We often hear married couples claiming to stay together "for the kids"...when their marriage hits the rocks but is there not an arguement to say the kids would have more financial and emotional support from two sets of mums and dads ? What do you think ?
2007-02-04 01:48:07 · 25 answers · asked by John M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I stayed together unhappily with my husvband until my 3 kids were teenagers. They were very upset when my husband left and they havent really seen had much emotional support from him though he pays their maintenance. My son has definatelty suffered as he is the youngest and was 14 at the time but my daughters seem to be fine. I think if you can make your marriage work it is a lot better for the kids but if you cant then they have to deal with it. It also depends on their parents a lot.
My daughter is now 24 and feels that she doesnt have a real "home" any more when she comes back from her travels as my ex lives with his girlfriend and her 2 kids and my new husband and I live in our house but she misses her childhood home.
2007-02-04 20:52:46 · answer #1 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no doubt that divorce affects children, but sometimes "staying married for the sake of the kids" can be far worse.
As far as "two sets of mums and dads" goes . . . everyone who gets divorced doesn't run out to find another "parent" for their child (nor should they). Some parents take the time they need to work through the "issues" that caused their breakup in the first place.
Often these parents put their child's welfare above their own. They take whatever time is needed to make sure their children have a stable homelife "before" they start dating.
Every situation is different so I don't think you can give a "blanket" answer to this question. If two people have tried their best to make their marriage work, and they no longer feel they can remain "married", I don't think divorce has to be devastating.
As far as the "emotional support" goes, if the children's welfare comes "first", and they are assured that they have two parents who love them and will be there for them, I think the negative effects of a divorce can be managed.
Far too often people who are involved in a divorce start to "use" their children as a means to "get back at the other spouse". That's like "putting an arrow" in your child's heart everytime you do something that keeps their other parent away from them.
As far as the"financial" support goes, that can only be determined by each individual situation. Some people were financially "better off" before they divorced but it isn't a reason to remain "married". Others are better off financially "after" their divorce.
I think if two people no longer love and respect each other, they shouldn't be "married". It doesn't mean that either of them is a "bad" person. If they truly love their children and put their welfare above their own, divorce doesn't have to "destroy" everyone's lives.
2007-02-04 02:37:59 · answer #2 · answered by Mugsy's Place 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not in the best interest of the kids to stay together. Even if you don't argue all the time kids can tell when something is wrong. The parents should get divorced for the kids sake. If you split up just don't degrade the other person when the kids are around. You can't really rely on the 2 sets of parents. As the kids may not accept the odd one out in both the homes. It will take a good while for the kids to get to know the other partners.
2007-02-04 02:21:05 · answer #3 · answered by oldokie1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the kids suffer more on all levels...
The parents think staying together will be beneficial for the kids... this is not true, it often does more damage than good.
As far as money's concerned, it possibly would be beneficial for the child if he/she has 2 families who are financially stable, in that money will be provided.
As far as emotional support goes, the answer is it depends... but mostly, no. The child normally 'dislikes' the new step-parent for breaking up the family, so emotional support is out of the question. But some kids really take to the step-parents, and can consider them as emotional support. But more often than not, money beomes a problem once couples are divorced, and child support is needed, and the majority of the time, emotional support is not offered by 'step-parents' because of either animosity between them and the children, or because "its not my child, so why should i worry".
But it depends on the family in question.
2007-02-04 02:00:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anfieldgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have seen the most damage done on my first two children from divorcing my first wife. Actually she divorced me but I got the kids. However, she turned evil and the kids saw just how ruthless and absurd a parent can be. Both are having extreme difficulties even though I'm still there for them. My other two have been a blessing! I had the idea of leaving my second when she flirted with the idea of cheating. She didn't do it, but the trust was gone. I stayed with the knowledge I wasn't going to let these kids get screwed up. Oddly enough my wife and I are closer than I would have ever dreamed, and I will never love anyone else as much ever! The kids are great! Make my life a heaven on earth! Don't divorce! It definitely clobbers the kids Psyche!
2007-02-04 01:57:25 · answer #5 · answered by delux_version 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that kids suffer more than the adults would like to think. When the family try an stay together for the 'kids' and i quote, they act as if we as the younger generation doesn't know what is going on. We're not as out the circle as the parents want to think.We're quite in , on everything that is going on. When a family is having problems the kids are most likely to know before both set of parents know there self. So yes I think that kids suffer when a family is being tron apart and the kids have to sit there and wait for there family as they know it to be over , and can't say anything or do anything , than that is more than suffering. That is tourer. That is all I have to say on that topic. I hope that I helped.
2007-02-04 02:24:31 · answer #6 · answered by honey.. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, they suffer. Any adult who thinks they can con their kids into believing they are happy in their marraige when they arent is short of a brain cell or two. As a child me and my brother wished our folks would split, the rows, silences, they just never seemed happy. You talk to kids these days, if they know the relationship isnt working between their parents, most of them will be devestated about one of the parents leaving, then there are the odd few who come home from school and tell you how cool it will be 2 lots of Birthday and Christmas presents!!!
If it doesnt work, it doesnt work Get out, be responsible by showing your children support and love, keep the communicaton going and all should be well.
2007-02-04 06:11:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that most of the time people who marry should stay together at least until there youngest is eighteen. Unless the marriage is abusive; Otherwise you need to take your medicine you have taken for yourself. They're the most important (children) and if you don't think so just ask a friend about someone who grew up without a mother or a father to help out because one of the parents left. That's my opinion!
2007-02-04 02:53:48 · answer #8 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's always better to divorce
kids see the unhappyness and later take those life lessons thinking that is how all relationships are formed
they later in life have extreme issues with intimacy and later end up cheating, lying what not exactly as their parents did
ideally you end up in amicable divorce, but that's rare as the divorce usally has raw emotions from one or both sides and then the poisioning of the kids minds sets in on both sides, becuase people marry far too young when they do divorce there are many issues never fully attended to much less settled on and thus all those come out in the divorce.. which is why people are so petty now a days when it comes to divorce, the sad fact is that you chances of getting a divorce are 85% higher if you end up marrying somemone who comes from a divorced family verse someone who comes from a rare tight knit family, the reason is simple, those who come a from a good fmaily have been taught good core family values and genrally are not selfish, those who don't , don't
so ideally even before you marry you must look at your possible mate and weight the odds as it IS a strike against them as should always be viewed as such
it is probally the main reason for the 1st time in US history marriage is on the decline and people who are single or living together outnumber those who are married
the reality has now beginning to set in to that you can have pretty everything in a marriage ( save for some legal rights ) with none of the financial set backs if it does not work out save for child support.
2007-02-04 02:28:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
When parents split up they must be honest with the children, and say its not the children fault because the child always thinks was it anything to do with me, many people mis -judge the child and what they can take on board, and try to let the father see the child when possible don't argue round the child. and tell them you love them all times when possible, send a birthday card or Christmas card where ever you are its just a link if you live miles apart and lets the child know you are thinking of them I have been through this experience and luckily i found my father 8 years later
2007-02-05 04:07:53 · answer #10 · answered by patricia p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋