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There is no physical abuse. We just argue a lot and can't seem to agree on compromise. He thinks he should get to go out and hang out with his buddies several times a week and is not willing to spend less time with them. He doesn't like doing the things I do, like going for walks with our 1 1/2 year old daughter. He goes and says he's only doing it for me. I am 38 weeks pregnant and he walks really fast and stays ahead of me the whole time because he is in a hurry to "get it overwith," and when I say something, he swears he'll never go again. I just feel like our family time doesn't mean as much to him as his friend time and when I say something about it, he just calls me a bit** and says he's going to go out more because of it? I want our kids to have both of their parents together and supporting one another, but I am starting to think it isn't worth it if he doesn't want to make the effort? Any advice?

2007-02-04 09:41:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

17 answers

no, my children told me they wished I had left when they were little.they are grown now, hindsight is always 20/20.
tried it and it did not work.

2007-02-04 09:47:49 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 2 0

Staying together for the sake of the kids is a bad idea. It builds resentment if you are not being active in trying to make the situation or marriage better. Go to counselling etc. If your other half is unwilling to make changes to improve then it should set off alarm bells that he isnt really committed to you and the family. You cant make someone love you and staying without doing anything to improve would be like flogging a dead horse. A waste of time and energy. Besides, you dont want to force the kids to watch you fight and feel neglected by his imature behaviour. Kids will internalize that and own it. Dont program them to grown up and do the same thing. Either fix it with help, or leave it. A decision needs to be made.

2007-02-04 17:56:01 · answer #2 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0 0

First, he shouldn't be calling you derogatory names. That's emotionally abusive. He also shouldn't hold family time over your head and act as if he's doing you a favor. If it's so tough for him why did he start a family in the first place? He has issues he needs to work out that don't seem to be your fault. I would seek marriage counseling. If he doesn't agree to that then I would get out of the marriage. Good luck.

2007-02-04 17:50:26 · answer #3 · answered by mary 2 · 0 0

I personally would stay for my kids, no couple is perfect, and he or you might just be in a slump because there are going to be alot of changes made soon. People think its so much better to be single, and some cases it might be? But try to do it alone with children......then you'll think back and realize that couples argue and disagree, but its not worth giving up to keep your family!

2007-02-04 20:17:38 · answer #4 · answered by Skinz 3 · 0 0

Maybe try doing something different for family time, ask him what he would like to do. I know my husband and I differ on the things we like to do together as a family, maybe your husband is the same. I would also try counseling, too.

If you try your best and the situation doesn't improve, then you should separate. If you stay your kids will grow up to think that is how relationships are, and you wouldn't want that.

2007-02-04 17:59:37 · answer #5 · answered by Aumatra 4 · 0 0

Keeping the family together for the sake of the kids is a really great goal. It takes two to do this however, See if your husband will go to counseling with you. If he does not, or if counseling does not work, then ask yourself if you and the kids are better off without him.

2007-02-04 17:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

NO... it is not worth it. Later when your kids are older they are just going to see what an awful relationship you are in and stuff. It is better to get out now then to try and stay in the relationship. It will just make matters worse for both you and your children. Never stay with anyone just for the kids. My mother stayed with my father for us kids... he cheated on her all of the time, they argued alot, and he had the "women are meant to be in the kitchen" set of mind. He would want to have dinner on the table at a set time, clean house, all the errands done and she worked too... and still he expected this.. if you want to be happy and you want your kids to be happy.. leave him. He sounds immature if he wants to spend more times with his buddies then with his family. Goodluck

2007-02-04 17:46:51 · answer #7 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 1 1

Do not stay with an abusive person for anyone. Your children will be much better off, being with you alone than being with bickering parents. He has NO right to call you horrible names, something for you to think about....would you want your daughter to be with a man who called her a b****? She wouldn't want it for you either. She would probably really like to have a happy mommy. It sounds like your guy is picking at you so he has a "reason" to go out. Tell him to go, you will be so much better off. Good luck to you.

2007-02-04 17:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I have to ask, "What was the relationship like before you had children?" What happened? I bet your husband is angry at himself and not you. His actions speak of being miserable at something. Find out what it is and see if there's any help. All marriages require compomises in some way. Are you willing to make changes?

2007-02-04 18:11:13 · answer #9 · answered by cyndy g 1 · 0 0

Its worth it to LEAVE for the kids, thats all, because children require hea;thy and happy family settings and an unhappy marriage is NOT going to provide them with what they need!!
Forget stereotyped social institutions--- the children need love and happinesss and and simply "a marriage" is not going to bring them that. They need parents who love and respect each other and are emapthic with one another, sounds to me like your husband is extreemly detached and condescending.
Do you want your children to see that? To learn that?
You know, a man can only love his children as much as he loves his wife... or himself.... and the more you love yourself, and others, the less you could behave in such a way.
SO your children will be NEXT to recieve his coldness and disrespect.
His rear, to the curve!!!!

2007-02-04 17:59:57 · answer #10 · answered by Yentl 4 · 0 0

this sounds vaguely familiar. after 6 years, i left. my child still wants us to get back together, and then i remind him of the arguments his dad and i always had, and he says 'oh yeah. that sucked.'

i would never go back. even though we get along now, i know we'd just start fighting again if we were actually together. it is NOT worth it and it is NOT good for my child.

you'll need to make your own choice, but that was and still is mine.

fwiw, he sounds like a jerk and he sounds like he doesn't want the responsibility of a family. good luck.

2007-02-04 17:47:41 · answer #11 · answered by elly r 4 · 1 0

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