My problem is this: I am a good looking, charming, sexy guy. At my age, I already know well what kind of sensation I produce in a woman: attraction (that is a fact; so I don’t pretend being modest here). I have noticed that whenever I come across an above-average looking girl, she usually looks at me, keeps looking at me, starts flirting, even smiles at me. But when I come across an average-looking girl (or slightly below average), she always pretends that I am an inferior being not even worth giving the time of the day. I know about all those theories based on insecurities, lack of self confidence, shyness, etc. But I think there is something else but I cannot completely understand. Does anyone have a clue of why such different behavior among these women out there? I am interested in the opinion of both guys and women. I live in the U.S., so don’t bring up any exotic cultural issues. This is frustrating because I usually fall in love with the average girl, but have no chance with them
2007-02-04 07:11:14 · 30 answers · asked by wizard1968 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
Ach! So where were you when I was young... :-)
I think that many "average-looking and below" girls are very likely to be in a defeatist and defensive mode, especially in these days when looks seem to be so absurdly important. They are used to not being seen, and if they are insecure and vulnerable enough they are likely to anticipate rejection and maybe even ridicule if they show interest in someone. Rejection hurts. So better be on the safe side and reject before being rejected. I think that is the explanation to the reaction that you describe. Don't give up that easily if you really are interested in someone, and don't take it personally. Her wariness is very probably not about you, but about whom she fears that you may turn out to be. Show the girl that you are really interested in her . Many are likely to be more or less unhappy about their surface, so give her a chance to show who she is beneath the surface - ask her about her thoughts, her interests, opinions, family, life in general, etc. And try to boost her feminine self-confidence by complimenting her on whatever actually IS beautiful about her looks - hair, hands, feet, voice, the way she moves, whatever. Of course there are no guarantees that she will fall in love with you, or even like you, but it's a pity if she doesn't even allow herself to find out, so help her along getting her defenses down, and don't be intimidated by her initial response.
2007-02-04 07:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by AskAsk 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Well, there is an old song that says, "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife," and it goes on. the same could be said for men. A lot of so called average women think that a really good looking guy, can get a pretty woman so why is he bothering with her. Also, usually, the better looking the person, the more others look at them and maybe make a play for them. A lot of people seem to think that a "good looking guy, or a beautiful woman" has more of a chance at being a cheat, because they tend to have more people drawn to them.
Look at some couples. An average Joe, may be with a beautiful Kathy. Or a average Karen may be with a really handsome guy. And people look and say, "What the heck does he/she see in him/her?"
Or a really skinny tall person with a short fat one? It all depends on how the person feels inside.
Maybe they think that you have some kind of motive for wanting to be with her. Maybe it may be the way you come across to her. It is so hard to really explain it, because there are just so many different situations and things that go into it.
The more trusting a person is, the more they will except you for who you show them that you are.
If you keep running into the same problem, don't be afraid to ASK the lady what you did, that she does not want to be with you. If you keep getting the SAME answer, then you will know.
maybe it is not even you, but if it is something you do or say, better you should know now and take the time to fix it, then to have the same thing happen over and over. Life is too short to get stuck in a rut.
Hope this helps a little.
2007-02-04 07:39:25 · answer #2 · answered by mom2kats 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think the main problem is the following (pay attention because it is a complex issue): when a woman looks at a guy, she is essentially saying "I want you", "I need you" or "I desire you". Now, wanting, desiring and needing something means that you don't have it in the first place. Not having what you want/need/desire is basically a sign of being a loser (particularly in materialistic societies). Now, a pretty girl is so confident and has such a high self esteem that being a loser momentarily is not an issue. For the average girl, however, that moment means a lot. She prefers not to acknowledge to others and to herself that she needs you. It's like saying to herself "I don't need you because I already have all I want; I am NOT a loser; SEE, SEE, you stupid idiot????". Unattractive/average girls are more sensitive to those psychological subtleties. The pretty girl will just move on. And one more thing: that mental process just described upsets the average girl, so it is not enough for her not to acknowledge you silently; she MUST punish you for puting her in such an uncomfortable situation. That punishment comes in the form of showing you that you are worthless. That is her revenge. Understand?
2007-02-05 10:51:59 · answer #3 · answered by Vanessa S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many things that could be going on here.
You may be good looking and attractive to some women and not to others, just as some women are attractive to you and some aren't. Not everyone views beauty in the same way. Haven't you read any of the studies about attraction? People tend to find others who resemble them attractive. So according to the studies, you think girls who have similar features and facial structures to you are attractive and they will find you attractive. You're not attractive to someone who has different structures and features than you and you'll view them as being average or below average or ugly. Someone else might think those women are drop dead gorgeous. The same thing goes for your personality. You may be charming and sexy to some women and annoying and arrogant to others.
Also, your cocky attitude is most likely a turn off. Who wants a guy who is full of himself? Maybe those good looking girls only care about being with a good looking guy so they'll put up with cocky, annoying, or bad behavior, where the average girls want someone who is kind over looks so she'll pass on you. Have you ever heard someone say they didn't find someone attractive before but the more they got to know them the more attractive they became or they thought a person was beautiful before and as they got to know them the person became uglier and uglier to them? That could be the case here too. Maybe your ********* is being communicated in a subtle way to them and so they immediately lose any attraction they could have had towards you.
It's good to be secure and confident, not egotistical and in love with yourself.
2007-02-04 10:58:00 · answer #4 · answered by Tobias F 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, for one, you don't seem too modest. Heck, maybe all the attractive girls you run into are single and the dumpy ones are taken. I, for one, don't act any different towards good looking or dumpy guys. I'm happily married, so it doesn't really matter. But conceited guys have always been a turn off. I've also heard the theory(among men, so draw your own conclusions) that the pretty girls are assumed to be taken, so ask them out anyway, since everybody assumes their taken, and they're actually single. Interesting enough. My only other theory is maybe you're not as attractive as you think...or you've got a dull personality. Think about it.
2016-03-29 04:46:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well "handsome", do you know something? I am "average" looking woman and have never particularly found handsome men as the way to go above other things. Why? Simply because beauty is skin deep and there is more interesting qualities such as nice personality, humourous, caring and a host of alternative qualities that is more appealing than looks. Just be yourself and maybe forget you were blessed with good looks and see beyond that in your choice of woman.
2007-02-04 11:13:51 · answer #6 · answered by lizard2000 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe other good looking boys have hurt their feelings and they feel you will be the same. Or maybe they think you are empty- headed and a male bimbo and therefore below them.
My husband is a very pretty looking man. Big blue eyes, cupid bow lips, long eyelashes. When I first met him I thought he was too good for me and I was very intimidated. then we started going out I started to feel contempt for him as he was not as intelligent as I thought he should be. Now I am used to him and love him lots.
But men appreciate prettiness in a woman far more than a women like it in a man. Women tend to prefer substance over looks in a man. Thats why male models earn a pittance compared to women. Usually a woman of lower intelligence will bypass the substance in favour of looks.
Sorry for the gross over-generalisation but I am not being mean I am just trying to be be honest and express my opinion. All the best!
2007-02-04 07:22:00 · answer #7 · answered by jupiter 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it is possible you are being judged on the behavior of others. I have meet attractive men who are fine, but also meet far to many whose ego has created personality issues.
It is not fair for people to assume that an attractive man or woman is going to be egotistical or think they can use others or get their own way based on their looks. But to many times this has happened to "average" looking women.
Much of this stereotypical bias starts with highschool clicks. College men and women can at times be to young or imature to realize that they need to out grow this behavior some of the clickish high school bs, can still exist.
So that if you meet someone who is aware of his or her own looks but doesn't seem to base their value as a person on it, they can be overlooked or thought to be just as much as a shallow user, as those who do base a person's worth on looks.
2007-02-04 07:18:38 · answer #8 · answered by nowment 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My guess is they don't think they have a chance with you or they feel they are not good enough compared to you, so they don't acknowledge you or try to flirt with you. Also, they may just not value looks as much as other characteristics.
I'm sure they are not pretending you are inferior, they may just feel uncomfortable, shy or even inferior to you because they are intimidated by your good looks and worry you will be judging them. They may also have been rejected in the past by really good looking guys, so they feel frightened or threatened by your presence.
Please don't take it personally and you should just smile at those girls, as it will give them a real confidence boost and maybe even get you interacting with them.
Take care : )
2007-02-05 08:22:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Interesting. Well you seem pretty hung up on looks, especially your own. Don't you think it's kind of twisted and confusing that you don't give the above average looking girls a chance? Yes of course personality should be the most important thing, but is it possible that your stereotyping the good looking girls in the same way the average looking girls are stereotyping you? If you think about that, I believe it should give you your answer.
2007-02-04 07:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by mj_indigo 5 · 8⤊ 1⤋