should i be worried?

Question

we just got a computer and my husband got a web cam for it. should i be worried that hell be tempted to go to sites he shouldnt or talk to girls he knows he shouldnt? weve been married 13 yrs now and he always says i can trust him but he never tells me stuff i allways find out things on my own, cause he forgot to tell me or etc.im afraid he will start cheating over the internet. am i crazy for thinking this? or should i just trust him?

Answer 1

I always go on the side of trust unless I have evidence to believe otherwise. Of course, in this day and age it is so easy to use the internet for affairs, with or without the webcam. If something happens that makes you feel suspicious, you should confront him.

Answer 2

You don't say if he's given you reasons NOT to trust him in the past, but either way, no, you're not crazy for this thought crossing your mind. I think it might be a good idea to talk to him and tell him your fears. One of the worst things either partner can do to a marriage is NOT communicate. What will end up happening most of the time is that the more you "chew on" the problem, the bigger it will get. Your imagination will be like fertilizer for it. His using a web cam is not necessarily a "ticket" for cheating. Sometimes it's just much nicer to be able to see the person you're chatting with. If he's not a "cheater" already, the web cam won't make him one. Do let me say that just talking to female people doesn't constitute cheating. Doesn't he talk to female people at work, at get togethers, etc etc? You know him better than anybody else does, and you are the one who knows whether he's prone to give in to temptation or not. The temptations will always be there, it's not limited to the internet by any means. Trust your own feelings first of all. But DO talk to him so you won't be stewing over something that might never happen.

Answer 3

Your marriage certainly does have some real issues with "trust," and is desperate for a resolution. If it's at all possible, you both need to have a serious discussion (even if your husband doesn't feel he needs to discuss, anything), where you both can speak to one another with all honesty & respect, in regard to your fears and doubts, with an open mind to work together @ regaining trust, without it becoming a battlefield or contest. You both must understand, that we don't always like hearing (pride) where we've failed or made mistakes, let alone that it's hurt someone. Communication and achieving solutions that will secure trust, would be a great place to start. I would even go so far as arranging to see a counselor (if husband is not willing, then go yourself), since "trust" is the hardest to regain, but vital for a healthy relationship to survive.

I hope you have a restored peace of mind and a heart full of trust, in the near future!

Answer 4

Trust is a big thing in any relationship. He has never broken your trust in your 13 years you shouldn't have anything to worry about now. I know what you mean about finding stuff, keep in mind though he might not have thought it was worth telling you about or just forgot. If he SHOWS signs of lying, cheating, playing around ect. Then thats another story. Best of luck to you! Why not enjoy the web cam together?

Answer 5

You have grounds to be worried if he is the type of man who keeps things from you. The web cam shouldn't be as much of a concern as it is used more for showing than for receiving. You could have a computer savvy friend of yours install software to keep track of the sites he goes to, or look at the history. Also check your credit card should he visits pay for sites.
My suggestion is that you talk to your husband about what is acceptable and unacceptable web behavior.
If you are afraid of the web cam, return it to the store or grease it with petroleum jelly.

Answer 6

Don't jump to conclusions. A web cam will not make him cheat on you. If he gives you a reason not to trust him, get rid of the webcam. Monitor the websites he's visited, that'll give you an idea of what he does on the internet. Good Luck. (And if he even thinks about cheating on you, DUMP HIM!!!)

Answer 7

he he he... Yes, he got that web cam for that reason, to talk to other females...........but what are you gonna do?

You can't watch him 24/7. He can easily talk to another woman just by going to the store for milk and a loaf of bread. By the time he makes it back home, he got his thrills. Don't keep being so suspicious of him, learn to trust.

Go on the computer with him, use the webcam with him and talk to relatives etc..

Jealousy etc.. will do more damage to your marriage than a webcam.

Answer 8

People use web cams to talk to friends and relatives. So i would say if you are worried keep an eye on it. But you should trust him until he gives you a good reason not to.

Answer 9

Trust him at first. I don't think jumping the gun and already making him a suspect is good. I wouldn't want my significant other to always walk around questioning me. If the things he "forgets" to tell you are important (I spent time with your best friend, I lost my job) then you would have reason to be worried. If the things he forgets to tell you are small (I paid the electric bill today, I put gas in the car), then take a deep breath and relax. I just wouldn't think it would be a healthy relationship if you were always suspecting him.

Answer 10

I would be concerned if it were me as i would wonder why he felt the need to buy or have one... These are usually used to watch each other sexually but i could be wrong. I feel that if your husband gets this he will cheat online with it... you are not crazy at all... be honest with him about how you are feeling and ask him nicely not to buy one. If he insists and does not listen to you then you know he is thinking of possibly cheating on you... Leave if he cheats on you with that webcam. Sounds like trouble to me!