God help me, I have so fallen for this man. It's a new, creative venture for me and I so desperately don't want to lose it, yet all I can think of is him. I know he's taken. I just wish I could switch it off and go back to being professional - I pay him for some help he gives me by the way. We're working on my music. It's so beautiful and I don't want the work to stop but I'm crazy about him. Why have I fallen for him? Why when I found out he's taken? Why when I'm doing something really wonderful for the first time in my life? I fear he will pull the plug. Please help!
2007-02-04 09:19:55 · 23 answers · asked by singingjulietruly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may be experiencing what psychiatrists call transference, but in a slightly different way. Oftentimes someone who is working closely in a creative venture (or learning experience) will have this happen. Students sometimes fall for the teacher because there is a close growth going on. Try to distance yourself from those thoughts! He is possibly experiencing a closeness too, but if he is seasoned he knows better than to act upon it. If it were me and you let me know your feelings, I would pull the plug, because a transient experience is not worth giving up a good relationship on my (his) part.
Good luck. Concentrate on your music!
2007-02-04 09:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by piano guy 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
We can't help who we are attracted to; I think it's chemistry. I once had an affair with a man I worked closely with; the attraction was very slow growing; I knew he was married; I had fallen so hard for him, I didn;t care. Broke all my own rules and everyone else's too.
He made it clear from the start that he was staying married; that he had too much too lose. Yet it went on for a year. In the end, I finished it. I felt if I couldn't have him all, then it wasn't worth the stress to me.
He was devastated.
He pleaded with me to reconsider, but I had made the break and I felt I couldn't go back. He left the job.
no one can tell you how to manage this; but I would suggest trying to have a good social life with lots of interests outside of work. This may sound a bit trite, but I made my recovery from my broken heart by going out to socialise. I met a nice guy who I became friends with first. After a few months, we started seeing each other; it's ten years on and we are still a couple.
I deeply regret the affair with the married man. I was cheated on once, and I know how it feels; I hope his wife never found out, I would not wish it on anyone.
does this man know how you feel?
Has anything happened between you ?
Do you think you would have the courage to throw caution to the winds if he showed signs of wanting a relationship?
What would you do if he asked you out?
The thing is, people who are creating something together often find themselves becoming very close, and sometimes having an affair.
Would you be satisfied with an affair, when you know he belongs to someone?
You sound like you have made your decision already; and are learning to live with the regret of "what might have been".
Or am I mistaken?
I wish you luck.
2007-02-04 19:13:12 · answer #2 · answered by marie m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard for you but a simple solution. You want the man and you want to continue with the creative work you are doing. You can only have one of these things. The man's taken and no indication whatsoever of his relationship wavering. The work is there. Do you want one thing or nothing??? Taking a chance and showing your feelings leaves you most probably with nothing. You've fallen for him known he's taken at this time in your life simply because you can't choose who you fall in love with and at the back of your mind somewhere although you will be in denial forbidden fruit is always the best!!!
2007-02-04 18:52:16 · answer #3 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I sincerely hope he does pull the plug, if you can't! Get some strength woman-where are your morals, principles, your values and your scruples? He is 'taken' for a reason-(he chose some one else)-who are you to interfere with that? Go to some one else and work on your music and leave this man alone, it is not going to work, so YOU pull the plug. There are plenty of single men out there, more than enough to go around-you will have more wonderful beautiful experiences yet i am sure, so don't give up hope...but don't be "the other woman" either.
2007-02-05 03:38:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here we go again, I'm telling you girls/women its hard to remain friends with someone after you try to start or start a relationship with men because if it doesn't work out, the relationship is not separated from the feelings and I don't care how mature you try to be about it, when feelings get hurt it damages the entire relationship, no more friend no more work now you have another enemy. Please do not cross the line with this guy, maybe you are reading too much into his actions. When was the last time you had a relationship and when was the last time you spent quality time with a guy who was nice to you and had decent conversation with you. You have to remember you are paying him so he may be just a little extra nice, but please do not ruin what you have........work is work......
ask yourself this question is it worth risking your work relationship for a guy that is already taken?
Let it go girl.........let it go
2007-02-04 17:50:03 · answer #5 · answered by Pegi 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't exactly choose who you fall for but you have to consider the fact that he has a girlfriend. Imagine yourself in that situation you wouldn't want someone else hitting on your boyfriend. You should keep your relationship professional, it might be hard but it's the best thing to do due to your situation. Continue making beautiful music... it'll give you a great chance to write a song about it. Good luck!
2007-02-04 18:32:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I done exactly the same but i was also with someone at the time (although not at all happy but i'd previously split with my ex and then decided to TRY to make it work, but it just wasn't) So eventually me and this bloke went for a drink, that was 12 1/2 years ago and we've been together since, got married 8 years ago and we have a son together......
Best thing i ever done...
Good Luck
2007-02-04 19:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by talula 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think of what it would say about you if you actually acted on this-all of the character flaws. And if you could act on this what would it say to him especially when you know he is not available? As for your desire for this man, use your creative talent and start writing about your desires, write peoms, write your feelings. Someday when you are alone with yourself, and you flip back through the pages, you and yourself will be able to laugh out load together and say, "Remember when I wanted this guy?" Good luck with your music!
2007-02-04 17:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is he married or engaged to someone else? I think it is best to walk away and not look back... You know he is taken so this is not right... Does he know you have fallen for him? You may need to fine another person to teach you music.
2007-02-04 18:10:44 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my sympathy goes out to you. Unfortunately you know the answer. If your that googa over him youneed to put space between you both. Perhaps a little cruel but your well being is not all that is at stake. You know what the right thing to do is, so quit beating around the bush ....move on..get awy from him
2007-02-04 17:26:34 · answer #10 · answered by letsget_dangerous 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋