How to cope with grief?and stop this depression?

Question

Me and my husband started trying for a baby in june and found out in july i was pregnant im 20 and thought pretty healthy we had a short but lovely pregnancy it was brill being pregnant we were both so happy but at my first scan nothing showed it was ectopic and i had same day surgery to remove it it hadnt ruptured and the docs say everything looked fine and i should think of myself as normal there was no reason infections etc...But its been 6 months now i have lived in hell since we had to wait 3 months to try again by the time we had the all clear my husband had gone in the army for 5 months its been alwful waiting i will wait untill may now and i feel itll never happen for us it was too good to be true i dread mothers day as that was my due day its hard to say howi feel i still buy little baby things in a way its my way of grieving my husband doesent mention it he just says well try again when im back but i feel ill never have one or if i do ill lose it i pine everyday to be pregnan

Answer 1

I am very sorry for your loss, Kedi. It is a major loss no matter how far along you were in your pregnancy, because the moment you found out that you were pregnant, you loved the baby who was going to come. I bet you and your husband visualized what life was going to be like with the baby, and how excited and happy you would be when you meet him/her. So don't let anyone tell you that, "oh, it was so early, why do you feel so sad?", or "it's your body telling you it wasn't right", or "you're young, you have time" etc etc. I know these comments won't help with the pain, but know that you are not alone in what you went through and the loss and the urgency you feel right now.

I'm sorry that you are going through this alone. Having your husband gone away for so long must be tough, especially during this time. It is very normal that you have all these fears of not being able to have one or that you may lose another baby later. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself right now. If you find that you can't deal with events like other's babyshowers etc., then don't go, for example. Give yourself the time and space you need to heal. What will help a lot is to talk and share your feelings with other moms who have gone through similar loss. Try the Babycenter.com's bulletin board, under "grief and loss". You will see many groups of parents dealing with similar issues. Also, look for your local pregnancy grief and loss support groups (many hospitals have them). They will help you during this grieving process. If you find that you are unable to deal with your depression, definitely speak to your doctor and look into getting more help (talk therapy and/or medication if necessary).

You are not alone. Hang in there! I hope this helps.

Answer 2

I am so sorry! I lost 4 babies to miscarriage between my first and second children. It was devastating, and I am a bit older than you so I had the biological clock ticking away, making me think I would have an 'only child'. I didn't.
Although I am pretty confident it WILL happen for you, what others have said is important: you are suffering from depression AND anxiety. You can get some positive help, and I suggest that you do so. It will not help hearing all the things you may have heard so far (like "You will have a baby eventually"). ALthough this is true, it will help you to find someone who can really listen to your pain and help you get through it. I suggest cognitive-behavioral therapy to help you develop a new outlook to life in general, and deal with this problem in particular.

Answer 3

First of all, I am sorry for your loss. But please listen to what I have to say. You may be suffering from depression....and that is not just a bad mood, but an illness. Get medical treatment. This would include therapy and possibly medication. It sounds like this has a focused event, so the treatment may not even be long term. But you cannot do this alone. You would not try and treat any major disease on your own and depression is no different. Things will get better, dear. I can promise that, You take and first step and get some help.

Answer 4

awe, *hugs*. we've all been there. How previous are you? it is not proper what your age is rather, i'm only curious. besides, If he stated he does not such as you lower back, he probable meant it. :( i'm sorry, unrequited emotions are the worst! yet don't be depressed! You 2 only are not suited for another. i be attentive to you have already been informed issues like "there are an outstanding sort of fish interior the sea", even nevertheless that's quite genuine. regrettably, you cant MAKE somebody sense a undeniable way. in basic terms time can mend your coronary heart, yet at some point you will not even remember why you enjoyed him interior the 1st place! interior the interim, party alongside with your gal pals or watch a movie alongside with your mom, sister, or somebody who will pay attention to you. It facilitates to in basic terms vent specifically circumstances and attempt to have fun with the time with the folk who LOVE YOU! in case you opt to be on my own, you are able to examine or perhaps write your techniques in a mag. that's a super thank you again to words with issues that make you unhappy. i'm hoping this facilitates girlie :)

Answer 5

Oh, I am so sorry...but you will have another one...and you will not forget the one you lost, but your baby is with the angels now and I know that when your husband gets back, you will try and you will succeed this time...Maybe for some reason, it just wasn't meant to be at this time...but don't worry, you will get that way again...on mothers day, just say a prayer to God through Jesus,..to thank them for the chance to try again.

Answer 6

I am sorry for your loss
You cope with grief by going through it, my partner committed suicide three years ago, and our children were taken as I am Bi-polar. I sobbed for 2 years, and I am still in therapy and on medication. My partner carried out children and she had two miscarriages. BUT things are better - I get out of the house, I meet with people. Life does go on. It just takes time. The pain never goes away, but it gets more distant (less sharp).
I hope you are more successful the next time

Answer 7

You need professional counselling to cope with not only the loss of your baby, but the events leading up to this and the post natal symptoms you are displaying. You have, in your mind, lost your child, even though it was in effect a foetus. The absence of your spouse means your primary attachment is missing from your life and you are attaching to the dead baby. Everyone needs a secure attachment to allow themselves to be themselves, yours is missing.

Answer 8

Read this webpage about you and being happier. Top Psychologists have practical advice.

http://www.phifoundation.org/happiness.html

Answer 9

go to a councillor