we have these friends that are always trying to make plans without really asking us and just assuming that we will be around for their entertainment. My husband won't say anything, and I've flipped out on them before. The latest situation, we were out of town and they came to town for a class. We never really made prior plans and we were visiting family. They got themselves a hotel room, as I said we had no where to put them (no bed, they had pets, can't have pets here, etc...) Anyway, they called us everyday wondering where we were, when family matters took up our time and we weren't coming back yet. They also asked us to drive 130 miles round trip to pick up something they needed that cost alot of money, when they had said they'd order it earlier that week. Now that we are home - they wanted to come over last night I just said we were just too tired to see anyone. Now they are inviting themselves over this afternoon, don't really want them here long...help?!
2007-02-04 01:31:31 · 8 answers · asked by daff73 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The trick is to set limits nicely - especially beforehand. As soon as you hear that they are going to be around, say 'Hey, we're kind of crazy busy, but we'd love to see you and get together. Can we plan a couple of times now, so that we can definitely keep time available in our schedule?'. Then plan maybe two times to see them while they are in town. If they demand more time than that or call at the last minute, just apologize profusely and say that you can't because you already have obligations. If they call, you can screen your calls and then call back and again, apologize. You will be seeing them twice (hint- at least one of those times away from your home, so that you have control of when you come and leave - and don't have them come home with you afterwards).
Making round-trips for them to fetch things is up to you - if you don't want to do it, find a reason to apologize and gracefully say that you would love to help them, but you just can't.
Not having them stay with you was a good move. Keep that one up.
If you find yourself becoming irritated, it is not a sign that they are becoming more overbearing - it is probably a sign that you are becoming lax about setting boundaries and keeping them (nicely of course).
Again - you don't have to be discourteous in any way in order to maintain good boundaries - you just have to say what you can and cannot do and stick by what you say. Its a good skill to have and use, so look at this is a positive way, that it is forcing you and your spouse to develop good boundary skills.
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2007-02-04 01:44:13 · answer #1 · answered by cyclgrrl 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Instead of flipping out on them, have you tried sitting them down and asking them why they constantly do this? Why they insist on treading on your lives without asking first? Why they assume that you will be there at their ever beck and call? If they can't answser that or if they won't work on it, you need to put your foot down and tell them that if it happens again, that you all won't be able to remain friends. Say, sorry and not be mean about it, but you all have lives too that can't always revolve around your friends. Otherwise, they are going to keep doing it. It may hurt their feelings and/or you may never see them again, but it's something that needs to be done. Good luck.
2007-02-04 01:38:02 · answer #2 · answered by Groovy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say something like "I'm sorry that you didn't check with us before you came into town, but we already have other plans". "Please call us the next time you plan to be here and maybe we can get together for lunch".
As to asking you to drive 130 miles to pick up something, you are just going to have to say "No, we're not comfortable with that. I hope you're able to make other arrangements". If they persist, just be a broken record and keep repeating that. Good luck to you.
2007-02-04 01:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by leahcutie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(1) You wear the pants for awhile.
(2) Use a skillet on hubby's head.
(3) Put youe foot down.
(4) And tell the other couple you
will no longer be their doormat!!
2007-02-04 02:27:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you may need to just tell them. Or you could email them the link to this question. Some folks are just incapable of taking a hint. Would that be insensitive? No more insensitive than their constant interference in your life.
2007-02-04 01:42:38 · answer #5 · answered by AK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your husband isn't man enough you do it. When you talk to them just tell them that do they know that they are been overbearing and sometimes it catches you in a awkwaed situation and don't want to tell them off. So the best thing to do is talk to them and if they don't stop doing it just tell them off. And tell your husband if he doesn't know how to use his pair to call me and I'll let him borrow mine. Bt want o chat more just IM oe e-mail me anytime.
2007-02-04 01:39:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them it is the only way but be polite. If that doesn't work cut them off.
2007-02-04 01:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by cute_devine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your doors locked, don't answer the door. These people can't take no for an answer. Take care.
2007-02-04 01:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋