He has left me and the kids 2x, only to ask to return home both times. I said yes both times because of the kids. He left because he isn't in love with me anymore but still loves me. He isn't having an affair. Each time he then shows me no interest and refuses to be intimate with me (won't even hug me). What should I do? How much would you take? Remember, there are 2 children involved.....
2007-02-04 13:11:41 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand that two children are involved but at the same time you need to understand that even though they are still children, they can since when something isn't right with their parents. Its understandable that you would want him around for the kids but you have to ask yourself if it is worth it for them to grow up and question weather or not their parents really love each other and then base their future relationships and their idea of what love and a relationship should be on what they are shown by you and him.
2007-02-04 13:19:58 · answer #1 · answered by N.O.CENTS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there.
The only reason he's probably returned is because he has nowhere else to go.
I know that there are 2 kids involved, but don't you feel you deserve someone who will appreciate you and love you the way you deserve to be loved.
As long as the both of you can come to an agreement with the kids...then the whole family would maybe be better off with a trial separation.
We tend to make so many sacrifices when it comes to our children, but being in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life is a resentment that they will carry with them when they get older and understand a bit more.
2007-02-04 13:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by marnan97 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will answer your question with a question... how do you expect your two beautiful children to learn about a loving and healthy marriage when all they see is a marriage where their parents don't like one another and show no affection toward one another? The idea that a couple should stay together for the children is a very wrong idea. If you aren't happy, your children won't be happy.. and if you only expose them to an unhappy home life, they will grow up only knowing about an unhappy life.. they won't know how to have a happy one.. they won't know what a happy and fulfilling relationship is like so they are very likely not to have one for themselves. Do your children a very large favor and give them a happy and peaceful home life. If that means leaving your husband, then that is what you have to do. Those children have to come first.. and for all the right reasons. Good luck.
2007-02-04 13:52:23 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would kick him out and do everything in your power to get those kids in your care! He got some growning up to do. Leaving then asking to come back and showing no interest in you is BS. He doesn't know what he wants obviously so he should have never been married in the first place. By the way, if you kick him out you will get the kids right away because with you, they will have shelter etc... i would also consider marriage counseling if you have not done that already.
2007-02-04 13:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by wickid_klown02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, his leaving and returning must be very confusing for your children. If he's willing to go to counseling with you, that might be a good idea. If he's not, then I'd suggest you go on your own. A professional would most likely be able to talk with you and help you decide whether you want to put up with this or not.
I can empathize with the uncertainty your kids must be feeling. My mom and dad separated a number of times (with him leaving, then returning) during my childhood before they finally divorced when I was about 15. Not a fun or secure experience!!
2007-02-04 13:16:44 · answer #5 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand there are children involved but is self-respect inolved?? What kind of example are you setting for your children. You want to be a rolemodel to your children, you want your children to grow-up thinking that their mother made some tough choices, but she was strong and had the courage to do what was right. By rolling over and letting this man make a doormat out of you, is not right -- for you or your kids. He obviously isn't a good father, probably not a good person, and the only thing he is doing by coming back is disrupting your household for you and your childdren everytime.
2007-02-04 18:33:10 · answer #6 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry this must be very hard for you. Try to seek comfort with people you can trust. Show love to him even when it's hard. You both made a commitment to love and care for each other 'til death do you part. Try to see a counsellor, gently share your feelings and listen to him, and be patient. He hasn't been treating you well - let him know that you've been hurt. Try to be patient and hope to rebuild your marriage. Even if your husband decides to leave, he will know that you cared and want what's best for your marriage. Your children aren't really ready to see a nasty fight, polarization or battle at home. This will show your children that you're a strong woman, give unconditional love to your family. This will demonstrate to respect others unconditonalyl and love unconditionally.
2007-02-04 16:13:47 · answer #7 · answered by bleu 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what faith you are but the very first thing you should do is pray for your husband. I also have to question the no affair thing. Not many men admit to having affairs. My cousin went through an 8-day intensive marriage counseling retreat in Colorado and it was wonderful for them... I will ask her what is was called and add it if your question is still open then. But I think you would benefit from Christian counseling.
The name of the retreat center was Stone Gate Resources, in Colorado Springs, CO Go to: http://www.stonegateresources.org/
2007-02-04 13:35:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you talk to your husband? Lack of intimacy doesn't mean that there's no more love between the two of you. Communication is very vital in marriage. If you still love him, and you still want to be with him, then make him stay-- but have a serious talk about the status of your relationship. If he still wants the marriage to work as well, try to resolve any differences for both parties. This is not only for the children, but for the both of you. It is useless to stay in a marriage when only one is 'still there' and the other one's mind and heart is astray.
2007-02-04 14:08:35 · answer #9 · answered by Charmed_Prue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your husband may be depressed. Since there are kids involved, I think you should both get to a marriage counselor before making a decision. There isn't really enough information here for good advice other than that. Take care.
2007-02-04 13:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by M L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋