My husband has just told me he wants us to go our seperate ways?

Question

I met my husband a year ago , we moved in together after six months and got married at the end of October. On Friday he told me that he would like us to end the realtionship . Whe had a fight and it was about me being insecure so he is just tired of the fights and he says that he does not have the energy to see the realtionship through. He says he loves me very much but he cant help the way he is feeling. he says that he will not move out of our bedroom immediately coz he needs time to sort out his feelings. This is all hard for me and I cant stop crying. He is very stubborn and will not give me another chance and says the only way that I can help the situation is to give him time and see what happens . It may go either way, we might get back together or he may leave . He says there is no other woman .What should I do now. How do I save my marriage. How do I give him the time and space he needs. He will not consider counseling at all.

Answer 1

obviosly you need to split up if your are fighting to much. Also, if a guy says its time to end the relationship, it is time. It will never be the same if you continue.

Answer 2

The best thing for you to do is to leave immediately. Call your friends and/or family, see if someone would be willing to give you a place to stay for a week or two. This will get you out of the house, give you some support from a person you trust, and will hopefully help you sort out your feelings a bit. You need someone to talk to, someone to care for you and support you right now; you shouldn't be going through this alone. I know it feels desperate right now, but it will get better; you need someone's help to get you through the worst. Seems like you both have kind of rushed into this marriage, and it's possible that the two of you are not even compatible. If so, it's best to end it sooner rather than later, learn your lessons and move on to bigger and better things. Whether or not it's the best course of action is something you will have to figure out when the dust settles a bit. But right now - move out, and start looking for a place to live on your own. Whatever you do - DO NOT act desperate in front of him; do not lose your pride. You can keep on living and be happy, with or without him. Just try to remember this: everything that happens, happens for the better. You will make it through. Best wishes.

Answer 3

You can't save your marriage because he doesn't want to.
No counseling? He won't move out of the bedroom, let alone the house? He doesn't have the energy and what does he mean, "he needs time to sort out his feelings"? Honey, his feelings are right out there, he wants out, and he wants it all his way. Let me be frank, grow some spine and ask him to leave, now, then contact a lawyer. In some states if you leave the marital home it can be used against you. Then harden your heart, and don't give him another chance to hurt you. He is stubborn, and you can be too, but don't leave it all up to him, that will only make him think even less of you than he already does. If you can't stand up to the bum, then leave and if you don't have kids never contact him again except through an attorney. He has all together too much power over you and he isn't willing to do anything but leave you waiting pitifully in the dust while he, like a lord, makes up his mind.
Please don't love someone like that.

Answer 4

i would be the first to answer this question. guess what? i am going thru a similar situation and i met my husband the same way as you. in one year, we met, got married, and then got pregnant and THEN moved halfway across the world. but things went downhill after 2-3 yrs. from what i know and learn about things like this, 70% sudden marriages doesn't last long. ppl make mistakes and i hope i didn't. things may seem hard for you now, but from what i read, your man wants more than just a "time-out". i don't consider that good news. he has something up his sleeves; tho why u bring up the topic, "HE says there is no other women" if he said that to you then it has to mean something. i know the pain. If i can have a say in this, save the marriage, i would ask him what is the problem and why. thats the only thing you can know if he gives you the honest answer. i sincerely hope you use your head and don't let him hurt you. like i said, i know whats its like and i've been to where "i don't want to leave him but he leaves me no choices." he is the one who brought up the subject of wanting a seperation. in less than a year? it doesn't sound like a good or down to earth guy. good luck girl...

Answer 5

First, let me say I am sorry you are going through this. Love can be so complicated. If you are insecure, then you really need to work on that. Insecurities will definately end a relationship or marriage. My best advice to you is to separate on a trial basis for at least 2 weeks. Call each other 2 times a week, but do not see each other. Ever heard the saying, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? If he really loves you, then he will not cheat on you and he will not want to end your marriage. In time you will be able to work things out. Trust me, it takes a lot of time and patience. Trust is very important in a marriage. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 6

You might just get some counseling for yourself. It may be too late to pull things together regarding him, but it will help you to understand yourself and build your self esteem and work on your own strengths, so that the next relationship doesn't go the same way. I'd tell him to go ahead and move out of the bedroom so he can get a feel of what this is going to be like. If he doesn't consider counseling there is not a lot that you can do.

Answer 7

Well it sounds like what u need IS counseling and if he is not willing to consider that then the best thing to do is to give him his space. Their are too people involved in your relationship and if he is not willing to try and make it work instead of just calling things off after not even being married a year then he definitely needs his space. U dont deserve to have to put in the majority of the work to make the relationship work. So if you are willing to work on your part ( the insecurity) then he should be willing to work on his part. You guys are married not just boyfriend and girlfriend and he had to know it would be trials and tribulations before he married you and when he married u i am sure he knew that everything would not be peaches and cream and u would have to put in work. But anyway if its space he needs then give it to him he will also see what he would be losing in that time...a woman who loves him and who he needs to prove his love to otherwise or u wouldnt be insecure in the first place

Answer 8

Well if it were me I would tell him to have at it. If he wants to throw your insecurities in your face he is not much of a man anyway. If he were, he would go to counceling with you. Most of the time if a guy wants to tell you that you are insecure it is because you are upset over him being a little to friendly with another woman. That is his way of trying to make you think it is all in your head. Don't buy that bull. Even if you are insecure, he would try to help you with that if he wanted the marriage to work. He is probably just mad because you ask him to show you a little respect when he is around other women. They get real defensive when they are wrong. He is probably playing a stupid game by telling you that he wants to seperate but not leave the bedroom JUST YET, thinks he is giving you something to think about and time to beg him not to go by promising you will never be insecure again which mean that when he wants to flirt with other women he will remind you that you are being insecure again. In other words don't let him play you .just tell him that you really love him and if he wants to leave that you will not try to stop him because you want him to be happy and that you can not help being insecure anymore than he can help the way he feels. When he sees that you are not going to beg him to stay, he may change his mind and if he doesn't, well you haven't lost much if he can not even go to counceling to try to save his marriage. BE STRONG at least in front of him or he will play on your weakness.

Answer 9

Then do as he says... Leavge him and seperate for a while and give him some space.... Ask him if he is open at all to working on the marriage. Does he still love you at all? Go to counseling and ask him if he would be open to marriage counseling with you. If he does not want the marriage or to be with you you cannot make someone love you and you will need to let him go. If he wants out let him go and move on with your life... This will hurt but you will be okay and i suggest you get counseling and help for this. Just leave and seperate for now and give him some time.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 10

Maybe stop being so insecure. If he is doing nothing to create these insecurities in you, then you need to work on yourself. Once you figure that out, you might have a shot at making this marriage work. Sometimes us women can be insecure for nothing. I know from experience, I used to be extremely insecure, but I have gotten way better over the years and so can you.

Answer 11

You need to give him the time. I hesitate saying this because he will not go to counseling during his "time" apart from you. But you have no choice. For sure if you do not give him his time, he will dump you.

It is at best a 50-50 proposition if after his "time" he will come back to you.

Meanwhile, I would go to counseling yourself. Seek help to deal with the potential loss of your husband, as well as to deal with the insecurity that your husband says is driving him nuts. Maybe it is insecurity, maybe it isn't. Tell him you are going to counseling FOR YOURSELF . . . don't tell him it's to SAVE THE MARRIAGE, because that can't happen without him. Tell him that he would be helping you if he described specifically what behaviors you demonstrate that shows you are insecure. This way you can relate them to your therapist and determine if indeed you are being insecure or reasonable.

Do this for YOURSELF.