He says he wants to try . he wont leave . he helps in other ways. we love each other. have a family together but no ambition for himself or others low self esteem.no goals at 27!! Is it just a waist of my time. can any one really change for the better? how long should it take? what signs should i look for to know that he is turning around, and what can I do in the meantime???
2007-02-04 02:03:05 · 10 answers · asked by Mona 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes they sure can if they want and choose to... It is all about choices and we can choose to change and better ourselves or not. Seek marriage counseling and see if he will go with you since he wants to try and work on the marriage. Why does he feel the way he does and has such a low self esteem... He may need counseling and help too. This will take time BUT you as his wife need to love him where he is at and do all you can to try and help and make the situation better for you and for your husband. He may also be depressed or really stressed out... Have him seek medical attention too and they may also put him on medication. You need to be a wife and support and help him with this. Be there for him and dont give up!
http://www.drphil.com
http://www.marriagetoday.org
2007-02-04 02:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
27 is still very young. My husband is 40 and I just in the last 2 years have seen an improvement. But yes mine has changed in several different areas. If you love him and are willing to stick with it as he grows up. which can take years then some things should change. It took me throwing my husbands clothes out on the front porch along with everything he owned and didn't let him back for 2 weeks to show him that I would not have a man that went to the bar everyday after work. I told him that some men may do that but not my man. he never has since then. 27 is still so young. He should have goals and dreams. Does he have a job? You didn't really say what the exact problems are so its kind of hard to help.
2007-02-04 02:21:33 · answer #2 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people do change. He sounds as if he may need some therapy. He could have a really depressed mental state or bi polar disorder of some level. He should have goals at this age. Perhaps he should see a counselor or psychiatrist to find out.
Sometimes all it takes is a bit of counseling and a medication to get people up out of the dumps and motivated.
2007-02-04 02:20:15 · answer #3 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely.... People CAN and DO change... every day... but they can't be coaxed into it... they can't be threatened into it... offered up ultimatums...
Change... real life altering wholesale... "I'm going to be better from now on" type of personal epiphanies. Only come from within.
The hardest part of loving someone who is "dysfunctional" in one way shape or form is watching them... watching them slip, slide and stumble through their lives.... Absolutely the "problem" may be obvious and apparent to anyone from the outside... but internally... people can be pretty delusional about the actual control they have over themselves.
It can take a lifetime... the best thing YOU can do... is to start getting educated... If you are in it for the long haul... start with counselling for yourself... find out if you really want to help... or if there's something lacking in your life that his dependency fills... once you are clear on your motives for sticking around... then you should be better equipped to help him...
Just waiting is JUST that... nothing happens when your waiting... take action and start NOW... You have a sense that things could be better... so open the door step outside and START!!!
2007-02-04 02:20:36 · answer #4 · answered by alex b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dump him
you should NEVER hook up with any guy with low self esteem
that shows in effect YOU have low self esteem
to say we love each other is to say "i cannot get any better at the moment so i'll settle for you"
and you know you can get better
the problem with being with a loser is that they tend to drag those around them down to their level
you're only now seeing it and that's why it's irritating you
the fact that you had a family to gether in a sense is what girls usally do to men, have a child to "trap" the guy.. but in this case it's done in reverse
children are best served a happily family enviroment
this means even if you leave him and you must go it alone so as long as your happy it's much better for the child, so do not use that as an excuse to stay with him
he will not change long term as he is set in a pattern and if he did change you would have seen it by now once he had the child
as that's usally a main motivator for any guy lacking any sort of ambition
as for him not leaving
you do not mention if you to are renting, if he is on a lease
when the lease comes up, move, child and all and do not let him move in with you
you definitely lack a backbone if you do not have the vocal and mental / emotional authority to tell him to leave.. i hate to say this but you must reach inside and be a real b i t c h to get him to move out ..
either that or make rigid demand and penalties ( cut him off 100% sexually for example ) to get him to get his rear in action
if in the end you have realize you have hitched your life with a loser, then do what you must to leave, shut off all contact with him and find another well motivated guy who likes you and your child
they are out there
2007-02-04 02:19:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A relationship without at least similar goals NEVER work. How can you walk together if you are going for two different destinations? If you are the highly motivated one, what can he do to help you achieve your goals? I think what you really want is a guy who is as motivated and goal oriented as you are. This is not the guy.
2007-02-04 02:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by jax0817 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people can change for the better but, It sounds like he has other problems that run very deep. Depression and anxiety are what you sound like your dealing with and these are very hard to deal with let alone over some.
2007-02-04 02:19:38 · answer #7 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maximum in all probability it relatively is on your head. She became into attempting to hit the the superb option nerve for the duration of a combat and it appears that evidently like she succeeded. i might brush it off as an indignant remark she did no longer propose.
2016-10-01 10:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people can change for the better, but they have to really want to change and then commit to the process, and it's no fun at all--smile.
That's why many people don't change unless change is force upon them.
2007-02-04 02:17:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think he will ever have anything....if hes 27....and has no career.....people who change have to want to change.....sadly in his case ...the patterns set
2007-02-04 02:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋