What am I supposed to do?

Question

I have asked this question before, a while back, but I'm still having problems and need some more help.

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now, and nothing is like how it was before we were married. Everything's changed. Example? Sex has gone from every day, to MAYBE once a week, NO talking whatsoever unless he thinks it is conversation that will lead to sex or if he's telling his AWFUL AWFUL vulgar jokes which he knows I hate, every restaurant has to be his choice, he'll say "Honey, you pick this time" but when I do pick, he'll just say "I don't like that place, how about this one?" even though he knows "that one" is my LEAST favorite. Movies, same thing. Right now he's playing his stupid xbox {again} with his friend online, but just minutes ago he was "too tired" to do anything with me. The list goes on..I don't understand, I don't ever nag at him about these things, I just get it all out on here, so it's not like I'm a b itch or anything.

I just wish that he'd put in a little effort every now and then. THAT I have told him.
Also, there have been numerous times when I have basically stripped in front of him and he just says "hey, I cannot see the tv"

I may seem naggy, but really it is hurtful, I mean, come on, we ARE newlyweds still! :*(

I am 23 he will be 22 in March. We were both raised the same way, we didn't know each other until about 3 years ago though, but we have (so I thought) the same morals and all. Our lives growing up are so similar it's scary. Both of our parents got a divorce around the same time for the same reasons, both around the same age, with same age siblings. Not that that part matters, but we were just so perfect for each other it seemed..now it seems we are complete opposites.

Answer 1

Next time you are in front of the tv naked. Turn it off and make certain he knows what he is missing out on. I had a boyfriend who acted that way while playing World of Warcraft. It's a tough situation, but try talking to him about it. I know you don't want to be the bitchy nagging wife, but sometimes that is what it takes. However, do it tactfully.

Answer 2

You both have probably changed. Maybe you have not noticed your changes as much. In any case, he may be a little discontented with "marriage" as of yet. No offense, but you are both young. If he knows you absolutely dislike his vulgar jokes, but yet keeps on subjecting you to them then I only surmise that he is either consciencely or unconsciencely offending you. That is, he is attempting to get your attention in some manner. Or, he feels that you are cramping his style right now.
The first year of marriage can be anything but blissful. It takes work and you sound like a sincere, caring and loyal person and wife. He should be greatful. Pay less attention to him when he tells the jokes you dislike so much. Carry on with activities that you enjoy, but try and make him a part of your fun too. Some things he just simply may not even be aware he does, like taking the lead in a dining out choice. Let that one go.
As far a the sex issue, I would be concerned if nothing else has changed to cause less frequency. Like, he is working longer hours and is tired, etc. Can you sit him down and talk to him about working on your sex lives and the recent changes?
I wish you both a long, healthy and happy marriage.

Answer 3

Are you his beard?
You are too young to not be going at it at least a few times aweek.
Tell him to put down the game and grab his joystick.
Then talk about what turns you on. A game shouldn't be more powerful than the wiles of a woman. Take control and present a better game to him. Work it girl! If none of that works he's got to be gay. He may not know it. But you will! Find out now before you have kids, they'll deserve better.
I know that sounds whack, but I've seen it before.
Hopefully he's just in a rut and needs a spank on the butt.
If he plays those games so much he should have some stamina in those hands at least. Ask him for a massage and return the favour. It could work wonders. Make him take out time you both can share. Maybe try going to a musuem or planetarium.
Find things that stimulate both of your minds and your bodies should follow. You may find he'll give less attention to his games when he rediscovers you.
Good luck and enjoy girl!

Answer 4

It sounds like your husband just wanted to get married but does not know how to remain in a or keep a marriage going. Talk to him, talk to him in the way that he will understand you. Tell him you're not happy even though you've been married to him a little over a year. By the sounds of it he's having an affair, so the only way to get his attention is to ask whether he's having an affair. Let him know you're not getting the attention you're deserve or you used to get and let him know you crave for him. Let him also know that he's selfish about picking a restaurant/movies.

One day surprise him with a candle lit dinner and some sexy lingerie and then take it from there. I hope you work your problems out before one of you cheats on the other. God bless your marriage.

Answer 5

He sounds REALLY immature. But if you say that things were better before the marriage then I guess it isn't so much that.

The only thing I can suggest at this point is to get to therapy. Your marriage is so young that it would probably help. Put it to him that your marriage is on the line. Then if he won't go with you, go alone.

You do need to take action. I promise that if you don't you will be done within a year. There is nothing to hold onto here. I was married for 24 years a the time of my husband's death. We pretty much went thru everything during our marriage. Not that I'm an expert but I know a sliding relationship when I see one.

So don't give up and don't let go. Just don't ignore the signs of total breakdown.

Answer 6

He's slipping right into his comfort zone. Unfortunately, it's hard to "fix" because men will never fully understand our needs. The only way to reach him is to try to meet him half way. For example, don't tell him you need to talk. Red flag! Guys hate those words, and even when they pretend they're listening, they are most likely blocking you out and waiting for you to stop "blowing off."

Try something like this: Perhaps try to take an interest in what he's doing (like the Xbox) and after a while of that, ask him if he could do something with you for a little while. Same thing with the restaurants. Next time he says, "Honey, you pick," beat him to the punch by saying "why don't we go where you want to go tonight, and next time we'll go where I want to go- fair and square." Then you have to stick to it. Don't let him tell you that he doesn't like your restaurant of choice; Simply tell him, "We made a deal; Oh, come one, it won't be as bad as you think." Try it in a playful tone more than an argumentative tone.

The thing is, he's testing the waters right now to see what he can get away with. Don't let him set these boundaries! Compromise is HUGE in any relationship, and you need to let him know right off the bat that he will not be getting his way every time. Tell him you're a big believer in compromise, and you expect him to be, too. Don't just "get it out" on here. Sit him down and tell him how he's making you feel. If you're afraid of fighting, then choose your words carefully, such as, instead of saying, "you never" or "you always" try something like, "when you choose ___________, it makes me feel ____________." Let him know that his choices cause you unjust pain and confusion! Nip it in the bud now, Honey!

Answer 7

Okay, maybe you should try talking to him, communication is a major key to any relationship. Explain to him how you feel and what you want from him. Some men need to hear what a woman need, especially their woman. If that doesn't work try marriage counseling, this way a third party can coach you and him to have a friendly and healthy conversation. The counselor will also be able to give their professional input on the situation. Take actions now, before this problem get out of hand.

Answer 8

Computers, the internet and video games are wonderful, but unfortunately, they can become addictive. I'm glad that when I got married, we only had a black and white TV, card games and visiting with friends!

You two need to sit down and have a serious talk about what you both want, need and expect out of your marriage. Maybe counsuling would help. If he won't cooperate, you are in for a life of unhappiness. Do not get pregnant till you get all of this straightened out. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry, it sounds like in your in for a long life of crap. I hate video games they are a waist of time. I used to play them all the time, but I realize now they are all the same and get boring. If I had a girl stripping in front of me I wouldn't be playing video games. As for the restaurant, who cares if you pick, thats lame too. I'm sorry you are going through this at such an early stage of your marriage. Hopefully you will work it out. If he is to bull headed to spend time with you, you will eventually get tired of it and look elsewhere for attention. Then he will say it is your fault because he's too blind to see what he's causing.

Answer 10

Well, at least you admitted to being naggy. Nagging gets us no where.

What you need to do to get him more interetesed in you..is come onto him. So, he's on his exbox? Go grab a controler and join in, ask him "hey, teach me how to play! i wanna learn how to kick your butt!" and wager sex on it...win win right!

As for going out, dont!!! Make dinner at home and eat it together at the table. Or if you're really bad, make dinner in high heels and mini skirt (no panties!!)

Sometimes, we, as women, have to make the first moves to get our men motiviated to love us more. We have to "feed" them love and caring and SEX. Be sure you compliment him on things he does around the house, and just let little things go. Tell him how good he smells or just give him a BIG wet sloppy kiss...right now. Or if you are off from work, dress up a little before he comes home. Put some makeup on, some perfume, and say (if you dont want to cook that is) Lets go somewhere special...I'll let YOU pick..then after, I get to to pick "dessert". He'll be giddy at the idea of his wife FLIRTING with him!!! Crazy eh?

Also, please read "The Proper care and feeding of Husbands" By Dr. Laura. It's a little rough, but it will teach you alot about how to make a man come around...