How do I convince him that this is a bad idea?

Question

My husband's best friend is on drugs (confirmed by wife, sister and uncle) and has been for some time. He has managed to lose his wife, three children, a car (which he rented out), his career and isolated his family.

I understand that people go through rough times in life and need help, but I am a little uncomfortable with the idea of him living with us. My husband has not been around him in years and really does not know what type of person he has become. He offered to let him stay with us a year ago and he declined the offer. Now, suddenly after his family turned their backs on him (actually, his uncle brought up rehab and he disappeared for months), he calls and invites himself. My husband did not discuss it with me, he simply agreed.

My husband was supposed to start working nights, but has changed his mind because his friend is moving in. He says that he is afraid for my safety. I told him that if he is worried about my safety, his friend does not need to live with us.

Answer 1

Just be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel and that you do not feel this is a good or safe idea.... Have him try to get his friend into a drug rehab center. This will be th best way to help his friend and not enable him. Since your husband is afraid for your safety he needs to think twice before letting this guy stay with you... If the guy comes and your husband does not care how you feel then leave and go where it is safe to stay until the guy leaves. He needs to put you and your safety and marriage above the guy and what he wants... His marriage should come first! Go to http://www.drphil.com and email them and tell them your story and see what advice they may have for you.

Answer 2

If he does stay with you.
Your husband and you need to tell him the rules right up front.
No calls after a certain time.
Doors will be locked at a certain time.
No people in your home unless your husband is their.
No letting him borrow the car.
He must put in an application at lease once a week.
Give him a time limit to get on his feet and stick to it.
Their is allot of rules that the 2 of you should discus & decide before he arrives, the ones above are just examples.
Do try to help him get out of the drugs as much as you can. Remember when he 1st gets their you will be talking to the drugs not him. He will tell you what he thinks you want to hear & do just the oppisite, he will also agree to anything just to have a place to go.
Good Luck it will be a long ride.

Answer 3

The best answer is in your question. If your husband is worried then why does he still live there.? I happen to know because I did drugs in my past , years ago. And People get wierd sex fantasys and something will eventually happen. If you have kids then he should go "yesterday". When someone is offered help to get off the drugs and they run from that its because they want to still use. Some people even get to the point that they will steal from you in order to get the drugs if they have no money. I had a close friend many years ago that I gave a place to stay, I felt sorry for her. She told me she wanted my help to get off the drugs. So she during that time ate my food, smoked my cigg. lived for free and then had nerve to steal a wedding ring set that my mother had given to me. And she took my car once without asking to go get the drug. BAD IDEA......HE NEEDS TO GO.

Answer 4

Ma am, I gonna say this like it is....DO NOT LET THAT DRUG ADDICT MOVE INTO YOUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really have to question the motives of a husband that will choose a drug head over his own family. His obligation is to you and your kids (if you have any). There is a reason why his own family won't help him now.

I just re-read the question. Let me get this straight, your husband is so concern about your safety around this guy that he won't leave you alone at night with the bum, BUT he is willing to let the guy move in??????? Incredible!!!!!!!!!

I think someone else in your house needs to be drug tested.

Answer 5

if his family has turned their backs that should show u they have tried to help and it didn't work. your husband doesn't have the right to make that decision without first asking u. if he is worried about your safety he has no reason to bring this man into your home. i would tall my husband that if this man moves in that u are moving out, he has no right to subject u to this person and his ways. than leave him don't allow him to disrespect u like this, and not give u a say in how u are going to live. u are opening yourself up for alot of problems, bad people in your life, maybe stealing to support a drug use, if he refused to go to rehab, than he is not interested in changing himself, drug addiction takes over the whole person, causes them to do things that hurt others. why deliberately bring misery into your home? u will have to leave if he allows this man into your life, knowing he can't be trusted. your husbands first responsibility is to u, his priority should not be this man. everyone else has thrown this man out, because he has probably made everyones life miserable, now he is coming to do the same to yours.

Answer 6

If they don't want to listen then I wouldn't try to convince them anymore. Im sure if he's a virgin he won't know how to properly put a condom on, so chances are she could get pregnant and have to learn the hard way. OR maybe once they start having sex she will decide not to because it will hurt BADD

Answer 7

FIrst thing first. I believe a couple should decide on something as important as this before going ahead with it. Talk to your husband and explain to him all the problems accociated with his friend moving in with you. I have a similiar situation and have put my foot down on the issue. Since then he has realized that it was a bad idea to even suggest it.

Answer 8

i'd tell your husband, if the friend moves in, you and the children will move out the children's safety needs to come before all else. and mean it. If that doesn't convince him nothing will and you should be gone, very gone.

Answer 9

I agree w you - if this guy is unsafe he shouldnt be in your house!
I dont know what you could say to your husband he seems to know all the facts and is still allowing the guy in. You might have to stand up to your husband on this one and tell him no way is this guy moving in.

Answer 10

You can be very convincing. Just tell you and if you have kids that you are going to stay with a family of best friend if they agree til this is rectified.