how do i get over husband cheating w/ coworker?

Question

my husband and i work in the same factory but at 2 differents ends, he is a group leader and about 8 months ago i found out he was having an affair with a married woman that is at his end of the factory...i am having a hard time getting over this as they still have to work together...she has been doing things like joining every committee at work that he is on...and acting like she doesnt kow what she is doing so he will have to help her (as he is the group leader) to make matters worse my husbands sister is her best friend and also works there and she and i do not get along so i am always worried what she is saying to him and if they are all working together..my husband says he made his choice and wants to be with me..we have been married for almost 18 yrs now and have 3 kids which my oldest 17 yrs was right smack in the middle as the woman also has a teen daughter so it was all over the school and everything..I need to know how to get over this

I have also recently receivedemail telling me the affair is still going on but the person wont give me details and wont even tell me who they are...my husband is trying hard to find out who it is and has also sent the person back emails telling them go ahead and tell her what you think you know...could this be just someone mad at him? Or could it be HER?

i should also add that he has been warned at work about this conduct as it is not acceptable of a person in a leader role but she doesnt seem to beable to leave it alone

i know i keep adding more details but i believe i should add there arent many jobs around us i would say pay, benefits wise and with only a 2 minute drive to work and the fact my husband has been there 11 yrs we have been looking but theres just nothing without driving 1 hr 1 way..and changing hours would not work as she keeps following him..she got offered a job where her hubby works and after going to interview and other steps turned it down then she kept putting in for jobs on other shifts but turning them down and i was told she is ding this just to get at me my husband is afraid to say anything to her as he is afraid of her going to the office in revenge

we did go to a couple sessions and i should also add beforenthis all came out we did fight alot and when i found out we did plan to divorce but after a couple days of cooling down we decided to work on our marriage..surprisingly we fight alot less now...he says he is sorry that he hurt me but he thinks it brought us closer together what should i think of this?

her husband found out the same night i did and guess what she got a new vehicle 2 weeks later..i have already been warned at work that i need to hold my temper as she went to the supervisor complaining about me calling her...my husband was warned cuz he is in a leader positin but she has been playijng the victim cuz someone told her husband

Answer 1

Move to Michigan (if you're not already there) The Michigan Court of Appeals, ruling in November, said an obscure but unambiguous state law makes any "sexual penetration" a serious sexual assault if it occurs during any other felony, including simple adultery, with a maximum penalty of life in prison. Yay!

Answer 2

Wow. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I don't understnad how he can say he's made his choice and it's you if he was cheating on you in the first place. I wouldn't be able to stay, but you guys have been together for a really long time. At the point that it was at your child's school, it was no longer just between the adults. You should have a family meeting about it and also consider some family counseling if you want it to work, and maybe both of you getting new jobs away from the homewrecker if that's possible. Good luck.

Answer 3

It is really hard to get past the devastation of your spouse having an affair. Even if he is sincere, and is not still cheating, the trust his affair has taken away, will have to be be rebuilt...and this can take some time. However, I know this sounds kind of strange to a lot of people, but men are so visual, and sometimes they don't think of the full impact of what their acts may bring to someone they love. This happened to me, and I do believe men when they say "it didn't mean anything, I love you." Men can separate love & sex much easier than women. Love is with the heart, mind, & soul, whereas Sex is a physical activity. Women roll it all into one. Although, it hurts us to believe he could be with another sexually, putting it into this perspective helped me. I wasn't ready to give up everything for a sleazy women, and in the end he wasn't either. I remember arguing with him, and bringing it up all the time...and then one day he said "how, can I forget about this and move forward, if you keep reminding me!" And it was true, so I tried very hard not to throw it in his face every chance I got. That was 23 yrs ago, and we're still together, and happy.

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you, I am sorry you are going through this. Since you say it's hard to find another job and you guys plan on staying there, then there is one thing your husband HAS to do. He has to cut all ties and communication with this woman and stick to it. You guys have to agree on this as a clear rule, otherwise you will never be able to work on the trust issues you guys have now. Regardless of you two fighting before all of this, that does not give him the right to fool around. That woman sounds like a spoiled skank. Make sure your husband is truly sorry and go to marriage counseling with him asap. It's not worth throwing your marriage away over one affair since you guys have been together so long. I know many people will disagree with this comment, but we are all entitled to make mistakes and learn from it. If he ever does it again though, you leave him for good. Like the saying goes, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

Answer 5

Do not get over this!!!!!!!!
This is wrong!!!!!!!
I understand why you have choosen to stay together because of your kids and all the time invested in this thing, but cheating is wrong and you need to heal before forgiveing your ol man...

You may also want to think about getting another job if it is possible or better yet have yor husband look for a new one, haveing all of you at the same place is just gonna cause more drama....

And lastly if you really have decided to stay together and work this out I would really advise you to get counceling, you need to concentrate on healing....
I am so sorry this happened to you and I really do hope that everything works out for the best!

Answer 6

It could be her and i doubt you will be able to get over it because it will never go away and will always be in your mind, Your husband should have never had an affair outside the marriage especially with someone that he works with, because they both could be fired for that if it is pushed up through the company as he being a team leader, how long has he been with this company? maybe he should look for another job so he won't destroy his marriage if he doesn't want to leave..If it was my husband i would have packed my bags my kids and left.

Answer 7

Your husband has created this horrible mess for you. And I think he needs to either go to his boss and be honest and ask for her to be transfered to another part of the plant. He is the one that got in this mess and he needs to find the solution. I don't know how you can see her everyday and she still has the nerve to try and talk to him and be "helpless" to get his attention. i would be waiting for her after work and i would stomp the sh-t out of her and tell her if you hear one more word or get one more email that you will do it again. I would spread it around the entire plant and town to watch your husbands that there is a homewrecker who chases married men. And say her name. She is lucky it wan't my husband that bi--h would not be able to go to work for awile when I got finished with her.And for your husband, i don't think I would really want him. If he is still seeing her then he is a lop and I would kick his a-- too. Sorry I know I sound crazy but that makes me so mad when i hear about people that do this kind of stuff. Don't you be embarrased one bit . They are the ones that should be hiding their faces. My husband says to divorce him that if he could direspect you and your kids after 18 years that he is not worth having. He said you should go tell the main boss and tell him that they have made it uncomfortable for you at work and something needs to be done. You are the innocent one. And he said to make sure that you tell her husband. Please post again and let me know what these 2 losers get for this. I feel for you. queenfairy1.

Answer 8

Seek marriage counseling and help.... Try to work on the marriage and get past this... This will take time but it seems like your husband is sorry and wants you and the marriage. Your husband may need to switch jobs or even work different hours then that woman does. He needs to do this to save the marriage or you will always be hurting and doubtful and your marriage will fall apart.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 9

He obviously doesn't care that you've been together for 18 years why should you?
This probably isn't the first time he's been with someone else at the factory, since he's been warned before. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! Show your children that you respect yourself, and leave

Answer 10

this is a hard one to answer as yous have been married almost 18 years and have older children. my only suggestion is to ask him to transfer to another dept. and seek counceling together to find out why and how this happened. if he's not opened to either of these, i can only say that even though your heart is broken right now, you have to think what is best for you and your children. even though he said he wants to be with you and your children, how do you know that he's not just telling you this to keep you and her? just something to keep in mind.