What do I do in this bad situation?

Question

You see I have been dating this girl for about a year now, and we have 1 child together and she had a son who is 15 months. Anyway we were good for about 8 months then all of a sudden things got really really really bad. We fight all the time and half the time I don't even now the reason why we started fighting in the first place. Anyway she started to talk and hang out with an X behind my back and I found out she denied it and the next day all e-mails were deleated from her to him and him to her. Anyway that's not the problem. Now she won't kiss me, hug me, sleep in the same bed as me, or barely look at me. So I got custody papers over are daughter ready to do to the courthouse but the problem lies in the son. See I raised him his whole life I'm the only dad he knows. But I have no legal rights to him and have to basically let him go. I love him and he loves me but is it worth staying in a relationship where I think she is cheating on me just to be with the child? Please help?

She is 17 and I am 21, also have a fear no girl will go out with me for the fear of her falling in love with my daughter and getting stuck in the relationship like I did with her son

Answer 1

I read your question and read all the responses you received for this post. Unfortunately I find myself in disgreement with all and thats why this answer posted by me.

I think you are just being paranoid. Here are the facts as I perceive them.

Fact: She is 17 and you are 21. And she has two children one of which is only 15 months old.
This means that there are legalities involved.

Fact: from the 8th month when your relationship started it started to get really really bad.
She was progressing in her pregnancy, emotionally distressed, knew that the father of her first child left her. Maybe she felt a little unprotected in the state she was in. All she knows aboutmen from her first pregnancy is that they stop liking you while you are taking so much pain to give birth to their child.

Fact: you two had a lot of quarels for no particual reason.
She was being paranoid and started fights at useless issues. You started responding back.

Fact: She started talking and hanging out with an X.
She was being paranoid. Wanted to save the relationship. Pretty distressed. So she needed to confide in somebody whome she felt comfortable with. She is no longer emotionally attached with him, but it helps to talk with someone and hangout with someone who had been best of you friends.

Fact: You found out about through her emails. And the next day she deleted them all.
It was not nice here invading on her privacy, and even when you found something you reacted too quickly at it. She is afraid that she has lost you and in an attempt to keep you happy, she deleted everything.

Fact: She is not even ready to kiss you.
She is angry at you for not understanding her. She thinks that you are like her previous boyfriend, who gave her a child and broke up.

Fact: you like to be with the boy.
So if you like her first child and know that you will love raising your daughter, why not give her some time to emotionally get stable again. She loves you so much that she trusted you to raise her first child. She still wants you.

All you have to do is make her feel comfortable in the relationship with you. No need to rush with things that will only harm the two of you and your children.

Answer 2

Thanks for the additional details. I was wondering how young both of you are?

Dear,
You are still young to give up on relationships and women.
It was wrong first place to have kids at this early age.
I mean didn’t you need to go to college? But, it’s never too late.
LEAVE this relationship and deal with the damage that you are facing now, which is slight – SO FAR-
In her case: Giving birth will defiantly bring responsibilities to our life but not necessarily maturity. You are a young father now and you have 2 major aims in your life: your kid & your future.

Do you have any family member who is ready to help you out with your kid? If so, go for it.
And you have to go to college – even if it’s a night school-
You are a father now and you have to feed this kid and support him. So, take control of your life.

You can work, earn money and you must raise your kid.
Don’t look back and get over that young woman. It’s not going to work because she is already ignoring you and using you.
About her kid, I am sorry for you and him, but dear you can’t do anything. It’s her child & she is accountable.

I know things seems very hard for you now, but don’t lose faith in yourself.
You sound like a good young man, take responsibility now.

Wish you all the best.
God bless

Answer 3

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. This must be heart wrenching. I don't think you need to stay together for the child but you can be the only one to decide what is right for you. If you decide to stay together I hope there will be counseling for you both and the kids. They are better off with one parent than listening to fights and always dealing with the tension. Take your time and decide what is right for you.

Answer 4

you are able to properly be in enormous hassle the following. If he's conscious the position to discover you, you're a sitting duck. you want to take your canine and get some distance remote from this guy. contact kin, cousins, someone and get going. do not leave any strains of your whereabouts otherwise he might want to song you down. Get into remedy so that you not in any respect get entangled with alcoholics with personality issues again. no count number how rational you sound once you end it with him, he will listen it otherwise. I repeat: you're at risk. Your undesirable determination might want to finally end up costing you your protection or your existence. it really is an OJ interior the making. you want to flow out interior the approach the evening and do not look again. i do not imagine a restraining order might want to keep a guy like this away. If he's hell bent on getting you, he will.

Answer 5

You are obviously a great dad, and I can understand your love for this little boy. Don't stay in this relationship for him, though. This woman will drain the life out of you eventually, so no, it's not worth it. She is his mother, and it is her responsibility to make good choices for him and take care of him. As hard as it is to face, it's not your responsibility, and you have to move on. He's still a baby, and the sooner you make a new life, the better for the boy because at this point he won't remember you.

Answer 6

Staying in a bad relationship can harm the child more than help. You may actually have more rights to the other child than you know. As a child can become attached to a step-parent. Look in to your options, maybe seek legal advice.

Answer 7

It sounds as if she is having an emotional affair at the very least, she shows all the symptoms of it. As far as your child, you have to decide whether the child would be more happy in the long run, and not because you are pissed at her for cheating, look for your son's best interest on that decision

Answer 8

she won't look at u or sleep with u because she is in love with him, and she is just too immature to value what she has. can't stay in the relationship just for the boy, her heart is not with u. another relationship will come your way, and she will see u as a good dad who loves his child, she will have no fear of being with u when she sees u take care of your responsibilities. get rid of the young girl, she doesn't value what u have to offer her, she is still seeking immature things.

Answer 9

This is so sad for you and the boy...Does his biological father acknowledge him at all? If not, maybe you would have a chance of at least having him some of the time...See if she would agree to you paying child support for him...This may give you legal rights to him...Don't do anything though until you speak with a lawyer first...Good Luck and God Bless!!!

Answer 10

It's sad after all you have done, she treated you like a piece of trash, in my opinion , it is not worth staying in that kind of relationship where you can not trust her anymore. Don't allow that bad experience to stop you from finding the right lifetime partner. I guessed you deserve to be happy.