My bf and i have been together 1.5 years.I love him very much and we got engaged this christmas.Since we are both still in college also i am only 20 and he is 23 yrs old we are going to wait to get married till at least a year after we both have graduated.Why does he not want me to tell my parents where he lives?I know he lives in a trailer park with his mom but he is a hard working , smart guy, and he treats me really well.Whenever he is around my parents he cracks his knuckles, plays with his thumbs, and stutters a lot.This also happens when around my friends only with them he will start to curse and look down.Anything i can do to help solve this problem?
2007-02-04 04:25:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I realize my situation is different than his ie. my parents still pay for everything but i dont get why he reacts this way?When i asked him he said he thinks they are judging ?
2007-02-04 04:30:36 · update #1
He is insecure, and shy. I know what that's like. The way you can help is by making him feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. The rest is up to him.
2007-02-04 04:30:05 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Living in a trailer is a stigma in this society. Those people are continuously portrayed as unintellignet, lazy, criminal or some combination of the three. They aren't good enough, smart enough, hard-working enough or whatever to "make it".
I know it. You know it. HE knows it.
I also know - as do you - that it is patently untrue.
Its the unspoken implication. A trailer implies low income, which implies low education which implies stupidity, laziness or worse. Sadly, trailer parks also have statistically higher crime rates. Wrap all this up in a nice neat prepackaged Hollywood portrayal and he - and others - bear the burden.
I don't think he is insecure...more embarrased than anything. He is dating you, from at least middle class with a home and all the trimmings. And he comes from a trailer...and all the stereotypes associated.
Can you imagine some of his thoughts:
"Her parents will think she can do better"
"I cant compare to this"
"How can they accept me...look at where I come from"
"How can I prove my worth (to you, your family and society)"
The way I would approach this is...the direct approach.
I would reaffirm that you love him for him. Not where he is or isn't from. You love him for where he is going and not for where he is or has been. I would specifically tell him that you don't care that lives in a trailer park. Tell him if you did care, you wouldn't be here...you would have left long ago. Tell him your parents like him (providing they do). Tell him your parents are not so primitive to care about where he lives (providing its true).
2007-02-04 05:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend may be intimidated by your parents and friends. Ask yourself if their attitude in some way might be contributing to your boyfriend feeling uncomfortable and nervous.
You've known him for a year and a half, that's not long when you're going to marry him. Does it concern you that you have been asked to start an important relationship in your life with a lie? (i.e. he doesn't want to let your parents know where he lives?)
I've lots of questions such as, do you want to be with a man who can only curse when he's with your friends? How is this person going to fit in with your friends and lifestyle?
You've already solved the problem of making him feel wanted haven't you? You've given him the promise to marry him and spend your whole life with him and you've continued a relationship with him for over a year. Surely he knows you already love him and he is wanted.... by you!
Are you ready for a marriage where you may have to continue to lie to your parents to keep his secrets and a situation where once you're married.... he doesn't want to spend any time with your family or friends? They make him uncomfortable.
Please, do a lot of soul-searching and make sure you trying to figure out all the sides of the relationship before you take things further.
Good luck,
lgirl
2007-02-04 05:36:19 · answer #3 · answered by librarygirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is nervous that they will disapprove of him. I used to feel this way around my husbands family. But they have always been nice to me. Even when I mess everything up. He will get over it. It just takes time and alot of understanding from you part.
2007-02-04 04:41:15 · answer #4 · answered by Christina H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think of you're extra disenchanted approximately your brother than your chum, i be attentive to I definitely have brothers too. alongside with your chum, you rather cant exchange their regulations. Therfor till your chum makes a attempt you cant exchange what they choose. All you're able to do is pray. i will inform you adore your brother.
2016-09-28 10:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just that-hes nervous. he thinks he has to impress you family. he probably doesnt know how to act around them because of his feelings. The thing with your friends is weird though, I would ask him about it.
2007-02-04 04:50:02 · answer #6 · answered by cherokee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure he probably thinks he isn't good enough for you. That he can't support you etc.
2007-02-04 05:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be shy and reserved... talk to him and see why he feels this way... How old are you anyways?
2007-02-04 04:30:29 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋