what do i have to offer?

Question

i battle psychiatric probs, im lonely, live in my own small flat, dont own much, im 29, i have very low self esteem, i have distressing symptoms, very low moods, ive never worked because of my problems..i live in my very dark shadow of lost out of reach aspirations...dreams about emmegration, how i could make it happen..seems impossable to me. ive socially withdrawn into my flat, and are tormented day and night with loneliness and isolation. i have no friends. just my mum and dad..im tormented thinking about all the things id like to achieve in life, my dreams. move to canada, find somebody nice to live with, nice home, a good job, beautifull environment. im constantly tormented with racing thoughts, muddled up disorganised thinking. i feel i have nothing going for me. and i dont no how im gonna achieve my dreams. from a small 1 bedroom flat in north of uk, on welfare. battling psychiatric probs. impossible!..i speak to a girl from canada ive known for 18 months, shes 20, ive fell

in love with her...weve seen each other on webcam..but i think what do i have to offer her? she doesnt no the true realitty of my circumstances. my psychiatric probs, my loneliness. my misery. hardly any possessions. shes seems to like me alot to, she even wants to move to england..but what can i offer her? if she saw the reality of my situation, shed reject me, i know it...plus id rather go over there, not her come here...were worlds apart, she lives in a family home with her parents, she has friends works, has alot of possessions. has a life...so different from my life. she doesnt know the way i really live. the way i really have it. my true miserable existance. and i love her so much. i dont want to lose somebody like her..please somebody help me

Answer 1

You need to widen your area of concern. I think if your counselor thinks it is good for you that you arrange so donation of time.

You cannot pursue romance without honesty, you may want to keep the relationship at the level it is at now.

Answer 2

Dear Derek,
First things first. If you are under a Dr.s care than talk to him about your thoughts and the racing feeling, it might be a side effect if you are taking any meds. They may need to be adjusted.
2nd of all if this girl doesn't know the real you, then you have a bigger problem, how can you love someone who doesn't know the real person you are. Start being truthful with her.
3rd. If your feeling closed in figure out why? Are you scared of what others would think? Or is it your condition.? If it is your condition then again go to your Dr. and tell him what has been going on, cause it could be your condition is worsening and they need to know this to help you.
For the mean time to try to get yourself some self esteem why not do research, put your energy into planning out and making some inquiries into some online colleges, which you can get financial aid for some I do believ, and start working toward your goals.
I wish you the best....and hope all your dreams come true.

Answer 3

First off life is not about possessions. You have the wrong concept of worthiness.
If a persons value in life is his possessions then that person is truly a worthless individual/.
Should you have a nice home it will eventually rot and decay to worthlessness
A fine Rolls Royce will eventually wear out and quit running
I do not care how much you paid for it it will some day rust and rot to the ground.
The best anyone can ever hope for and to give to others is themselves.
This girl you met does she like you because of your wealth or does she like you for the person you are ? Obviously it must be the latter. It is you she likes.
Now what you need to do is get off your rump quit feeling sorry for your self, go get a job even if it is shoveling pig poop. Learn to live on the income you make .propose to your girl tell her you are poor but rich in what you can give her and that is your self.If a girl marries you for any other reason she is not worth having.
Now you have a lot going for you. A lady that likes you what more could a man want. The rest is up to you.

Answer 4

Derek,

Take one step at a time. It seems like you're thinking "all or nothing" thoughts. Pick one area you want to change and move in that direction. Take little steps. If you feel isolated, lonely, and lacking friends, step outside of that cloistered area and talk to someone. It may seem difficult, but really people are just people. Start by smiling, then saying hello, then asking a question, before you know it you'll be making friends.

Are you seeing a theraptist or counselor? It sounds like you need to find someone to talk to and get some help. If you're feeling the way you describe, you may be ready to change your life. A therapist can help.

Start moving toward your dreams. Everything will be OK. Just take those steps and try to find some happiness.

I wish you well!

Answer 5

When everything seems wrong, just start with changing small bits at a time.

It seems like your self-perception and esteem might be a good place to start, as well as ensuring that you are healthy, including any meds that may be good for you, or reviewing those that might be giving side-effects.

People are like all systems, you can't change 1 part of a system without having some effect on the whole. Thus, there will be knock on impacts/benefits of changing your life bit-by-bit, not just for those bits that you do continue changing, one step at a time.

Eg. you improve your self esteem and you may find that your beliefs about what is realistic and desirable also shift. Or, that you find more energy as you end any self loathing etc. - and possible hobbies or jobs that might result from this, improving your social network. etc.

It does seem good for us to have goals, so re-evaluation of yours may also be good, at some point. And whatever your plans, you always have the power to change them, but maybe that is tomorrow's step.

God luck! Rob

Answer 6

You would not want to keep things bottled up inside, I dont know if it is good for your emotional well being. Speak with a counselor. As far as for your lady friend, she seems good enough to you for you to speak about her, so why dont you talk to her a lil bit about things. You should try volunteering or the like, see if that opens you up. Its free to volunteer, and it may help your inner person as well..Maybe even master a craft!!

If you spend all that time in your apartment, you should be able to think of some things you may want to try but you never have. Stop contemplating your current situation. Contemplate what else positive to do.

Answer 7

Here is what to do: Remember, never give up! Whatever you decide to do in life. Whenever you get a negative thought in your head immediately scrap it, imagine yourself punching it away or something then replace it with positive thoughts. Get used to thinking positive thoughts so you have them ready in your mind, like think of the best times you have ever had, think how that felt, think of the times you feel good when you talk to the girl you like for example, but find a variety. Retrain your brain to think positively, now if you do that, and don't give up doing it, you will slowly feel better aobut yourself. Also constatly tell yourself also that you are good, clever, worthy, good looking, loving, all positive things, whenever you have a spare moment thing like that, and never stop, it will take a long time but I promise you eventually you will bring all those things out of you! We all have love, kindness, different skills... we just need to bring them out and nurture them!

Don't try to find happiness in that girl though! You must find happiness inside yourself!

The hard thing is remembering to do the excersise I have mentioned and to do them again and again and to not give up.

These are things I have discovered as i have self esteem problems too, so I am please to share them with you and I wish you luck.

One day you will mostly think positively, and when you don't you will be able to replace those thoughts without even thinking about it. Once you are positive things will happen, doors will open...

Be honest with your girlfriend, you don't need to say, you are unconfident and all those things, because from today things are changing, you are confident, you are rich in love, forget the money that will come, but as already said you don't want a girl who wants the money only, yes tell here you live in a little flat, and you don't think she would like it here and that you would rather go there! don't lie and say you live in a big house and that, but see the positive things in your situation like there is nice countryside around where you live, nice neighbours, nice parents, nice shops, good food...

I'm sorry if my message is badly written, im a photographer and not the best with words, but I really hope that I have helped you in any way with what I have written. I could write forever but I better stop.

What do you have to offer? You have a big heart, you are caring, thoughtlfull, fun, ambitious, courageous, loyal, and you live in a beautifull rainy country! :o)

Lastly I love the advice that someone said: start smilling, say hello, start asking questions! That helped me, thank you! Very good words!!!! If you don't know what to say, it is easy to ask questions! You discover things, get ideas of people...

Never give up!

I forgot to say tha tit is very important to have a healthy diet, eat lots of fruit and veg that will lift your spirits you can't believe!!

Answer 8

derek...it's hard to see the good in ourselves sometimes when we feel so useless. it's easier just to beat ourselves up.

what are your problems? are you seeing a doctor or taking meds? often times these "psychiatric problems" are simply a chemical imbalance in the brain, and when that gets straightened out, the whole world seems brighter.

why are you on welfare? are you injured or just unmotivated? do what you can to start gaining your self-worth. go out into the world and enjoy life and the outside. pick up a job application, take a college class...the more things you do to encourage your emotional health, the better you will start to feel about yourself.

unfortunately i am at work right now (on break of course)...otherwise i would IM you. but please feel free to email me if you want. i have felt the way you have and it's important that you know things do get better.

Answer 9

You have nothng to offer : Now you can stop the struggle the effort to find something or be someone . You are now left with being you. Actually that is the best thing of all. Thats what people want. So be you. Its enough, more than enough. The best present is your presence.
Rat racer puts it well i think in this sense.

Answer 10

I should be so lucky i never had a mum and dad after 2 and a half years I'm now 67 and still in a one bed room flat despised and rejected from birth and all that followed. but thanks to the love of God I'm gone a make it to my real home with Jesus Christ you can do the some if you want to just ask him and I know it will change your life it did mine. yours in J. C. peter william lack.