getting a woman to leave me and my baby alone...?

Question

i am apart of a mothers group, i joined a few weeks ago. im only 17 but that dosent make me a bad mother. everyone knows that, and respects me for what i am doing. i take care of my son by myself all day, my husband works. anyways, one woman at the group is always treating me like im an idoit. she gives me rediclous advice, like "dont let him play with the bottle, or he will never learn to feed himself", or "dont hold him on your hip or his hips will grow outward". i just ignore it and go on doing it to show her i am not listening to her.
well, we were at a family bbq yesterday adn my son was cranky because he is teething. of course it seems impossible to get him qites, and plus he was tired. well she came right up to me and took him out of my arms while i was saying, "its okay, i can handle it, please stop". she just stared up with what im doing wrong and what she does to fix the problem. nobody has EVER taken my son out of my arms and i felt helpless.

because, i was in a huge group of people and i didnt want everyone to be upset with me, i know she was only trying to ghelp, but i didnt like what she didi. what can i do?

it IS a meetup group.

Answer 1

Let her know the truth in a nice way, explane to her that you understand that she is trying to help but let her know that u have it under control, let her know that she hurts your felings and it feels like she is treating u like an idoit. LET her know that u apreachiate what she is trying to do, but u would really like her to back off and let u be the mother. It's nature we know what is right for our own children. IF U LET HER GET TOO INVOLDED ONE DAY SHE MAY GET UPSET WITH U AND FEEL THAT SHE CAN CONTROL U MAKE UP SOME STORY AND CALL CPS ON U. It's best that u take control now, because ur baby will get confussed if u teach him/her one thing and she teaches him the oppesit. You are the mom not her no matter if u are 17 now that u have a child u are an adult an only u truly know what is right for ur baby,
I had my baby when i was 16 it was hard but I feel that everything happens for a reason God gave me my son and I have did everything in ny power too protect and guid him in the right direction so he can have a great future, now he is 10 and I am 26 I feel we have the greatest bond in the world because in a way we grow up together and we learnt together I know it sounds crazy but I love the fact that I had him at such a young age because he comes to me any time he feels like talking and about any thing he needs advice for, A lot of other moms that are way older don't have that connection because they are very narrow minded and only believe in one way ,the old fashion way, now life is different your baby needs to grow up know about life the way it is now. well, I wish u well and just be strong!

Answer 2

i understand the fact that u luv ur son, and u really wana b there for him like any mother.
best thing i think u can do is talk to her, say let me learn how to take care of him coz u aint my mum to be there for me all my life. i know ur trying to help, but i only ned help if i want it.and your not helpin in a friendly but rude way. i dnt snatch ur child off u do i?
please, i rather not talk to u.
stay away from her. y dnt u leave the group?
she must be nice, but i think shes alittle back ward and must nbe older thats why shes sayin al that to u. i think you should consider the advice coz prhaps shes more experrienced...

and, no 17yeasr old does not make u a bad mther. u sound good since youre oncerend bou your son, and your MARRIED and not out of wedlock livng on benefits (no ofense to anyone) coz this can give u a hard tough life. anyway, avoid her and perhaps u shld let him hold the bottle like u do, it will show him how to hold it, hes learning.

im nearly 19, and i want a baby with my fiancee(but due to my religion- islam i cant yet and keep any sexual relations!aw..but i cant wait!lol), so no u aint a bad mother at all. and dont doubt yourself for it especially if your coping fine.

anyway..sorry if my answer was long.. tkcr of yourself,husband and the baby like u do! byeee!

Answer 3

That is SO rude. I'm sure she means well in her own obnoxious way but there is no excuse for grabbing your son.

I can think of a few options that might help. You could leave that group and find a different one. Check www.meetups.com, your church/synagogue if you belong to one, or ask your son's doctor for more groups your area. You could tell whomever is in charge of the group what happened and ask that person to speak to this woman. You can also have a conversation with the woman and tell her that while you appreciate (yes, choke it down) her advice, this is your child and you are fully capable of taking care of him. Tell her you prefer to receive your advice from his pediatrician who is more qualified as he knows your son's complete health history. Make sure you tell her that if she ever grabs your son out of your hands like she did at the BBQ, you will report her to the police. If you do have a conversation with her, it would probably be better to have it without your son there so she isn't tempted to touch him or is distracted by him. Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all, please ignore the anger management problem guy that feels like he can puch people if he doesn't like what they say. You are the child's mother, and you have to raise your child the way you think is best. If you aren't the kind of person that handles confrontation, maybe you can get your husband to help. I'm certainly not saying that anyone needs to be rude, but that woman does need to know that she cannot take your child from your arms. Teething babies are fussy, always have been, always will be. If your husband is around when this happens, maybe he could take the baby back and tell her that you have it under control. She probably is trying to help, and maybe she doesn't realize she's being obnoxious.

Answer 5

Wow, you poor thing!! This woman needs to be told where her boundaries are.... I'm afraid that you have to be that person! Where does she get off thinking she know better than you...? You need to firmly and politely tell her that her actions where uncalled for and that you do not appreciate being undermined by her. She may be older, but there is no rule to say she is wiser... Don't let this woman power trip you any longer, this is your baby, and no-body knows you baby better than you, so next time you find her sticking her nose in things you just tell her to back off...

You are a new mum, this is a learning time for you and your baby, how are you going to learn your baby's emotions if she comes along thinking she knows better....

Grrrr!! I hate people like that!!

Keep your chin up! Your doing a great job, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

Answer 6

This woman really needs to get a life, let her know she is not your MOTHER, and she really needs to back off. Have a talk with the group leader, and let them know what she is doing. She may be breaking the rules, after all it is a group thing, and she is there for what reason? Unless she is the LEADER, tell her to back off!You had your child, and you are trying your best to learn how to handle the stress, the emotions, and taking care of baby, tell this woman NO!

Answer 7

I would have taken my child back, set my child in a safe area and knocked that woman the f--- out.

True story. When my daughter was about 2 years old. She was with me at Wal-mart. I took her there to buy her a toy. I was passing the tool section when a tool caught my eye. My daughter was in the squealing phase and I would act surprised when she did it and she would giggle really hard. The third time she did it guy on the other isle mutters "Oh, Jesus Christ!" I immediately get irritated. I hear some kids over there with him and try to placate my self by telling myself that his kids were probably the reason he said it. I was on the tool isle at the very end near the main cross isle when the guy comes around the end of the isle at the same time that my daughter lets loose another high pierced squeal. The guy quickly pushes his cart around the end of the isle and demands to know "Can't you keep that child quiet." I didn't hesitate or even think about it. I punched that man right in the face. He was too surprised and embarrassed to report it and left the store.

I didn't hesitate because I am that childs father and that childs protector and the childs role model. Never let anyone interfere with your parenting. You are the one the child has to look up too. Be strong and DON'T be passive about it. You should have taken your child back. Looked the woman square in the eye gritted your teeth and told her. I appreciate the fact that you seem to know your way around children and that you are probably better at it than me, but you ever touch my child without my permission and I'll knock your *** on the ground.

Don't ever back down where your kid is concerned. You that childs protector. Be strong so your child will be strong by example.

Answer 8

I think every new mom has someone in their life that thinks that THEY are the one who will teach you how to become a better mother. Of course they are trying to be helpful, but it can be the most annoying thing in the world!! Take the advice you think will help you and ignore the others. Your response was great when she touched your baby. If she becomes unbearable, have someone you trust in the group speak to her.
I have been going thru the same thing! Good luck.

Answer 9

yes you need to tell this person to back off,this to me is very annoying.Maybe she thinks because you're a young mother that you dont know what you're doing.You need to tell her to mind her own business and you know how to raise your child.AND TWO, DONT EVER LET HER TAKE YOUR CHILD OUT OF YOUR ARMS AGAIN. If that was me ,she be on the damn floor.You should steer clear of that woman cause its sounding kind of scary.A group for new mothers and there is someone in it thats like that ...maybe its not the best thing .

Answer 10

I would pull her aside and tell her, "I know I'm young ,but I am a MOTHER and I know what is best for my baby. You often make comments about the way I raise my child, and I wanted to let you know that I don't like it." Don't be mean, just firm. If she says "I was just trying to help" just tell her you appreciate it but you would prefer for her to just keep the comments to herself. This would make me angry too, but she sounds manipulative so if you are snappy she will try to make you out to be the bad guy. Just tell her as nicely as you possibly can.