what to do?

Question

i have had a miscarrage a few weeks ago but cant talk about it to anyone, not even my hubby. I really want to but i just start to cry and cant never get to talk to him about it. I cant even walk into the room to talk to him it as i start to well up. The courage is just not there. We have two children already and we are close but this has really got to me. I just say im fine, which we women like to say. Please help

Answer 1

You have started off well, by letting us know! I like many readers of these pages can sympathise with you. I have been married twice and have lost a child in each. yes both my wives have had miscarriages, hurt is what you feel at this loss and believe me the father feels this loss. maybe not in the extreme way you feel it, but the feeling of loss and inadequacy is there.
Do your best to talk, it is the best cure. in the cases of both my wives we ended up in tears, but those tears were what we needed. we stood there with our arms around each other and cried. We haven't really got over the lose even now 38 years later in the case of our first lose I still wonder 'what if' the pain has gone but the memory remains'
Look at my 360 and blog site, and write to me, I am old and have a broad back. I am always willing to listen, and you will not get any sermons from me.
Be at peace with yourself and strive to be happy.
Daddy Dave

Answer 2

This is the sort of thing that is going to take time. I can't imagine what you must be feeling as I'm a bloke. If I was your bloke then I would understand that you need to deal with the emotion of the situation and will talk about things if and when you are ready. I am sure your husband is well aware of that already. Maybe you could just tell him that. Tell him you need some time and apologise if it seems you are shutting him out of the situation but you will talk given time. It must be so hard to deal with anything like that. I really feel for you. I would be exactly the same I'm sure so you have no reason to feel bad about it. It's natural I would have thought.

I hope I've helped. I tried. :-)

Answer 3

So sorry this has happened to you. Do you think you could manage to write your feelings down? Your husband knowing how you feel and just realising you simply cannot manage communication at present may find it easier to understand. Thing is he will be really grieving too but if like the majority of men simply cannot show it. I am not saying you go on any medication that would zombify you but could you not bring yourself to visit your local GP or practice nurse? Again knowing you may loose control write down brief one liners that you need to get over to them to help them understand the difficulty you are having coping with your loss. Sincere good wishes.

Answer 4

You should talk to someone: your mother, a friend, a therapist. What you are feeling is normal. You probably can't talk to your husband because you feel like you have let him down. Well it was not your fault. You did not cause your miscarriage. This happened to me 13 years ago. I was so upset and couldn't understand why everyone else wasn't as upset as I was. I had a small doll that I used to represent my lost child. I carried it around for awhile in my purse. I just needed something to show that this child had been something to me. That it would not be forgotten.

Answer 5

This will take time... Talk to someone else you trust, a close friend maybe, then bring it up to him... He'll find out sooner or later, but he should find out from YOU... You can even write him a note saying you have something to tell him, and to meet you in the bedroom.. Sounds cheesy, but it might help you out a lot, to give you time to think of what to say.. Good luck, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take things one day at a time, okay?

Answer 6

Sorry for your loss, don't take this the wrong way but you have to realize that he is hurting too. It was his baby as well. I know men tend to deal with things differently but it doesn't mean they don't feel it. Please don't let this ruin your marriage/family. You need to talk, I'm sure he will be great comfort to you and will have no problem with you crying in front of him. Good luck xxx

Answer 7

Ask him to hold your hands around you and as you start to speak cry on his shoulder. That should make it easier for you. The longer you leave it, the more painful it is for him as well as other complications.

Wish you n ur family luck

Answer 8

you really must try to speak to hubby. he is more than likely feeling the loss as well. you can both get through this if you talk. when i lost mine i thought it was just me hurting untill i spoke to my hubby and he said it was hard for him as well.

Answer 9

He probably already knows that something's wrong. you have to tell him before he begins to think it's something else. you may end up resenting him for not being compassionate enough about something he doesn't know about.

Answer 10

talk to him in bed may be better.