Should I allow her back in my life?

Question

"Michele" and I have been friends for 4 yrs or so. She's been there with me (and I with her) through several rough times in each of our lives, and we WERE best friends. But she started doing little things that upset me, such as telling everyone at my wedding (she was my matron of honor) that she helped me make my dress and she made the cake. She did NOTHING with my dress other than tell me it was coming along well. She was supposed to make the cake, but blew me off the whole week before the wedding, so I made it.
To top it off, shortly after the wedding, she babysat my kids while my husband and I went to do some errands. My older kids said Michele had SPANKED my 1 yr old for touching the heater (this is in August - the heat wasn't on!). When I asked her about it, she said she did no such thing, but she had them LYIN EYES.
My kids would never lie about something so important, and they call her Aunt Michele. I know she lied to me, so I stopped communicating with her.

I got an email from her today saying she on the verge of a breakdown, and needs me. She even added the point that she was there for me when I needed her, that I should return the favor (but said in a polite way - that was her jist). I don't need anymore controlling, lying, child-hitting people in my life. What should I do?

I am a very compassionate person. She mentioned in her email that she is having suicidal thoughts. She is a grown woman, with grown children. My instinct is saying maybe I should call her husband and tell him what she said, and keep my distance from her personally.

One more thing, she's infatuated with my husband (and no he isn't interested), and she keeps infected my kids with lice. We got rid of them, she came around, the kids had them again. Spent 50% of the summer shampooing and combing 5 girls' heads. She apparently doesn't care to get rid of them from her own head.

My only reasoning for perhaps not contacting her hubby is that he isn't exactly husband of the year himself. He has a history of drug use (at least pot), and was still using the last time I talked to her in Sept. Telling him may make her life worse. Guess I should really just think about me, my kids, and my husband! Thanks for all the help. You guys are great!

Answer 1

You need to be done with this woman.
Give her all the mental health numbers in your area as well as support groups like Recovery Inc and Emotions anonymous information, your sincere apologies and walk away.
It sounds like she has changed from the woman you used to have a friendship with.
Head lice that keeps going through your family, spanking your baby and no way you can trust what she tells you anymore? Doesn't sound like any definition of a friend that I am aware of.
btw, I have plenty of experience dealing with depression and it doesn't give me any excuse to be a shoddy friend.

Answer 2

Honestly I think you just answered your own question - you don't need and more lying cheating people in your life. I am also a mother and I don't like people like your friend "Michelle" around my child. I think this is not a good situation for you and your kids. I had a friend that used to use me all the time and always wanted my help with everything but when I needed her the most she backed off. The final straw was that her son abused my partner at his work (he is a police officer) and she also abused him thinking that it would have no affect on me. Well I am no longer friends with her. I know this is a little of the track. But honestly you don't need someone in your life like that, you need to tell her to figure her own problems out. If she was a true friend she would have made your wedding cake!!

Answer 3

Sounds to me like she is a little off, maybe her self-steem is low, and also sounds like you have the life she wants but doesn't have...it's good to be there for her, but, you also have a family to take care of...I think you need to try and get her into a group or get her voluteering where she feels needed, and then maybe she can meet someone and have her own life, and not be wanting your life....a true friend stands beside you, guides you, loves you through it all, but, if she is having a nervous break-down she could be dangerous and you have your kids to think about....been in the same situation..and right before her nervous break-down she did all kinds of things I never thought she would do, and stopped seeing her and dealing with her...she ended up in the hospital, she got help, and when she got out and got on her meds, and got back to herself, we are still friends/best friends till this day...over 25 years now, and we talk about it and did when all of it went down, but, call a priest to go to her if she is having emotional trouble, a parent, someone that knows how to deal with things of this nature, because you could put yourself and your entire family at risk...and it sounds like she really hasn't been your friend all along, just wants to be you, isn't happy with herself....and that's a shame...for both of you...good luck, but, be careful and if she gets help, quits lying and shows and proves to you she is your friend, then stick by her, but, actions speak louder than words...and from what she has said and all even when you were getting married, doesn't sound like a true friend, and who needs friends like that...you have the best friends right under your nose, your husband and kids...enjoy them, and just see what happens...but, I think I would leave her alone..

Answer 4

Call her and tell your sorry she's going through this. But she needs professional help and you cant give her that. At times you have to be selfish in life. meaning you family is more important than her and her drama. I knoww this sound very mean. But she spanked your kid and lied about it. She wants your husband, and your considering lettin gthis woman around your family. NO WAY... If you do decide to deal with by phone only. Because you can get lice and bring it home to everyone else. maybe you can call her husband and see if he know about this. If not he can arrange for her to get help. See then you did your job without getting directly involved

Answer 5

I personally would believe the kids. They are too innocent to lie about such things. I would not trust her again. Under no circumstances, ever leave your kids in her charge again. Keep her at arms length. She sounds like a trouble maker, Plus you no she lied about the cake and the dress, and you no that for a fact. With friends like that, who needs enemies.

Answer 6

Follow your gut instinct. There is nothing wrong with helping her if you really feel like you need to, however, if you are not comfortable communicating with her, than follow your plan and call her husband. You don't need any negative people in your life. I use to have a friend like that, I dropped her.

Answer 7

I could be friendly to, and help anyone...including someone I hated.
Your eyes are wide open about who and what she is, and if you CAN help her..you'll be the bigger person. You don't have to open up your heart or your life to her to help her...consider yourself in a counselor position of sorts.
How many counselors become best friends with someone they are helping out? Be professional, friendly, and kind in your approach. Don't leave your kids with her, or open yourself up to anything else that will give her the impression that things are back to normal.
If she asks about it, you can even be honest with her, and tell her that you still haven't gotten over what she did in the past, and that you are "just being cautious".
Good luck!

Answer 8

I would tend to leave the door closed or plan some time with her away from your family. Maybe she has some real problems, but she is not someone you can depend on or trust, I kind of like that in a friend.

Answer 9

First it needs to be on your terms. And you need to want to let her in . It is possible she is feeling left out or jealous of your new people in your life. Many people cannot express their sadness and use anger and vilolence as a way to express it. Just don't let her baby sit and maybe spend some one on one time helping her that way she won't interfere or get mad at your husband and children . Keep them seperate . If she is nice to you one on one then be nice to her. Have lunch or go out just you and her from time to time. I bet she is feeling very left out. And sad.

Answer 10

you don't need her in your life. you deserve better. no one should have to go through what you did. this isn't a person you want around your kids either. i think it would be healthy for you and your kids if you moved on and found someone who would treat you with some respect, dignity, and one that will always be there for you and your children not someone who will always treat you like a doormat. she is not worth your time and effort. hope this helps. good luck.