i once cheated on my husband while we were engaged and from then on have been completely faithful and have never looked at another man like that before. we later got married and had a child and while camping on my birthday i worked up enough courage to confess and the he tells me that after our child was born and right before our 1st annv. he cheated on me with a co worker who was barely 18. one night after taking her home he goes down on her and then a couple of days later he actually has sex with her. a week later i find out i'm 1 month pregnant with our second child so i try to work out our marrige but i cant trust him and he doesn't understand why i can't forgive him. this has been about a 18 months ago and since then i have caught him in lies about little stuff and a young woman who has a common friend of ours started to email him and flirt with him and he flirted back and talked about meeting her when i confronted him about this he told me he thought it was me what should i do?
2007-02-04 13:52:54 · 27 answers · asked by acutiepie4ever 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like the trust has been broken between you two and that can be hard to repair, especially if you don't go through some counseling.
You said you want to try to work out your marriage, but you can't forgive him. I'm not sure if it's possible to have a good marriage as long as you're holding this grudge against him. If you can't live with what he did, then you probably will have to leave the marriage.
You should have a serious talk with your husband about where things stand in your marriage. Express your concerns to him, explain that you realize both of you have made mistakes, but you want to work on getting more trust and honesty between you.
Good luck!
2007-02-04 15:45:42 · answer #1 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my experience when it comes to men. Once a cheater always a cheater. Now I am very aware that you cheated and have been faithful ever since. But this doesn't sound right to me. If he is lying about it, then something is going on. You have to decide. When you confront him do you look him straight in the eye and ask him, if he flinches at all or looks away he is lying if he doesn't do that and you know he is lying then he has been lying for a long time. Try to nip this is the bud so to speak and confront him about it all. Print the emails and keep them, in the event that you need the info for a court procedure. If you sit him down and have a good heart to heart talk and want to stay together then he will have to earn your trust back and that will be difficult, if he continues to lie after that, its time to move on. You deserve to be happy and life is too short not to be happy. You have to listen to your instincts and your heart weigh the pro's anc con's and do what you feel is the best thing for both you and your children. Staying in this kind of relationship is too difficult and teaches your children what? good question, you have to figure it out and go from there. I hope this was helpful, take care Heather
2007-02-12 11:15:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he was a boyfriend, I would drop him in a second. But since you are married and already have children, you have to try to work it out. But this guy is pushing it. You made one mistake, never did it again, and confessed and apologized. That is the best way to go when you turn off the the good path. Your husband partaked a similar affair, but actually had sex with that women and is lieing to you and flirting with other women to this day! That is wayy past the line! Talk to him about it. Even if it ends ugly, you need to do this. Tell him that you will not stand for being lied to or cheated on. Tell him that you made a mistake and has never done it again, but he is still flirting with other women. Tell him this is his last shot and if he blows it you're leaving. Make him relalize that this joking around is screwing up his life with you.
You are not going to get shoved around anymore! This guy needs his boundraies. So set them! Tell him that you don't want him spending time with strange women. Anything that makes you feel safer about the relationship. You are not a toy. This guy is not going to cheat on you.
Your relationship may be a little shkay now, but in time he will take on maturity and you should reagin trust in him. If your faith never heals, the marriage is over. Sometimes it happens. Just remember that he ruined it- donot blame yourself. And that you will find another man. One that does not cheat and lie to you. One worth your marriage.
Good luck.
2007-02-12 10:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's time to contact a lawyer about a divorce, alimony, child support etc... I would say work it out, but he keeps on lying and messing with young girls. Maybe he have a problem that Dr. Phil need to fix Or Jesus. You need to leave before he give you something you can't get rid of. Why would you stay with this man after meeting this girl and then using his mouth on her and if he did that, he probably didn't use protection when he went into her. Now it's another young one. If he flirted then he'll go farther than that. This is his thrill. You best pack up and go before the doctor give you some bad news. He cares about nothing but young women and sex.
2007-02-10 11:52:07 · answer #4 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a mess. i know that you want to stay with him for the baby and all, but with a guy like that, you have got to cut the strings loose. He can still grow up with the baby, but he is holding you back. He may think that since you chetated on him, he has the right to cheat on you. a common friend you say? a friend of his that you grew accustomed to, or a friend of yours? maybe they have history. Maybe it is just unconcious flirting, when you flirt and don't even know it. you probably flirt to, and don't even notice. Is there another reason he is seeing these women. Buisness maybe. Women do work, as you probably know.Saying that h thought it was you is a new low however. Wouldnt he recocgnize your voice by now, even over the phone? or the style in which you type? You are mad at him because he chetaed on you, but you cheated on him also. Who is really at fault here. This however sounds like a terrible marriage, so end it.
2007-02-12 10:55:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will never trust him again. I am in the same situation and it is causing us some troubles as well. Communicate. That's my advice. But, honestly, you can try all you want, you will never trust him again. It will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind. You can pretend you DO but you never really will. Make the best of it. But, as for me, the day he told me the truth, I made my biggest mistake ever; I didn't walk away. I love my husband but I should have left him then and there. I guess I always wish since nearly everything else in life is punishable by law, why isn't adultery? Make BOTH parties involved do some prison time, maybe that will stop things. And maybe make the world a little safer too.
2007-02-12 03:56:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to dump him!!!!!!!! If you cheated before you were married.........that's one thing. You weren't married. You had no vows.....He has broken every vow that I can think of. You need to let him hit the curb as hard as he can......If you have to move in with a friend, your parents .....Just get rid of the culprit. It's hard telling if hes ever been faithful. Who knows what he's got and given to you. File for a divorce and child support. You havent been married very long so you probably wont be able to get permanent allimony. If you don't have a job, you should be able to get the attorney to have him pay you alimony as soon as possible. Oh yeah......Make sure your attorney is paid by your exhusband. That way, You'll know your lawyer will fight for your rights. It will have nothing to do with him being a cheat. You can't sue him for that. But your lawyer should be able to fight for you and your childrens rights by getting the scumb bag to pay out the butt.........At least for a little while. Good luck.
2007-02-12 11:44:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing it isn't right for anyone to cheat. For another why did he give you details on what he did to her and with her? That would make it worse for me. Just knowing that he cheated would be bad enough! And the same for him, just knowing that you cheated would be bad enough. Whether you cheated before you were married or after it doesn't matter you both still cheated and so the trust is gone. I think that maybe you both need to go to a marriage counselor. And maybe some separate counseling? Good luck and God bless.
2007-02-12 01:20:16 · answer #8 · answered by candib 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two should try to work this out. If he really is cheating on you then you have every right to break it off but until you know for sure you need to confront him and get him to tell the truth. You have two children together and it wouldn't be fair to them to be in a family where their parents don't trust each other. Think of your children and what is best for them and for you. Good luck and I hope that helps!
2007-02-12 13:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by *Dancer 4 ever* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Premeditated: then a couple of days later he actually has sex with her
Your husband knew what he was doing & chose to do it!
The reasons behind this kind of behavior are numerous, but does it matter?
You have lost your trust in him and HE is the only person who can change that situation. If he is willing to, see a marriage councilor.
Don't let him turn the tables on you! You were engaged, NOT MARRIED WITH CHILDREN!
2007-02-09 04:50:09 · answer #10 · answered by maj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋