is this poem good?

Question

She’s just leaning over there,
Alone in the crowd,
As they keep on pushing her around.
‘It hurts so bad’ she whispers.

Maybe she doubt her too much.
She had noone to be with,
Because she never had the courage
To speak up for herself.

‘Why me?’

They never payed any respect
She deserved.
She always cared
But they never did.

Inside she’s crying,
Outside she’s smiling,
Like nothing’s happening.
But there was a lot going on.

‘Will they understand?’

Maybe she doubt her too much.
She had noone to be with
Because she never had the courage
To speak up for herself.

She thinks there’s no point to live.
But there is,
Maybe she just had to look for it.
And she goes off, not knowing what will happen.

‘I guess it’s this hard.’

Then, she found someone,
Someone so dear and precious.
She promised herself never to let go.
But he didn’t feel the same way.

‘Why me?’

After that,
She was always hiding and crying
She doubt herself too much
And she just disappeared silently

She was gone,
As if she were never there,
They wondered where she went,
Noone knew.

‘Soon, they will.’

They hurt her so bad,
noone knew.
She would never forgive them, ever.
As she would never forgive herself.

They found her little quiet small diary in her bag.
‘It hurt so bad
Inside I was crying
Outside I was smiling
Like nothing’s happening
There was more to that than a small innocent smile
Behind that smile was everything noone would understand.’

They read on,
Knowing it was their fault
But she would never forgive them
As she would never forgive herself.

do i need to do anything else to improve it?

Answer 1

Wow..pretty good. (and beleive me--i've seen some crap on this board!) Apart from some grammatical errors I'm impressed.
Though it seems a bit adolescent, I think you get the point across in a wonderful way.
My advice? Put the poem on the shelf for a couple of weeks/monts and then read it over again--chances are, you'll know what to correct/revise; take it from a fellow poet, that method works!! Just give your poetry time, and eventually it will blossom.
Moore advice? Read books--no, not other poetry, literature. I got my inspirations from Depression era books (i.e. Steinbeck and Pearl Buck...but also some other stuff--like Tolstoy). Ushally classic books get your poetry flowing--you experience things that broaden your horizons and enlighten you. Take it from me, it's worth it!
Kudos to you! Story-Poems can be hard to write!

good-luck.

Answer 2

I have taken poetry, and yours seem to just ramble on, saying some things and then saying something completly opposite.

Stay consistant!

Sometimes you could say more with less words. It was actually a bit painful to read it. You have some good ideas, try to rework it, into something more manageable.

Especially when you write..."It hurts so bad...then you go on and say, "Outside she is smiling".

I just don't see how this is reality, unless she is crazy. I would say the poem is below good, but with work...a lot of it, something could be salvaged.


But be consistant! If you are not...you will lose the reader.

Answer 3

wow thats a good poem
did you write it?