Can anyone else PLEASE HELP ME i'm crying!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year and 3 months. I love him to death but I’m concerned about our relationship. I feel he treats me like crap. In the beginning of our relationship he kept pushing me to have sex with him I kept saying no and at one point he was at a party somewhere far away called me and told me if I didn’t sleep with him soon he was going to dump me because he was wasting his time. It made me feel awful and we broke up for awhile. Soon after he came back and apologized to me. We went back out. He began to lie to me about things. (HE SMOKES WEED) PRETTY OFTEN actually and it makes me feel uncomfortable. He would make plans with me then ditch me to go smoke weed. We’d have plan’s he’d call me last minute and tell me he had to break them. He even went as far as to say he had to entertain his GRANDPARENT’S GUESTS at there house!! We went to junior prom last year and now this year he is telling me that I should find another date to MY SENIOR prom because he doesn’t want to spend the money. (He goes to a different school.) And that I couldn’t go to his. Like this year I would have to choose one or the other. He had made a promise to me since the day we started dating that he would never smoke in front of me. Well he was having a party at his house and said he “had to smoke” and told me to not show up to his party because of it. He had me in tears. He told me if I did show up he was going to smoke regardless of my feelings. I was so upset. I have had sex with him on VERY few occasions and I told him I felt like I wanted to abstain for a year. He told me if I chose that path he’d be forced to break up with me because it took me a year to have sex with him in the first place. Yesterday he and I were going to a fancy party together he asked me to drive myself in my dress and high heals to his house because he didn’t feel like picking me up. When I refused he got VERY ANGRY WITH ME and told me I’d have to pay for his gas money. I refused some more and he finally picked me up but complained about it the whole time and was rude to me for about half the night. Today was another GREAT example of him being a jerk and what really pretty much drew the line for me. I was going over his house tonight….and I had my car so I would have to be sober tonight. He was planning and drinking and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable. He said well I want to drink and I want to see you. I told him I really didn’t feel comfortable and that he had to pick me or the alcohol. He told me that I see things in black and white and that it shouldn’t be that way. He said he was choosing the alcohol and then asked me “when are we going to hang out” I told warned him if he chose the alcohol over me we’d be done. I hung up the phone and haven’t talked to him since.

I’m very confused and not sure of what to do. I know a lot of this made it sound like he is a bad person. But I’m not sure what to think of him. He is someone I can talk to about ANYTHING! I know if I have a problem he’ll always be there for me no matter what! I know that if I needed someone to stick up for me it would be him. I tell him everything and he has never judged me. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and done everything together I’m not sure what to do.
QUESTIONS:….
-Is he treating me REALLY BADLY??
-should I end it with him.
-Is he using me for sex?
-Should I just take a break?
-what would you do in my situation? PLEASE HELP PLEASE!! I’m REALLY UPSET

Answer 1

Yes he is treating you very badly. Should you end it with him..again Yes. Is he using you for sex? That I'm not sure..Should you take a break YES.

You have told me of all the horrible things that he has said and done to make you feel bad..he hasn't treated you with respect in anyway shape or form...my concern is why it is that you would tolerate his abuse?

You have the right to be respected, loved and treated with kindness...he isn't doing any of these things.

You should step back and find yourself..and figure out why it is that you are willing to be abused by him and fix it before going forth with dating anybody else. Life is so very short..and I being "older" can tell you that I wish I had somebody sit me down and tell me these things when I was your age...life for me in my twenties would have been entirely different.

If a person truly cares for you they don't hurt you, they protect you and cherish you ..they don't expect you to put all of your feelings aside for him.

One more thing..When people show you who they are believe them! He has shown you that he is selfish and uncaring..believe him..don't try to make excuses for his behavior that will enable you to stay with him..move on..set yourself free from this nonsense so you can go on being a happy go lucky teenager..

Best of luck to you!!!

Answer 2

Hey there friend,


Please don't cry girl.He does sound like an asshole to me.I am not trying to make you upset but he is treating you like a slave.

His drug habit is more important.If he really wanted to see you he would make arrangements for you too to get together without the drugs.He has to respect your opinion,he does not have to agree but respect them.

Also yes I do belive he is treating you like garbage.Sex is a closeness that a couple share.He is taking full advantage of that one hon.A real mature man that cares about you will not force you.Again respect your decision.

I am not telling you what to do.You can make your own mind but do you want to continue this realtionship like this much longer??No you should not.You derserve better girl.There are plenty of men out there hon.Keep your head up high and don't let anybody walk over you (man or woman).Be good to yourself.You are the only person you can count on in this world!!

If I were you I would end this immature relationship.Let him find some young insecure girl that has no self esteem.You my dear have self esteem to be looking for help and answers.You may be young but it is all a learning process.Ditch the moron and find yourself a good man girl! Deep down inside you know what to do you just need someone to give you that boost.

Talk to a good friend or family member for emotional support to help you through this.It may help you more than you think.

Best of luck! Don't ever let anyone walk on you.Be good to yourself!!!!

Answer 3

1.) He is treating you horribly. If he is going to choose drugs and alcohol over you, you need to move on and show him what he's missing.
2.) Yes, you need to leave him and now. You say he'll be there for you no matter what but you needed him on all those occasions that you talked about and he made you upset for needing him.
3.) I'm not sure he's using you for sex but he's not respecting you. If you want to abstain then abstain. If he can't respect that then you don't need him.
4.) I don't think a break will work. It takes a lot to get through to a guy who chooses drugs and alcohol over his girlfriend.

Honey, my advice would be to find someone else. There are a lot of guys out there who would treat you so much better. You don't have to take this abuse.

Answer 4

No he isn't treating you badly
You should end the relationship if you are unhappy
He isn't using you for sex or he wouldn't have waited a year to be with you in the first place
You should take a break in the relationship if you are unhappy

Here is my take: you are a bit to uptight. What he does with his life is his decision, I don't understand why you are placing so many rules on him. If he does this it's over, if he does that than it's over. Making him choose between you and other things. That's manipulative and controlling behavior. If you don't want to be with this guy or don't like the way he treats you than break up with him, otherwise just shut up and try to enjoy the relationship. I'm sure I sound mean but you have to stop trying him to be someone you want him to be and either love him or hate him for who he really is.

Answer 5

Well tell you what: I could be your mother age wise....I have a daughter around your age...that being said....yes you will get a lot of answers like the first one here, I know these are not the answers you are looking for, you need somebody to tell you that its all good and that it will all change and that he's the one because YOU love HIM so much. I will not tell you that, I have the feeling you have to work on your esteem a bit. This young man is playing you and - sure - it could get better with time, chances are it won't! I was as young and in love as you are ...and I was in similar situations, I learnt the hard way! Let me tell you, I lost respect for men and mistook sex for love for a long time. Somebody that chooses weed over you and booze is not worth your beautiful young years. There are so many good guys out there - don't ruin your youth with that one!

Answer 6

it sounds like you obv. love this guy or else you wouldnt even think for a minute and you would have dumped him already. he seems to be really inconsistent and difficult from what you said. and from the way you described him it sort of sounds like you are trying to convince yourself that he is not good for you (which i think is true) he clearly is after sex....i'm not quite sure if that is all because i dont really know the particulars. but if he is going to be so pushy and rude and inconsiderate then i think you would be better off with somebody else. he doesnt deserve you. i know this is going to be hard...but i think ultimately this will be better then just continuing to put up with all this crap he gives you. So i think it would be best if you just flat out tell him where you are at and how you are feeling (make sure it is when he is sober and clean) and tell him about all the things he does that hurt you and that you dont appriciate. BUT make sure you also apoligize for how you ended your last phone conversation and also mention the things that make you want to stay with him (the good things) and therefore make this descion so hard. And mention that you are aware that there are things that YOU need to change about your attitudes too to make this all work. (maybe try to be less sensitive and more understanding of his addictions or what not...as much as you disaprove of them) (or else he would just feel overwhemed by all the bad stuff you are saying about him) and end it by saying "so this is a very hard place for me because i love you but i just don't appricate some of the things you do to me...it make me feel like you dont really appriciate and respect me. so if we can not resolve this somewhere and meet somewhere in the middle then i think... as much as i hate to say this... that we are over."

Answer 7

You are so young still. This guy is treating you badly. He has no respect for you at all. You can find another and you will find another. It is time you sent this guy packing. My dear, just read the question yourself, you have the answer already. Be strong, be positive and stand up for yourself. No man should ever treat you like that. If he cared about in the least, he would be understanding and caring. The pot thing isn't helping either. He isn't going to stop just for you. It is too important to him. He is not for you sweetie. Get some self respect and open your eyes to this loser. The hurt will be gone before you know it. There are so many choices available to you. You are young. Enjoy it.

Answer 8

Wel.... i won't be able to say I did, yet once you like a movie to cry to (i assume you're conversing with reference to the movie right here), then watch "Grave of the Fireflies" from Studio Ghibli's Miazaki. it relatively is an anime movie that makes "huge" look like "chuffed Gilmore" and that's coming from somebody who regularly would not cry for the duration of video clips. The movie became into approximately 2 toddlers who stay in the process the yank firebombing marketing campaign of Japan... hands down the saddest movie i've got ever considered, and ever think of i will see!

Answer 9

I wouldn't say he is treating you really badly, considering nothing in the above paragraph actually harmed you or put you in danger.

I think it sounds kindof silly for you to say you want to be with him because you can talk to him about anything though, since it sounds like he may listen but have very little respect in his response. For instance, you were able to talk about your reservations about having sex, and about your desire to abstain for a while - and he threatened to dump you!

Do you want to end things with him? It sounds like you need to think long and hard about whether you are with him because of your relationship as it is now or because you have fond memories of when you first started going out.

If I were in your situation, I would not take a break. A break simply gives him time to get more involved with the vices that are already hurting your relationship, like smoking and partying. Breaks are almost always a waste of time anyway, unless you need some for yourself to think. What I would recommend is having a conversation with him where you clearly state which aspects of his behavior are intolerable and how you want him to correct them. For instance, "When we were going to the fancy party, it frustrated me that you continued to nag me all night about having to drive me. When we are going somewhere together, I expect you to be willing to come pick me up sometimes without complaining."

At the same time, you have to give a little. You chose him as your boyfriend, so you can't expect him to just not smoke or not drink or not refuse to drive you somewhere. It's unlikely that he picked all these habits up recently, so you dug that hole when you decided to date him.

It's obvious he is missing some characteristics that you would like your boyfriend to have, the key is deciding whether those traits are things you can live without (aka courtesy or sobriety...).

Answer 10

yes
yes
i'm not sure
no, end it
i know this is hard for you. but there are SO many fish in the sea. you have to believe me.
you deserve better than this.
there are tons more guys that you can talk to about anything and that will always be there for you...and you will find the perfect one for you i am sure.
do not deal with this abusive relationship.
you have gone through too much pain already.
you should be able to have fun with him, not worry about him, or about feeling comfortable. feeling comfortable is very important in your relationships.
good luck. that is MY opinion. i would get out of that.