sister in law problem, am i being unreasonable?

Question

ok, so I am from India and live with my husband, mother in law grand mother in law and my hubbies younger bro..thts tough enough...since last month, my mom in law decided to stay wit my sis in law as she has 2 young kids, and she is working (although her husband is well, in between jobs, for d last 2 years)....well thts fair enough too i feel.....wot is getting me irritated is d fact tht every weekend, my mom in law comes to stay wit us, fine ya? well WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BRING THE TWO CHILDREN ALONG? doesnt my sis in law has some responsibility?...and if i take it easy on the wekends, then my mom in law cribs tht she has to do all the house chores on her own...DONT I NEED TO SPEND TIME WIT MY HUSBAND???..i m irritated and dont know wot to do.....husband says if i have a prob i shud tell ma mom in law..shud i???

its my husbands house and my husband us the only earning member...

Answer 1

I am getting frustrated just reading your question!!! No, you are not being unreasonable at all. I am sure the traditions in India regarding family are very different...however, you still need a healthy marriage and a healthy mental state. You already have very little "private time" secondary to the number of people residing in your home. Now adding 2 kids to the mix! Sounds like you are being used, Dear. I say if your husband is not comfortable addressing it, you must. Calmly at first with a smile..."Mom, I meant to tell you, you can't bring the kids to the house this week, Hubby and I need the house to ourselves!" with a little giggle & a wink. If she loves her son, this will be enough--she'll feel all embarrassed but she won't want to get in the way of her son's good time. If she's just trying to aggravate you, run your house or use you to watch the kids, she will persist. Regardless, be constant, be calm---you have all the cards. You have your husband's support, it is your house and you are not asking...you are telling.

Go for it, girl! You can do it!

(Can you tell I have in-laws that have tried crazy stuff like this before?!)

Answer 2

My normal response is that it's the partner's job to manage their parents. However, when it comes to the well being of a child, this goes out the window. Sit your husband down and explain to him what happened the last time they had your son. How they were specifically told not to bring him to the football game and they did anyways and the child was cold and caught a cold and bronchitis and how his parents didn't change his nappy. Tell him when his parents become more responsible and learn to respect your boundaries, you'll be more than happy to let them babysit. Explain to him that your parents do change his nappies, don't take him out into the cold and, generally, respect your boundaries which is why you're comfortable with them babysitting and tell him that if your parents treated your child like his parents do, you wouldn't even allow them to babysit. I'd tell him the issues you have with his parents, the lack of interest, the number of times they are not home when they said they're going to be. Tell him this all adds up to irresponsibility and that you have a responsibility to protect your child. No, you're not being unreasonable, your husband is blind to his parents. This happens often and that's okay but not when it comes to the safety of your child. What's going to happen if you cave into pressure, you do it and your child ends up in the hospital due to their neglect? Don't do it until they prove they are responsible enough to take care of him. God bless you.

Answer 3

I don't think it's for you to tell her. I think your husband needs to tell his own family. He needs to back you up on this too and not just say "well my wife doesn't like it.." He needs to say he doesn't like it. If he points fingers at you then the mother in law isn't going to care for you much.

Is it your house?

Is it his mother's house?

If it's her house, then she can say what goes on there as far as the kids coming over. If you two need time together, why not try leaving on the weekend? Go out and do things together and not be stuffed at home with the two kids that she dumps there. Let her know you aren't there to watch those two kids.

If it's your house then I'd say you have no problem with telling her not to have the kids come over. It's your house.

Answer 4

You have a right to feel frustrated towards your mother in-law because you want some time alone just you and your hubby and you feel your privacy is being invaded. She needs to be aware while you like her company it is too much sometimes and you would appreciate it if she doesn't visit out of habit and that you would like to spend some one on one time with your husband.

Answer 5

No, I don't think you are unreasonable in fact I think you are too shy to speak up. Why not try to be straightforward with your sister-in-law? Say what you mean and mean what you say. The reason I am saying this is because perhaps your sister-in-law had no idea that she is intimidating your private life. Better talk to her heart to heart. Just so to let her know that you need some space for your own family. Set your boundaries where she will learn to treat you with respect and dignity. Unless you speak up, they wouldn't know what is in your HEART. Reminder, just be polite and tactful.
good luck

Answer 6

You should talk to your sister-in-law, she is taking major advantage of all involved... although the financial arrangement at your current abode could limit your real power over this.

Answer 7

Sorry to correct you, it's not your husband's house. It's your house too. Act like an adult and tell your MIL what's on your mind.

Answer 8

if its your husbands house then its also your house and you make the rules in it, tell her that the kids don't come over anymore to stay, put the rules down, thats it

Answer 9

you have to discuss the matter further with your husband, let him know how serious your feelings are on this issue...he should be the one to talk to his family members, not you, lest everyone starts looking at you as the enemy.