2007-02-04 00:23:39 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Men AND Women really need to learn how
to Love each other, and then daily put it
into practice.
What really is Love ? Pls. take a few minutes
to read the information below, if successful relationships are important to you.
What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them ?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other persons welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfull our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggertes others' good qualitities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love ? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.
But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.
Desiring to be with the people alot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.
Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestamates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear one's and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearences, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds watn to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, many magnificient qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generousity, concentration and wisdom.'
'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pasifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definately have successful friendships and personal relationships with others !! These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others, and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.
2007-02-04 05:07:15 · answer #1 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like you say Unconditional Love just is. Perhaps some would think it was less than it is; but I would agree with you. Usually we just aspire to the true reality that unconditional Love is. Eventually we will let the illusion go; Illusion cannot exist without our participation. When we refer to God's Love we are referring as you say to that which is neither with-held or given. Surely unconditional means no conditions; nothing to get confused about. Focusing on what unconditional Love means would/is a beneficial practise probably:))
2016-03-29 04:18:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only person who knows Unconditional Love DIED for all of us on this earth.
When people realize this then and only then will there be Unconditional Love.
Humans have no clue as to what love is.
Example: Women marry for Love, Men marry out of Lust and have no clue as to what Love is.
Women are born they do not have to learn what Love is because they are born with it.
Men in 95% of the cases never become Men. They are taught to be boys and stay boys.
Boys are not taught how to become men for American Society does not allow that!
So as for Unconditional Love... Learn about Jesus Christ.
If your a non believer read his story. Read what he did for you then maybe one will learn What Unconditional Love really is.
Good luck
2007-02-05 08:57:25 · answer #3 · answered by Fred S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unconditional love is exactly this:
God's love for us.
Has no limits nor conditions, will never be revoked no matter what we do or say.
A person can give it to another and the recipient can be sure that they will never be left alone or unsupported in any situation.
You will never hear the words,"if you look at another woman I won't love you any more."
...or "if you belch in public, I'll hate you forever."
There are no conditions on the staying power of unconditional love.
If you hear anyone say, "I am outside God's love"...that is incorrect....if you hear someone say:"God hates me"..."God did that awful thing to them"...it is just so much rubbish!
It is a choice to love someone unconditionally, but if you want to emulate the divine...or realize your oneness with God
it's a choice you'll make down the line.
2007-02-04 02:58:04 · answer #4 · answered by EpicPoem Lily 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The conditionality of love is to give, so unconditional love would be not to receive.
The Q. would be: Can you give without receiving?
I don't think this is possible for us. There's always something in it for us; even if it is the pleasure of giving, but we always receive something out of it. Nothing wrong with this though; for there's nothing we can do about it.
That's how we were made and that's how we know there's a Giver. For there must be a giver first and the rest is history.
2007-02-04 02:24:03 · answer #5 · answered by Alex 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unconditional Love is..
hard to accomplish.
means you care for that person no matter what
2007-02-04 00:27:28 · answer #6 · answered by downs1229 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Unconditional love is experienced whenever someone loves somebody despite all his/her imperfections. That's why it's called unconditional, you don't need something to be there in order to love him/her.
2007-02-04 00:33:19 · answer #7 · answered by koala_beng 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is unconditional when you Love that person no matter what might happen or what they do. You love that person no matter how bad or good they are
2007-02-04 03:18:41 · answer #8 · answered by flower_from_the_heavens 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is rare to find examples of unconditional love; we all are inherently selfish to the core. Unconditional love is best defined and demonstrated by the gift of God's son, Jesus. "He loved us before we loved Him...He loved us while we were still enemies!" By coming to Him in faith and nothing else, He unconditionally gives us peace with God and eternal life...now that is unconditional love!
2007-02-04 00:42:23 · answer #9 · answered by lll6874 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
From within, we are established firmly as a loving person, with love as a quality of being, irrespective of response, recognition etc...
Trees bear fruit out of its own nature, whether a human being is there to nourish it or not... if situation permits, it yields more or just its best... intrinsic nature.. unconditional .
Like wise, human beings capable of unconditional love , would get noticed only if situation permits, and the love manifests, else it remains deep within !
2007-02-04 01:21:45 · answer #10 · answered by Spiritualseeker 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Something that has ceased 2 exist. Not even a mother's love is unconditional.
2007-02-04 03:51:00 · answer #11 · answered by ayan 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋