Need advice for a relationship where someone cheated?

Question

I recently found out that my boyfriend of 10 years cheated on me 3 times with 2 people in the last 4 years. I always said that I would leave and never look back if he cheated, but it is hard to walk away from a 10 year relationship. He says that he is sorry and wants to be with me and will never do this again. Should I try to stick this out and work on it with him, or should I cut him loose and try to move on? Please give me any advice that you can. I love him and don't want to just give up on the last 10 years, but I don't know if I can ever trust him again, or if I will always question him and wonder where he is going and with who.

Answer 1

there are lots of things to think about.. first and for most i would get std tests done before i even thought of keeping him.. second i would put a tight leash on him. he will have to earn your trust again. that could take months even years but he has to be willing to be a open book to you.. where he is what hes doing and you can check at anytime. he has to be willing to do that..and if he is then there could be a chance of things working out. put your foot down and see if he can do what you want.. if he cant and wont then let him go cause he has no intentions of changing.. good luck.

Answer 2

Sweetie, this is an question that only you can answer for yourself. However, 70% of men cheat. It is scary when it is your b/f or hubby. I know all too well about the hurt you are going through. I know all too well about trust issues too. Let me give some advice. If you are numb inside and can not forgive him, then you probably should move on. If you still love him and feel you can work it out, let him squirm for awhile and then take him back. Be the better person whatever you decide to do. I will say one more thing though. He has done this more than once with multiple people? He might not ever change. Are you ready to handle finding out about him doing this again another ten years from now? He sounds like he might have a problem. Maybe, you could go to a sex therapist with him to try and work things out or demand that he get counseling if you take him back. Whatever you do, if you stay together, be prepared to handle it again if he doesn't change. I feel for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 3

You are thinking about this correctly. But, you also neglect to think that if he has done this three times in the last four years repeatedly, then it wasn't a mistake. Everyone says that they'd leave if someone cheated, but it isn't always true. It is best to get to the reason that he cheated, figure out if it is something that you can and want to work through. That's the first step. I also think that you need to keep in mind that when it isn't just once, he really doesn't have it in him to be a fair man. Also, you aren't giving up on a 10 year relationship. He did when he made the choice to kiss, take someone's clothes off, put on a condom, and have sex (all three times).
And you are right...will you be able to trust him? That certainly isn't the way to live, scared of what he is doing, and hating him because of it.

Answer 4

Ten years is a long time, but before you decide ask yourself was there anything you were not doing to not make him satisfied? Have you gained weight? got sloppy or cut him off from his desires? have you told him no to many times, Do you Like having sex with him? If you no the answers in your heart to be true then he has a problem, but seek advise from a professional counselor not some nut out here. It's your life as well as His. Men Make mistakes so do women, Not talking can cause this to happen as well. And sometimes a man gets put in ta situation that he can't turn down. He is weak and an old saying of mine is a hard penis has no conscience, if ya want some self help Read John Bradshaw and the Family, Look at yourself your Boyfriend and your families, you can figure it out with some help. But if he is your boyfriend of 10 years it tells me he does not want to commit, you should of been married 8 or 9 years ago, love is a CHOICE, you chose to love someone and you stick with it, that is why the Bible says till death do us part, an if he does not want to marry you then you have lost ten years of your life, but not waisted it at least you found out what you don't want.

Answer 5

And what if you get some STD from this other girl? If she is waiting for marriage and you have sex with someone else, I think you can say goodbye to her and no kiss goodbye. What would you think if she decided to have sex with some other guy at her college? Would the two of you still have a relationship? What makes you think it would be any different if you cheated on her. i'd sure advise her to write you off. If you are unfaithful once, you will be again and couldn't trust you. 2/3 of the girls have STD's, at least in some states. That could be anything from clamadia (however it is spelled which can cause miscarriages in girls) to HIV. You could pass cervical cancer or any number of issues on to your girlfriend if she did have sex with you later on. Do you want to risk it for the chocolate biscuit? If your relationship is crappy, break up and then do what you want but you should make sure you are not passing something on to the next girlfriend. Can't know that for sure.

Answer 6

3 months ago, I found out that my husband of 13 years cheated on me. He was based in another country, so, he has lots of freedom and the time and place was perfect to seccumbed to an affair. The whole affair lasted for 16 months. Since the affair was found out, he has promised to change and vowed never to do it again. This was his first affair and hopefully the last one too. I have given him another chance to repent and prove himself but with a very stern and serious warning that I will never forgive him if he does it again. I have thought about a divorce when I found out, but then again, I didn't want to just throw away 13 years of marriage just like that. Besides the affair, my husband has been a great provider and father to our child. He has since regretted the affair. I know its difficult to trust again but I am too trying everyday to think less about the affair and remember the good times we used to share before the affair.

Answer 7

Since you are not married (not that it's excusable then either) I would say dump the cheater. If you are still a "girlfriend" after 10 years, you've got bigger issues to deal with than a cheating BF.

You know, some states consider a relationship that long to be a "common law" marriage, ALIMONY is a good way to get his attention.

Answer 8

Are you sure that you can forgive him? Will you ever trust him again? If you think that you can't do either one then move on. I'm only telling you this because I have been through it. I stayed, but could not trust him ever again. I tried, but just ended up wasting time. I know how you feel. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 9

THose questions are goint to always be in the back of your head when it comes to him. THe best advice i can give you is to let him go . I can see if it only happend once but threee times it's kind of pushy. Trust and Honesty are the two major points in a relationship with out those then you dont have anything. What is love with out it? it really isn't anything bacuse you will always have douts about something and you dont deserve it

Answer 10

It is not you who has thrown the last 10 years down the toilet, it is him. Stop wasting more of your time on him. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Despite what he says now about being oh-so sorry, if you let him get away with it this time, he will do it again and again.