I married my husband when he was a broken man, he had just gone through some hard things. I didn't care, because I loved him. I did everything that I could to accomodate him. I basically bend over backwards for him. He was the love of my life, and my daughter loved him too. His family didn't agree with us from the beginning b/c of our different backgrounds. A few months ago, we started to have problems, a big arguement lead to hurtful things that were said, we both hurt eachother with words. I was angry that he had moved away, and basically said for me 2 wait until he makes up his mind. He also said that having a step kid is stressing him out. So we seperated. He even told me to go find someone else. I had never been so heartbroken in my life. After a few weeks of depression and starvation I finally got my butt of the couch. Someone asked me out to dinner. I told my husband bout it and he acted like he didnt care. Soon after I went out, he read my emails and was upset that I did it.
2007-02-04 05:50:50 · 18 answers · asked by Tammy07 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is telling everybody that the marriage is broken apart because I cheated, and thats a lie. He was the 1who left me with nothing, broke, and heartbroken. Whats wrong with trying 2 move on in order to avoid depression ? He said that he wanted to work things out, but GOD told him to read my emails and now he doesnt love me anymore...He is blaming me for everything, and now he is seeing a girl with a kid...so the whole having a step kid was a lie...I will always love him, but was this relationship unhealthy? I tried so hard to hold it together.
2007-02-04 05:54:53 · update #1
leave him he's behaving like a pussy.
honestly he shouldn't have said having a STEPkid was stressing him out. did he came back only when u had a new man in your life?
2007-02-04 05:55:45 · answer #1 · answered by jj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you were the glue holding it together to begin with.You said you bent over backwards to accommodate him from the start.This is probably where all the problems began.He was just coming out of a hard time and you where his comfort when he needed it.Now that he is in better shape(not broken) he doesn't feel the need for you anymore.You also said that his family didn't approve of you because of your different backgrounds.He may have finally realized what they meant and has now changed his mind about you.Sorry to say all this but a marriage can't survive with only one person doing all the work no matter how much you love him.Best advice I can give is let him go and move on.Just remember don't make this mistake again and try to hard to make someone love you.After you move on he may find out that he is the one that made a big mistake.
2007-02-04 14:37:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right. This situation is very unhealthy, not just for you but for your child.
You husband seems to simply want out. He's told you your child stresses him out. He told you to find someone else. And then he refuses to accept responsibility for anything that happened. As difficult as that is, it sounds like you and your daughter are going to be better off without him.
There are so many different issues in this relationship. You are married to a man who can't make up his mind about being with you but still expects you to sit around and wait. There is also the issue of his family.
You have a lot of things going against you. Although your heart is broken, realize that you are hurting for a man that doesn't seem to have a heart. Don't you deserve better than that? Your daughter deserves to be in a loving family, even if that family consists of just the two of you. It's so important for you to remember that you and your husband are setting the example for the type of relationships your daughter will have. Leave this guy, if not for your sake, for hers. Good luck. You will be needing it.
2007-02-04 14:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not too sure what your question is. Are you asking US if YOUR marriage is over? If that's the case you might as well flip a coin.
The heads or tails answer you get will be just as meaning full.
From now on though ...learn from your mistakes. Don't marry anything that's broken. Do the fixing before you do the marrying.
Make sure you share the same desires for the future ...including your daughter.
2007-02-04 14:02:39 · answer #4 · answered by Sam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not sound like a healthy relationship with a healthy man...
Divorce him and move on..
The best way to mend a broken heart is with a new love..
I will say however that going out on a date after no more
than a couple weeks following an angry separation may
have been a bit hasty...
2007-02-04 14:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to work things out in your marriage then go to couples therapy. You're not going to find any answers on Yahoo. Dating is definitely not going to help you. You're married and unavailable for such relationships. Don't complicate somebody else's life with your situation.
Your husband has some issues that he can't work out on his own. He's probably depressed and could use individual sessions with his own therapist. People have to be whole inside before they can function in a healthy relationship.
He's not helping himself by not finding help. You're only aggravating the situation by dating other men. If you're not willing to work on the marriage then get a divorce. Resolve one problem before you start down a new path.
2007-02-04 14:19:14 · answer #6 · answered by IveBeenThere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change him, and you can't make him love you. It sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. His pride is hurt b/c you moved on & he wants you to feel guilty & responsible for the break-up. He sounds a bit narcisstic. You and your daughter don't need that. Remember whatever relationship she sees you in, that's the relationship she will think is "normal". So be sure she sees you in "healthy" relationships. Remember the one who's worth your tears won't make you cry. It's always better to be alone and happy then to be in a dysfuntional relationship that will continue into your daughter's life if someone doesn't break the cycle. Another thing, I'm not sure what happen to your daughter's father, but check yourself & see if you're not choosing your relationships badly. I don't mean to sound mean, what I'm saying is put yourself first and love yourself. Choose healthy relationships and be a strong role model for your daughter. Don't be with someone you wouldn't want your daughter to be with. You may not realize it but she's watching you. Best of luck.
2007-02-04 14:03:45 · answer #7 · answered by 2D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does any of this really matter? Any time a marriage goes to pieces, lots of things are said. What he says, believes, or tells others is up to him. Even if he convinced everybody you know that you were terrible, have hairy toes, and eat raw babies; you know the truth. You probably should just get divorced, and live on your own. Besides, people pay little attention when a spouse tells them a soon to be ex does this or that.
2007-02-04 14:18:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave.
He is trying to manipulate the situation and/or give him an excuse to leave. First he walks. Then You guys separate. Then he says go on and date (like you need his permission now that you are separated). Then when you do, he claims you cheated.
Don't let him get away with it. And you do this by filing for divorce. Don't play his silly little games.
If you don't, I suspect the remainder of your marriage/life will be spent on how you cheated and he took you back. If you really want to prove your fidelity day-in and day-out, stay.
But I'd leave. There are in fact men out there who do not behave like 9 year-olds.
Go find one.
2007-02-04 14:10:02 · answer #9 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, hon, you don't love him --- you love the image of him, and they just aint the same, are they?? Firstly arguing is too bad... because resolving differences without rage, is extremely important in marriage, and neither of you apparently know how to do that if you are calling each other names, and hurting each other with words. The crap that God told him to read your e-mails is a pile of s(h)it he knows it and so do you...
He gave you mixed messages as to what he felt for you -- to go find someone else, then he moves out, then he tells you your child is too much for him then he acts as if he doesn't care, then he is lying to you, then he gave you a mixed message by indicating interest in what you are doing, and saying that he needed to "make up his mind." Oh just great....
Hon, if he doesn't have a girlfriend, and is therefore keeping you as his "Jerk in Reserve", he sure as heck doesn't have his head on straight even now. Assuming he has not betrayed you (unlikely, sorry) ...... Unless the two of you both wish to save your marriage with many months of counseling, and learning to resolve differences without rage, you are in one hopeless relationship..... I rather suspect he has a girlfriend, hon, sorry....
2007-02-04 14:11:29 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl,
Excuses-excuses-and more excuses! That dude is doing what ever he want s to do and wants an excuse to do it.
My ex is the same way.Those are controlling men and you need to get as far away as possible from him as you can.
He will drain you emotionally!
He stepped out on you and now you release that zero and go on girl. Do not think about him no more!
Let her have him. Read the poem:
"Now That’s Love"
I know what love is like:
Truly loving someone is giving them the freedom to love you or not
Truly loving yourself is choosing to be someone who uses that freedom to love you
Yea, now that’s love
June 19, 2006 by Arene
copyrighted
2007-02-04 14:16:26 · answer #11 · answered by Arene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋