ok so im 17 and my bf is 19, hes really controlling, we have been together for 5 years, he cheated on me 3 years ago and now he has a 2 year old son who has been living with us since he was 3 months ((his mother left him at our house and never came bac 4 him)) well i have raised his son as if he is my child, but he doesnt take care of his own kid, well now im pg by him. hes physically abusive and he is verbaly abusive. well if i leave him im afraid if i leave i cant take angel with me (( angel is his son )) im not allowed to leave the house unless im going to class (college courses, i graduated highschool last year) and he always tells his friends wat i look like naked and its really humiliating he tells me im fat (im not im 5'5 and im 132lbs) but im scared that he will hurt me now cuz im pg, he wanted me pg tho, i havent told him and im really scared im gonna get hurt even worse, and if i left could i get custody of angel, he thinks im his mommy?
2007-02-04 13:03:49 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
dont wanna be with emilio anymore, im scared of him. the first time he hit me was when angel was 5months and i haddnt made dinner yet cuz i was giving angel a bath ( i was 15 ) the last time he hit me was yesterday, he said it was cuz i wasnt behaving like i should because i was walking around MY house with just a t-shirt and panties on. i dont no wat to do with this situation, im emancipated from my parents, and i dont speak with them. i really wanna get out and have angel with me, we live in a really nice neighborhood in miami and hes nice infront of other people but when we get home hes a control freak, and i think he is still cheatin on me cuz he doesnt come home till like 3 or 4 in the morning
2007-02-04 13:04:28 · update #1
hes NOT a good father, hes NEVER at home, he NEVER spends time with HIS son, and angel doesnt call him daddy he calls him emilio cuz hes never been there for him, im fed up with him and i want to take angel with me. he calls me names he hits me in frount of angel and thats not good and i dont want to be with emilio anymore, he tells me im ugly and that im fat, he tells me imma ho ((hes the only man ive been with)) and that he is the only man i willl ever be with and the only mad i can get and that hes with me cuz he felt sorry for me, i really do love him ((which is bad)) but i want out of this relationship and dont want him in my unborn childs life AT ALL
2007-02-04 13:04:52 · update #2
I am not an expert, but I was in an abusive relationship at 16 with a baby also. It sounds like you're asking HOW to get away? Not IF you should, and that's a really good thing. I was much older than you when I realized it wasn't an IF matter. Remember this...sometimes you are going to have to give up something to get something better. As far as Angel is concerned, once you are out and safe with your own child....and you are able to maintain yourself maybe you could do some legal things to get Angel.....most likely his father will have a right to see him though. I went through a domestic violence counseling center. I am sure there is one in your area. Just be careful though, because you want to make sure that he doesn't know you are leaving him. Also, have a safety plan ready..just in case you ever need to leave out of the house quick....some things to think about are having an extra set of keys ready...some clothes etc..maybe a safe house of a neighbor you can run to. Because you are pregnant there will probably be more resources available to you. I'm so glad to hear you are still in school. You will need your education more than anything. It will give you the means to be indepedant. Why don't you try to ask someone at your school about resources that are available? Once you find them, make sure you use them! You have to GET OUT of there. A friend of mines boyfriend used to hit her and threaten to kill her....she always thought he was just saying things. One night she woke up to a knife at her throat...she got away luckily...however, a few months later another girl wasn't as lucky. I understand how hard it is not to have any support...it makes it feel almost impossible to leave.....you will probably be told to get a restraining order....in my opinion...holding a piece of paper up to someone does nothing except add anger...you need to really find a domestic abuse organization in your area, maybe one day when you are suppose to be in school you could do this. I really wish you the best of luck. It can be done...you can get out. Just be sure to get help.
2007-02-04 13:22:02 · answer #1 · answered by marie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Girl you need help, whether it be a friend, a relative or the state... Swallow your pride and set up a plan to leave because he will not be changing any time soon. It seems to me as if your boyfriend is into bad things and do you really want to raise your child in that?
If you don't talk to your parents, think about swallowing your pride and making the call. Admit you were wrong. Believe me, they would rather hear from you alive than to hear it from Miami PD - b/c girl you are headed to the morge.
As for Angel,.the best thing you can do is call child protective services, because IF you run with her, your the bad guy, and if you leave her - well only you know what your boyfriend and his people are capible of. This way, Angel is safe. Get the help you need, if it means a shelter, GO. Fancy houses are nothing when your dead.
The sooner you can get away from him, the sooner you can make a life for you and your unborn baby. Girl, you can go to school for free with grants, and get on welfare for housing, food and childcare. Don't be ashamed to use the system to better yourself, that's what it's there for.
And you are not fat at all. Compared to what? An airbrushed model? PA-LEEEEEEZE!
I must also warn you not to confide in anyone in your circle, friend or not. If they are his friend, they will NOT side with you. Find someone away from all that.
You are so young, don't let this guy ruin you. You do NOT deserve anything he dishes on you. YOU R BEAUTIFUL! And your going to be a beautiful single mother who one day will meet a real man, who will show you how a relationship really is! He's out there, I promise!
Just remember, you do not owe him anything. Even if he did take you in... He's abusive and you know this at age 17. If you leave now, by the time your 27, you'll have a career, your own things, a beautiful kid and maybe even a new REAL man! If not, think of where you'll be at 27... Pacing the kitchen floor DREADING him coming home b/c you don't know what "problem" he'll have this time.
WAKE-UP! LOVE YOURSELF & YOUR CHILD... Sometimes we have to leave things we love in order to survive. Angel will be fine, IF you do the right thing.
Girl also be careful, he could be watching everything u do, especially online. Good luck and Get out while you can!
2007-02-04 13:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I looked up child custody laws in the United States on wikipedia, and they look to be in your favor. Since he is abusive to you he can be considered, as far as I can tell, an "abusive parent" and therefore, if you took this to the court, he would most likely be on the losing side. The law thing that I looked at didn't make any references to what they would do if the mother was gone and the father was never home... Anyway, you need to find a way to take Angel with you and file the case soon after. He could charge you with "child abduction" but since you are taking care of the child all the time, this could be disregarded... Since the mother hasn't been seen, then custody could likely be rewarded to you because the father is abusive. Please go to court with this. I'm 13, so I guess I hate imagining a child having an idiot father who doesn't take care of his child, and disregards the privacy of his girlfriend. He could also go to jail for abusing you as far as I know. You shouldn't let on that you are going to do any of this until you are living seperately from him and have a restraining order. Anyway, I hope you get custody. Email me if you need any more advice after the question closes. I will be watching how this plays out if I can.. Anyway, Good luck!
Alex
2007-02-04 14:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to sacrifice some things here, you HAVE to leave him and Angel, that's a big pile of BS, having an abusive boyfriend. No offense, but he's really screwed up, I would never even think of hitting any woman, ever. Go tell someone about him, maybe report him to the police or something. Try to get him in court so you can have the chance of getting custody of Angel. Find another guy, if you wish. I just hope you'll be alright. It's a scary thing to have an abusive boyfriend, and it makes you feel as if you're not going to be safe, no matter where you are. Make sure he's behind bars, then you can go to sleep at night not having to worry about anything.
Good luck, and I hope it can all work out for you.
2007-02-04 13:10:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You probably don't need a tongue lashing at this stage of the game but WHERE THE HECK ARE YOUR PARENT? Get out of the house now. Go to the police and ask them to help you get into a women's shelter right now. Once you are at the shelter you need to use every service that they can provide you, like legal advice on what rights you have to Angel, restraining orders etc. And counseling, because you may leave this particular situation and this particular man, but until you deal with the reasons why you got with him in the first place and why you stayed with him in the second place, you'll just find another man like him and get yourself into another situation like this. I don't know what your feelings are about having this baby but if you do not have to have it, don't. At the age of 17 you don't have a good handle on your own life, and dragging a baby into this is really not a very good start for him/her. Get help and deal with the issues that brought you into a relationship like this. Then go to college and get yourself a profession so any two times some man wants to act a fool he can hit the door without you worrying about how to take care of yourself.
2007-02-04 14:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by shelton4258 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is there a close friend you have you can run to? if so do it when Emilio's gone, take Angel with you and some of your most important belongings, run to your friends, house, dial the police and tell them your situation and that he possibly would come after you for leaving, ask them if they could send an officer or two to the house youare staying at for a little protection, file for a restraining order against him, fight in court for Angel and NEVER EVER return to him even if he begs you to, the way he treated you then is the way he'll treat you always, and plus, in order to give birth a a healthy baby, you can't have him beating on you or abusing you in any way. RUN from him, run to the police for protection and a friend for comfort, if you don't have a friend to run to, then to someone's house you know, and tell then your situation, i'm sure they would be glad to help. Contact the police!! it's your only option of safety....do it without hesitation!!
2007-02-04 15:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well in a way it's a good thing you aren't married to this creep named Emilio and since he is incapable of being faithful to you, as well as incapable of being a good father to the son, you can ask yourself:
Am I better off without him?
And the best part is you can just kick his *** out the front door, get a restraining order aganst him if you have to and you don't have to pay one penny for a divorce lawyer.
Oh and you can also make sure he has no contact with the boy ever again, either.
Do yourself a huge favor, avoid getting involved with men for awhile, say, the next 10 or 20 years. Put your son first.
2007-02-04 17:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by daryavaush 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow sweetie im really sorry to hear that :( but yes you need to leave him and fast..i mean u should leave by tommorow and yes you should take lil angel with u..u need to ask a friend if u can live with them for awhile until u can get a place of ur own u need to get a makeover so that he cant recognize u as easily..and you need to get a restraining order against this pig..you dont deserve to be treated the way he treats you..u need to find a good man that will treat u with the respect you deserve.ask a lawyer if you can have custody of his child before leaving..because if u leave and take angel he can accuse u of kidnapping..and you dont want that..and you should leave when hes not home..i hope everything works out for you girlie..:)
2007-02-04 13:13:56 · answer #8 · answered by Julie 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how the court system works where you are, but you might be able to go to the county courthouse and ask to speak to a family court judge, and see if you can file an ex-parte custody case. It will be a long process, but worth it if you want angel. Emilio will have to be investigated, go thru drug testing, parenting classes, etc. You will need a guardian ad-litem also. You might be able to get temporary custody of angel while the court does its investigation, as well as a restraining order on emilio. take angel with you and just go to the family court and ask to speak to a judge privately. If the state (CPS) gets involved, angel might end up in foster care and i'ts really hard then to get him. Go over the state's head from the start, go straight to family court, they have jurisdiction over and above state, and you have a better chance. Tell the judge emilio is beating you and neglecting his son, that you want to petition for ex-parte, and you might just get him. It takes about 18 months before he will be yours, if the court decides he should be with you. Also, get out of the situation, get yourself to a shelter if you need to, get a job if you can, be as responsible as possible to raise angel (and the new baby) do everything the court and the guardian ad litem tell you to do, and STAY AWAY from emilio. If they advise you to let him visit angel, ask for supervised visits only. good luck.
you can email me if you want, I have been through this before, I know it can work. DO NOT take these other people's advice about calling protective services, or that you can't get him because he's not your son....... YOU CAN. But you have to go over the state's head to do it. If you call state protective services, he will be in the SYSTEM and it will take years of red tape and hassle........ keep him out of the system by going ex-parte.
2007-02-04 13:24:18 · answer #9 · answered by Squirrley Temple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in an extremly dangerous situation.
You need to take his son and get to a safe place as soon as possible, but you need to do this secretly because if your boyfriend finds out, he will harm you.
It's true that you don't have custody of his son, but I would worry about that later because you don't want to leave that child with his father because the child would be in danger. You can worry about the legal stuff later, but for right now you need to get yourself and his son to safety.
Don't tell his son about what you are planning because you don't want the child to accidently tell his father. The key is to leave when you know your boyfriend will not be home and when you can get away without him catching you.
If you can go to your parent's for now you may want to do that, or maybe there are some battered women's shelters where you live that you can seek help. Maybe you can go to the police station and they can direct you to a battered women's shelter.
Maybe some others on this site will give you some advice as to where to go.
When you leave don't worry about packing a lot of stuff because you can get that later with a police escort. For now, the most important thing is to get yourself someplace safe and far away.
Don't believe your boyfriend if he later tells you that he is sorry or that he loves you because it is not true. Also, don't belive him if he tells you that he will never hit you again because that is not true either. The graveyard is full of women who's boyfriend or husband told them that it would never happen again.
My prayers are with you.
2007-02-04 13:22:49 · answer #10 · answered by Seldom Seen 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋