What do people want when they complain?

Question

I have a very good friend who’s been busy this past month and whenever I talk to her all she does is complain about the pressure and the stress that she’s under. She was never a complainer but she’s fast turning into one!

I don’t know how to deal with complainers since I hardly complain. I’ve tried offering her advice (take it easy!) which agitates her even more, and being silent whenever she complains which makes me feel utterly useless. It’s a lose-lose situation. She cracked up the last time she saw me because I said I’m lousy at dealing with complainers (apparently the wrong thing to say!) and from then on she’s taken to restrain herself whenever she’s about to complain. I’d really like to be able to alleviate her stress so she doesn’t feel that she has to restrain her will to complain (not because I am such a fan of a complainer!)

So, what do people want from people who hear their complaints? Advice, relief, or simply a validation of their stress?

Cheers

Thanks for the answers, people!

Answer 1

If you have a friend who is a complainer, you really don't have to take her complaints. You have that choice. You just need to let her know that you care for her, but you are tired of her complaining to you. Start being honest with her and tell her on how you feel about her complaints. You are not a punching bag, or are you?

Ask her not to bring her complaints to you from work. Keep her complaints at work, but not with you. If that's all she does is complain to you about work, work, work, then tell her to just get another job. If she gets mad at you for giving your input, then just say, "If you are just going to get mad of what I say, then please do not complain to me ever again about your work situation, other then that, lets keep this conversation about friendship only, not work related issues." If she still gets mad, then just say, "Sorry that you didn't take this well" and then tell her that you need to leave. That's it. I am sure she will get the hint.

But she will not stop unless you tell her something. Just be nice about it though. She might get offended. (smile)

Answer 2

Just agree, then go see a movie, ice cream coffee anything to help her ease the stress and the reality of life even if it is for only a few hours........ It may be all she needs at the moment??? see Pursuit of Happiness she wont be complaining for a long time after that and when she does start just mention that movie.....

Answer 3

Sounds like she does needs someone to unload on. Some people are in such a habit of complaining that they don't even realize it and then when you mention it to them, they get very critical.

Answer 4

Well, advice, agreement, and sometime to just vent, different things.To feel like someone else from the out side looking in feels, or understands what their going through.

Answer 5

just listen. she just wants to vent for a while. dont give advice unless asked but maybe ask a few questions. not ones that doubt or insult her but ones that make her think the why of things. just be patient and dont force the issue.

Answer 6

they just want to vent out their problems and it makes them feel better.. They want your advice.. They want you to acknowledge and care about their problems..Just listen and let them vent

Answer 7

MAYBE she needs a little love making in her life .

Answer 8

she wants you to tell her how bad she has it and how everyone is pushing her to give too much and so on, in other words to kiss her big toe, its time to just ignore her.

Answer 9

She just want to be heard