My wife and I have no sex life, I mean absolutely none! It is driving me nuts. She has psychological issues and is seeing a psychiatrist. I asked her last night why she does not want to make love to me and she said "I just don't want to". That was all I could get out of her.
Due to finances I cannot just pack up and leave. I recently started a new job and the pay is not great yet.
If I want intamacy and she does not would it be wrong for me to seek it elsewhere? I have NEVER cheated on anyone in my life and prefer not to start now, but I am getting desperate. It is starting to make me depressed. How long should I wait before it would be acceptable, so I would not be viewed as a cheating rat?
This has been going on for about a year and a half.
2007-02-04 05:20:15 · 21 answers · asked by e.sillery 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She is seeing a psychiatrist because I convinced her to. She could see nothing wrong with her attitude.
As far a romancing her, I have tried. We get a babysitter for the night and go out and as soon as we get home she lays down on the couch and goes to sleep. God help me if I wake her up and try something!
Masterbation... that is what has kept me from going insane. But I am tired of it.
Sex is not everything, but it is a large part.
Is she cheating on me? Not sure. She said one time that she considered it while I was in Iraq, because she was lonely, and again after I got home because she was pissed at me. So it is definately a possibility.
2007-02-04 05:52:00 · update #1
It's never ok to cheat, ever.
Cheating means you do not value keeping YOUR promise.
Your promises and vows were about your behavior and not about what she does.
However, I do believe that if she is withholding, and doesn't have a plan to regain her desire, then she is not keeping her vows.
I think it means you have the right to consider divorce.
I don't think you should just start a sexual relationship with someone else, but you should share with her that you are seriously considering divorce if she doesn't address this aspect of herself.
2007-02-04 05:26:05 · answer #1 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just need to get with her a really talk this out let her know how you feel and if things do not change well, then you will have to come to an agreement. i am so not like saying cheat! But have an understanding and (because i do not want to is not an answer).. And that you need answers. and if you feel that it is not working then you need to seek professional help and have faith..never give up! have you've romanced her? i mean like what is her favorite things? things to do places to go? or have you thought of a romantic get way totally surprise her, maybe this could be a good start! hope this helps you. :)
2007-02-04 05:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by RAIN 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your wife is going through SEVERE depression and needs you now more than ever.Depression really takes a toll on a person,especially when it comes to doing things that you once liked to do.Have patience.As for cheating,I'd say that it would be OK after the divorce is final.Remember that you exchanged vows that include for better or worse and let your conscience be your guide.
2007-02-04 05:35:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating is never OK no matter what the circumstances are! when you got married you said before god for better or worse. obviously she has been having a hard time with some serious issues, so be a man and stand by her. and if sex is that important to you, get a divorce so you can be with whoever you want to!
2007-02-04 05:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep your marriage together I suggest you join her in marriage counseling and try to get to the root of the problem. If you aren't willing then I guess the love for her isn't there. I just don't think cheating is ever the right thing to do. If you feel like the marriage is over, you need to talk to her about it and then go from there.
2007-02-04 05:33:47 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make her see how unfair she is being. Are you sure SHE isn't cheating?
Tell her that you will have to divorce her if this continues, because everyone should have the right to a sex life...
Have you tried starting something, and going very slowly until she actually WANTS to have sex?
2007-02-04 05:29:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why do you not try couples therapy?
Or instead of just asking her for sex, take her out to a nice dinner, then come home & give her a massage with some aromatherapy oils..& then lead into it. You have to work your way in, not just ask for sex ^_^ Intimacy can go a long way.
2007-02-04 05:27:31 · answer #7 · answered by Stilettos 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is that seriously ur question? if it is totally wrong. i believe in my vows they read "in sickness and in health till death do us part". cheating is wrong in any situation. if ur waiting to leave till the finances are great then honestly u probably wont be going any where for a while. why dont u try and help her thru her psychological issues. keep reminding her every day the u love her and give her attention. the whole situation probably isnt helping her any.
just remember one important thing......................
CHEATING IS WRONG.
2007-02-04 05:38:12 · answer #8 · answered by mommie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love your wife? If the situation was reversed, would you think it was okay for her to cheat on you? I think you know the answer to this one, you just want someone to justify how you feel. Go to counseling with her and voice your feelings to the counselor. He should be able to help.
2007-02-04 05:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just be up front with your wife and let her know the marriage is over for you. You might as well since you seem to care more about getting laid than your wife getting help. Sounds like you both need counseling.
2007-02-04 05:32:39 · answer #10 · answered by That's my final answer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋