I'm a hispanic women and I recently got engaged to an african american man. I love him but my family has warned me that if I marry him, they will disown me and I will basically be kicked out of the family. I don't know what to do, my parents have given me all the love and support that I needed as a child but know they seemed to care more about their so called "apperance" than my hapiness. Should I get married and lose my family or should I side with my parents and lose the love of my life?
2007-02-04 10:09:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This isn't an easy one Alex - I know coz I've stood where you are standing now. What your family are doing is emotional blackmail - they wouldn't like it if you had told them that they had to choose - either they accept your choice of partner of they lose you are you...
I didn't choose anyone - I told my parents that I wanted both them and my partner in my life and I would not choose - if they they wanted to exclude themselves from my life as a results that was a choice THEY were making not me. Luckily when they realised I wasn't going to back down they gave in and support me fully in everything now. But it was a rough ride until then
BUT - I will say that it is VERY hard to marry someone who is from a different cultural background - most of the time your expectations and the way you are used to living is VERY different and can cause a lot of pressue on your marriage that otherwise would not be there - and trust me marriage has enough problems even without this
SO - be sure that you've thought through all the issues - how you will live day to day - what is and is not acceptable - how you will bring your children up - it is wort discussing these things now rather than coming across them later when you have already committed yourself to each other
Hope that helps in some way - and best of luck - whatever you decide I hope it leads to happiness for all of you!!
2007-02-04 10:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by misscynic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is great but so is the difference between cultures. Your family is not your enemy and I'm sure that they must have considered all the factors involved and you wouldn't have asked a question here if you were too certain about your decision. Look at the marriage as a business and evaluate who brings what on the table. If it acceptable to you on a rational level then go ahead and marry that man but if not then you will lose on both the counts.
2007-02-04 10:19:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love him you should marry him, otherwise you will regret it as long as you live. You never know, maybe your parents will change their minds, but don't let them scare you by threatening to disown you. You are a grown woman you can fall in love and marry whoever you want. Good Night and Good Luck
2007-02-04 10:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by ericaofgordon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never listened to my family when it comes to my love life so in my opinion if you love the man and want to marry him then do so and if your family disowns you then it shows how racist and closed minded they really are.
Live your life the way and with whom you want and forget about what anyone else thinks.
2007-02-04 13:28:27 · answer #4 · answered by n0s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love the man and he loves you and treats you with respect then there is no reason not to marry him...if your parents love you in the end they will accept your decision, don't let their reaction determine yours though. Regardless of what they do, try to act as if everything is normal, even if you are hurt call them, invite them over, share good news with them and eventually they will come around.
2007-02-04 10:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by Forever_Young 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that your parents are being unreasonable. Here, they have this man who found interest in their daughter, who is willing to love her, protect her, provide for her.....all the things they ever wished for their daughter, but yet, they can't see that this man is of the same color blood, but just a different color of skin. He is human like everyone else is.
Your parents have a problem with him because he is of a different color, but they are not willing to see beyond that, which means that they have a problem with themselves. They are prejudice, and I am sorry that you have parents that are that way.
The question is, are you willing to marry him for who he truly is, rather than what your parents think of him? Even though your parents say that they will disown you, I really think that they are saying that, just so you won't marry him. If you are willing to marry him, then do marry him for the right reasons. If he is who you love, then marry him! (smile)
You just need to talk to your parents, be calm and polite to them, let them know that you are not their little girl anymore, that you have grown up to be a young woman and all you want for them is to be happy for you and to support you.....If they don't listen to you, then just tell them that you really love this man and you are willing to do what it takes to be happy with him, with or without you. If they don't listen to you, then you said your peace with them. Now it is up to them to accept your wishes.
This man chose you as his wife, so make it happen! You cannot live with your parents for the rest of your life. It is time for you to move on. The only thing you can do is love and respect your parents. They should also think about your happiness as well.
If you are having doubts because of your parents, then I am sure that you will continue to have these doubts to anyone your parents disagree with you marrying. Don't let them control your life.....or is it too late to say that to you already?
2007-02-04 10:41:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to pick a side and live with it... Whos more important? The potential hubby or your family? (Hint: if you picked the family over me.. i would call the wedding off myself in a heartbeat)
A marriage is by Choice.. family is by chance and whom you get stuck with.. you cant pick family...
But i'll say this much.. a marriage is cheap.. a divorce is expensive...
2007-02-04 10:34:02 · answer #7 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about somewhere in between? Don't marry him until you are absolutely sure that you are ready to give up your family for him. . I doubt that you are ready. Just "postpone" your wedding indefinitely and keep seeing him if you still want him in your life. Don't be pressured.
2007-02-04 10:14:02 · answer #8 · answered by dreamgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do what is bet for you, if he is the man of your dreams get married and don't pass up the opportunity its your happiness not your parents.
2007-02-04 10:17:01 · answer #9 · answered by Denny O 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have doubts, put the marriage on hold, until you sort things out. Good luck, and I'll pray for you.
2007-02-04 10:16:20 · answer #10 · answered by WC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋