He buys me great presents...but it means nothing because he buys them for many people, and he has plenty of money..he could buy anything and never miss the money...he says he loves me {we are married}...but I don't feel it. He never seems interested in anything I do or say...unless it is something BAD that he can taunt me with, ne never has givin me compliments...about anything ...twice since we met when we were early twenties now were early fiftys....I got so fed up with his complaining ive got a second home i run to when he begins to make me miserable ...when i tell him i cant go on like this ...and that im unhappy ...he says well it must be your own fault because IM HAPPY.....what I have finnally come to realize is ..he only cares for himself and no matter what i do no matter how good I do ...I am never ever going to get approval or even credit from him ever..isaid all this tohisface..he knows how he is hurting me.
2007-02-04 00:57:31 · 13 answers · asked by LIFE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A narcissistic person can only show a certain amount of love.
2007-02-04 01:02:49 · answer #1 · answered by T Time 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The man must be a shy creature or should I say a very shy creature, but not shy enough it seems to keep him from taunting you! You have to give him to understand that it takes two happy persons to make a happy marriage. I believe that he takes you for granted as I also believe that he is having an affair on the side, too many nice gifts are a sign of guilt most of the time. Check up the affair angle.
2007-02-04 01:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by markos m 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Different people have different ways of expressing their love. Some people are able to show it very well, while some people cannot.
In your case, I think your husband does not know what love is. He has his own definition of love. Usually, different people have different definitions of love. Your husband seems to have a definition that many men do.
Women, on the other hand, are able to express it better. They judge love through the smallest things of everyday life. More emotional they are, while men do not like being tied in very emotional and strong relationships. They prefer following their own way in love. When women start complaining too much about the insecureness in love they feel, and want more attention, and want to be heard and understood, men will just nod and say "Yea, okay, whatever" or give answers that make women feel worse. Men many times say things that make women think that the fault is in theirs, and no matter what they do, they find no improvement at all.
Your case seems to be just like that. I'll say this. Although not easy, but your life will definitely improve! You have to try ways to make yourself happy. Your husband may not be able to do the smallest things that make you feel he loves you.
You should treat him the way he treats you. Love him the way he loves you. Follow his definition of love. Do not do the smallest things for him in which your love is observable. You'll have to put a stone to your heart, I know, but trust me, it's worth it. When men don't change, we, as women, need to. We need to talk to them in the language the understand. They do not understand the language of emotions.
All that he has been doing to you, he feels it normal, and is happy with it, because you have been expressing your love well. Your not happy because he hasn't been expressing it. He probably thinks your crazy nagging about useless things, but you know what? He has to feel how you are feeling. Then only, will he realize better.
Also, I suggest you to keep yourself more busy with other things. In you're working, you will probably be busy, but if you are not. Then, try doing something that you feel happy with. Happiness cannot be bought by the presents your husband buys you, especially since he has a lot of money. You have done a lot for him. All you have to do now is: Speak to him in his own language to make him understand how it feels and also, keep yourself busy with things you like doing and which makes you feel happy.
You have done a lot for him, and now, it's time to make yourself feel happy. All the best!!! I hope your relationship gets stronger!
Well, just in case you feel that you have tried what I have said and didn't find any difference, then I suggest you to go to a marriage counsellor. After all, what use is the money your husband has? At least a marriage counsellor will be able to settle disputes between you.
2007-02-04 01:22:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happiness is inside of each person, someone else can't make you happy. It sounds like each of you communicates and needs love in a different way. A good book for you is the Five Love Languages. That way, you can understand how he gives and receives love, and the same for you.
Another good resources is the website below. It's great to help couples get along better.
I'd also recommend that you go to a marriage counselor, with him or without him is he doesn't want to go. You want to find a good one that can help your relationship. Good luck!
2007-02-04 01:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I agree with the 'narciccist' prognosis: a narciccist can be quite charming and is constantly fishing for compliments, but the gifting of presents may be a way of doing that. You need to provide more information.
Do yourself a favor and lookup "Personality Disorder' using google, and start reading about the various personality disorders... because if you are in a relationship with somebody who has one for a long time, then there's a good chance you have one too.
For example, Narcissistic/Dependency personality disorders and Narcissistic/Borederline personality disorders are typical pairings.
I say this because you have a second home you run to, but tellin him to his face was good (assertive,you have to be assertive--not aggressive or passive-aggressive--if you are going to work though this, and he needs to learn to express his needs as well.).
See, here's the part that bothers me. He says he's happy, but he complains according to you, so he says he's happy, but he doesn't act happy. But the gifts may be his way of trying to communicate favor and happiness. If he is happy, he needs to learn to communicate happiness.
Gee, I think I used to be this man.
2007-02-04 01:29:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes this is possible but rare.... Some men however have a hard time showing how they feel... They do it more in what they do like supporting you and things like that. What makes you think he only cares for himself? Has he told you this? I feel that he loves you and at least he tells you he does... You both may need marriage counseling here.Why dont you start complimenting him and showing him how much you love him and who knows maybe someday he will learn by your example and show you this in return.
2007-02-04 01:25:10 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is with a man that is similar to this... He does love her.. by showing it in different way's she knows but he is not the one to say Hey! I love you.. Or compliment her by any means. I think that you know if your husband loves you or not. It's a matter of knowing the truth and whether or not your willing to deal with it when you do. Maybe he just doesn't know what he has. MOst men dont and by the time they do realize it's just too late to fix it. Good Luck.
2007-02-04 01:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by harv_Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(Even though I am a young teen, I am great for helping adults. ) In my opioion, if a man TRULY loves you ,he should be able to show it . Love is a very deep 2 person relationship , a time where you feel that this person is your bestfriend... a shoulder to lean on and so. If you feel like its a questionable debate if he should show it or not u really should not be married.You can still go out but untill you feel he shows you he loves you... than you can get remarried hopefully.
2007-02-04 01:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by nasia4eva 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he from another culture? I have noticed a lot of men from other cultures are not too vocal about expressing love with the "I love you's" and the "you mean the world to me", etc........... but they do show it big time with presents and by taking care you financially.
2007-02-04 01:57:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he can't make u happy u have to be happy within yourself. could it be the change of life? often making us feel things that aren't so. u should be thankful for the life u do have most men don't give alot of compliments, u seek his approval to validate yourself, for your self worth, but self worth comes from within, not from the outside. would he be willing to go to therapy?
2007-02-04 01:10:57 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋