How do I get out of playing straight?

Question

Long story short...

I have always loved women...but while groing up and while in the military, I played straight. Up until I was about 17 and only while I have in the military was I ever with men. I went with the social norm to "play the part".

While I was in the military I had a son and his father and I got married. I want my son to have the "traditional family" going up and he even goes to a Catholic school.

Any advice on "playing straight"? I think that I am going to lose it. I love my husband...great father and an awesome human being...long as he isn't touching me.

Are there support groups for people like me? Or is there a way I can lead a double life?

I don't want to ruin my son's family so I can live my life. It's not about me.

Any advice?

Answer 1

My advice is to be honest with your husband and your son, as soon as you think that he would be able to accept it. Even if it isn't about you, and all about your son you are not doing him any favors by raising him in an unhappy home. Trust me it will be an unhappy home, because his father is going to be unhappy because you aren't able to treat him like a loving wife should. You are going to be unhappy because you are living a lie. With all this going on, how do you think that your son is going to be happy? You cannot have a happy family environment, if 2 out of the 3 people are unhappy. Do it sooner rather than later, because he will resent you alot less if he grows up knowing you as a lesbian, than if he finds it out at the age of 14 and the family breaks up because of it. You will only be able to hide this for so long. Remember lying only hurts people. Nothing good ever comes of it!

Answer 2

I've been at my job for 2 months and am already looking at getting a promotion. I have decent credit for my situation. I'm working on getting a degree in Networking and Communications Management. And, I come from a "broken home." A "traditional family" created Gacy and Dahmer and many others. Divorcing your husband and being true to yourself won't, by itself, be harmful to your son. If anything, it'll show your son not to be ashamed of himself and to be true to himself, regardless of what others around him think. That's a very good lesson to teach a child. Caving to pressure from society and living a lie are not good lesson to teach your child on the other hand. Do the right thing as a person and stop the deception. You can still be a great mother even if you are a divorced single lesbian raising a child.

Answer 3

Your in a very difficult situation and the "right" thing to do is to be honest and let your husband get on with his life.
This is not always an option when children are involved.
Does your husband have a clue? Just make sure that you are a 100% sure that you want to be with a women before you do anything about it. Good luck.....I know what your going through!

Answer 4

My only advice to you is to STOP living a lie and realize that you are NOT going to ruin anybody's life. Why do you feel the need to give your son a traditional upbringing? I would feel HORRIBLE if one of my parents sacrificed being honest with themself so I could be raised in a 'traditional' upbringing! People may feel confused or hurt by truth, but they WILL get over it. Things have a way of working themselves out. Stop thinking of this as ruining anyone's life. That's just not true and you will only make yourself miserable by staying in the closet. You came out here for help and advice, and I suggest you be a woman and take it. Glad your husband is a decent man.... But he is a MAN, and you are putting a fish on a bike here. Be honest with him and go find a woman. Part of this IS about you, and you will ruin their lives by NOT being honest with them. You need to stop feeling guilty about wanting to be honest about who you are and living, rather than existing.

Answer 5

This is a very tough situation. Ideally you could talk to your husband and if he's as wonderful as you think he is, he'd accept you and you guys could work something out. If you want to spend the next 18 years of your life being someone you're not... then that's your choice and no one can blame you for it. Good luck. It's never easy living a lie.

Answer 6

You are not going to ruin your son's life. You are going to do every thing you can to have integrity to yourself and be a happier better mom for him. Look, this is acceptable now. Come out, and have a life that works. You may not say how unhappy you are, but believe me , on some level people around you know that something's not quite right. You CAN handle this.

Answer 7

My dear, it is always about you. Always.

When you do what is best for you, from a place of love, then you are doing what is best for everyone around you. Including your child.

Let me be brief. To live a double life will hurt your child. To stay in a loveless marriage with a great guy whom you don't wish to be touched by will hurt your child. If you are not true to yourself you will hurt your child.

Be true to yourself and you will be true to your child. Honor your spirit and you will nurture your child. Find joy in your life and you will raise a son with confidence, pride and a great admiration for his mother.

Trust yourself.

Answer 8

Well,easy. If you can handle your freedom of not expressing who you really are then stay that way inorder not to ruined your family life but make sure you are quite happy yourself or can you bear it for life? It's all up to you.

Answer 9

you can talk to a counsillor, he/she can help you through what you are going through and decide what to do and make the right choice.

I also agree with the person above me. Lord Dra' Vek

Answer 10

can you talk to your husband...can you talk to anybody else..maybe a professional...maybe you don't have to lose it all..maybe you can be a lesbian and have your husband and son...love can conquer a lot of things...