marriage and continue like this until death do you part. This way she can do all the dudes she wants and you can continue to bring home the hotties!
2007-02-05 02:25:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pack ur stuff and leave right now dude!! Wat?? not the First time but the Fourth time?? U have waited enough.. Walk away and lead a life peacefully.. Let her be like how she wants to.. She is very old enough to think.. Animals have 5 senses so do not have that much of capacity to think but ur wife has 6 senses so wat the matter with her... Tell her she is acting like one who have onli 3 senses.. If she can have the brains to eat, bath, dress up, Fcuk around then she should have the same brains to think she needs help.. She do need lots of help but let her find a way to mend her life in her own time.. If u are going to pester her to visit the doc or something like that... Would like to tel u that u are merrily wasting your time dude..
2007-02-05 02:43:28 · answer #10 · answered by sUnseT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋