Struggling to adapt to peers and new social class following grad. from college in may. Please help?

Question

I am a 22 yr old male graduating from college in May with my BA in Psych. I am planning to get my PHD as well. My problem is that I have issues identifying with my peers. They are almost all high upper middle class and above. I am from a middle class family (my parents both have good jobs, but we just get by) and I have issues identifying with others because of the fact I have never been to a country club, only on a real vacation once (We were an army family until my real dad walked out when I was 9),never went to a private prep school, always worked 50hrs a week since I was 16, and while I do fit in well as far as getting along, I am worried about when I get out of school about how to adjust to my new social class. I have went to school and busted my a.s.s. for all of this, but it seems really complicated and cloudy to me. What can I do? I am going to be making in the $90,000/yr range and I am not sure how to make the quickest and smoothest adaptation to this new world.What you think?

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're feeling that you are having trouble identifying with your peers. You shouldn't worry too much about the differences in your past. You have nothing to be ashamed of and in fact you have much to be proud of. Your accomplishments are terrific thus far... keep it going.

In terms of fitting/blending in -- meaning, simply feeling more comfortable without "selling out" -- you could start by shopping at a men's store where someone could advise you re: the types of clothes to purchase/wear to your first job. Don't overdo, just get enough to feel good about what you're wearing and how you look. Be friendly and approachable, and ask people questions about themselves (ie at the new job.) You know from your courses that people like to talk about themselves. It doesn't mean you have to tell them your whole life story, either.

Find at least a couple of people with whom you can develop a closer friendship. As you wish, over time, share more about your life/background with them. If they're good friends they'll be impressed with what you've done vs. "looking down on you." Hopefully you and these new friends can share some experiences that will be new to you (ie taking a vacation together, etc.)

Good luck with your job, the PHD, etc. Don't forget your family as you embark on this new phase in your life. Though it wasn't always perfect, I'm sure, your family has everything to do with who you are now. And you're really well on your way to making something very special out of your life.

Answer 2

It sounds like some serious snobbery is going on. Be true to yourself and you find folks will come to you as they admire honesty. Easy said I know, fitting in is difficult and it does make the experince of studying far more enjoyable, but really do you want to be as small minded as some of these people? Life doesnt have to evolve around your work life, I am sure you have a network of friend who like you for who you are, is there really any need to change!