We have been married for 5 years. I have never had a girlfriend or a bi experience but I have a few friends that are bi and I am attracted to 2 of them. What do I do? Do I just keep fighting the urge? Is it maybe because I'm just curious? I don't know what to do.
2007-02-04 10:51:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
We are all attracted to people that we think are beautiful. Each one of us thinks that are friends are pretty or handsome, we don't think we have ugly friends. If you don't plan on acting on your urges or attraction to these women then there is no need to tell your husband. That would be the same as you being attracted to another man but would never do anything with him. If you love your husband you will not do anything with either of those women, because if you do, it's cheating whether it's with a man or a woman.
It is also in the Bible that we are not to have homosexual relationships. God knew that we would have these urges but it is up to us to fight them off and live like He wants us to live.
2007-02-07 02:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by T.K. 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This could turn out real bad, or real good. It's up to you.
First off, be honest. These urges just don't suddenly pop up overnight. You've always been that way. Be honest with yourself.
Not knowing the nitty gritty details it's hard to say much more. If yoiu care for you soon to be ex-husband, then you OWE it to him to express your tendancies and leanings towards having a female lover. Maybe your heterosexual marriage was never meant to be.
Who knows? Maybe your new love interest is bi too, and you, he and she could have a hot LTR. Probably not but worth a shot. Nothing to loose at this point.
If the shoe were on my foot, I'd wish my wife good riddance and good luck in her next affair and walk away. I'd be broke, rejected, and screwed over by the anti-male court system but I'd still have my pride.
2007-02-04 20:00:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Sabrina. I think this is a very popular fantasy with men.
How can you get this started? One way would be to start with a porn DVD, in which two women have sex. Watch your husband to see how he reacts. Feel him to see if he responds sexually to what he sees. After that you might let him suggest a threesome with another woman involved. Make sure the woman is not going to steal him from you. Once he sees you in action with a woman any barriers he has to the idea will fall away. This will also give you the opportunity to try gay sex without getting committed.
I am bisexual and in my life I have found it very difficult to satisfy my sexual needs with one person. This has in the past placed great stress on me, my partner and our marriage. Even so we have worked things out and have now been together for 30 yrs.
You could probably have a relationship with a girlfriend for a while and your man will probably not notice. But at the same time you will slowly undermine your relationship with him because there will be a barrier between you, which he will not be really aware of although he might (if he's sensitive) feel. You on the other hand will feel the barrier and it will lead to react less spontaneously and be less joyful than could be.
Ultimately the only option is to be honest about this. "Cheating" will only make it more difficult for him to accept things later on.
One final thing: a woman is less jealous of a man going with another man than with another woman and for men the same is true, a man will be less likely to be jealous if you go with another woman than if you went with another man.
2007-02-04 19:37:16 · answer #3 · answered by Augusta B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough spot. If you're honest about your feelings, he might think it's new way for him to join in on some fun. If you tell him you want the opportunity to discover your new feelings alone, then you are cheating. You have to decide how strong your marriage is. There are many kinds of marriage, some open, some very closed. Yes, the curiosity can drive you crazy. It's the not knowing. What if???? But it's just like any other relationship, you have to decide if what you have now is wha you want......
2007-02-10 20:05:33 · answer #4 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you need to be clear in your mind whether or not you're wanting to have sex with a woman, if it has to be now, and under what circumstances.
Being bi doesn't mean that you get to have one of each, or that you need to. It just means that you're attracted to both genders.
You're probably used to getting twinges when you see a man that strikes your fancy. You probably enjoy them, at least a little, even if you have no intention of ever acting on them. It will be that way with women too, you're just in the teenager stage of development in your lust for them. It's also very possible that what you most need to do is to incorporate this new idea of yourself. Acting on your curiosity is one way, but not the only one.
Second, don't treat it like 'breaking the news'. If you choose to tell your husband, it's sharing something special about yourself and that deserves respect. If you're not comfortable with it, then you're probably not ready to tell him yet.
2007-02-04 20:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
How strong is your relationship? Do you think it would survive this? This can either make your relationship stronger, or break it. Are you ready for that? I would talk to him about it. Do you want to include your husband in this side of you to begin with, or explore on your own first? Are you ready to see your husband involved sexually with another woman?
As other posters have said, many men have fantasies about this. I think with clear communication, it can work. But, jealousy issues can come up, too. It depends a lot on your husband's personality.
I would bring it up in a totally non-threatening way. You have to know what your plan is first, though. Do you want to explore on your own, or want your husband there? Do you want your husband to be involved, or not? Are you willing to let him go out and find another woman to have sex with if he chooses not to be involved, and are you ok with that? Are you and your husband open enough with each other to talk about what has happened without jealousy?
I would try it if I were you, just so you know. If it isn't for you, then it isn't. If it is, and you can share that with your husband, it can add a lot to your relationship, and make it stronger.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-04 19:14:03 · answer #6 · answered by Sabrina H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats a tough one. I do like the persons answer about the fish and sausage. Very funny! Anyway, no matter what sweetie your relationship will suffer whether you tell him or don't tell him. It seems you are already on the verge of having an affair. Seek some professional counseling regarding this issue if you don't know what to do.
I wish you the best.
Jason
2007-02-04 19:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband and he loves you, then you should tell him. If you are open about your feelings perhaps he might enjoy watching his wife with another woman. Maybe he would like to be with you and another woman, as most men fantasise about this.
I think that being open and honest brings couples closer and you can both explore your sexuality together. You never know you may open a new door and have lots of fun on the way!
Have fun
Jules
2007-02-04 19:01:14 · answer #8 · answered by baroni2486 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This is what ya do honey. Tell your husband you wanna have a threesome. and if he says yeah then you can ask your Bi friends to join y'all. This way you get a three some plus it settles your curiousity. And if ya get the urges again tell him you wanna another Three some! you get what you want and he gets what he wants.
2007-02-09 10:27:40 · answer #9 · answered by Fighting Irish Lass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either
1. Fight off the urges
2. Get a divorce
This is out of respect for the vows you took and their meaning. If your urges aren't too strong, let it go.
You can always ask him if he'd allow you to see a woman on the side, but he isn't obligated to go along with that, and you cannot blame him if he doesn't. Guys typically want to be involved or even watch, but most women want to leave the sausage at home. The woman-to-woman intimacy is for YOU, not for his fantasy. You should be honest with him about your feelings for women, and still you may be facing divorce or not acting on your bisexual feelings. Respect your marriage promises or don't be married. I am a lesbian and I am still telling you this. You made a commitment to a human being, and you are obligated to honor your word. Bisexuals can either live monogamous lives or polygamous lives. Like it or not, you can't live in both worlds if you want a LTR. If my wife ever told me she wanted a man, I'd tell her to go for it - because I won't be in her life.
2007-02-04 18:58:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋