photos uploaded and looking for 'discreet' relationship, 'one on one' etc.
He acts like we are fine, we live together (9 years). I found his password and 'handle' written down. He must have forgotten to hide it. Now I find myself searching his cell phone calls and looking at the Internet history. I do not know what to think. To top it off, he has accused me of screwing around when I have been 100% faithful from day 1! What do you think? Also, we live as we are married, share finances, food, hs is mine and mine is his, no questions.
2007-02-03 21:36:10 · 18 answers · asked by Adrian 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should add, we have a 4 year old together too.
2007-02-03 22:02:52 · update #1
I have seen this several times with friends and even family. It seems that many men just do it out of curiosity and to see if they are still considered attractive to other women, maybe mid-life crisis type scenario for them. I know a man who would NEVER cheat on his mate, however he was doing the same thing. Why did he leave out his PWord for you to find? Maybe he is trying to make you jealous! I still think this is wrong, no matter. I would feel like I was being cheated on and I would monitor him closer too, ie: cell phone calls, where is he going?
2007-02-03 22:20:18 · answer #1 · answered by Mt ~^^~~^^~ 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You have been together for nine years and have a four year old. You aren't married. You don't explain the reason behind this. If you can get to his profile, change the pictures and wording. The next time he logs in, he'll freak out. You need to make the commitment to get the commitment. Also, are you spending all your time with the child and none with him? If you look at his cell phone calls, what did you see? He may be just curious as to what is out there, nothing more.
2007-02-04 00:43:09 · answer #2 · answered by kielbasa7 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex did the same thing. He asked me to check his email one day, not realizing he didn't delete "new messages from ___" was still in his inbox.
He denyed it, as we were on the phone. But I gave the evidence and was extremly strong firm tone about it. He finally fessed up saying he got "fed up" and needed to "see" but felt it was "wrong" and didn't do it again. Swore he never met anyone nor did anything.
I ended it right then and there though.
That was going on for a while and I felt it was disrespectful to the relationship and myself.
It was another form of cheating I believe.
If he is doing this for a long time, having private intimate relationship with these females and even meeting them, then obviously you have to do what is best for you and your 4 year old.
You two might be having some problems and he isn't making you aware of some or he has, but feels you ignore them (which is what caused my sister's husband to justify his affair).
I suggest counseling and to closely monitor and bring it up to once you have the evidence.
After 9 years of playing house and parenting to a 4 year old, you two are not married. That is a major red flag.
If he has accused you of messing around, either he is trying to offsit his own gult or there has been rocky situations in the relationship and this is how he is "coping" by going out of "reality". (Grass is not always greener on the other side though).
2007-02-03 22:40:40 · answer #3 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I feel for you really. I've been there and am now going through a divorce. You guys are not married!! He is cheating already or obviously has a strong desire to!! You stay because your are afraid to admit the truth and feel the pain that would result in a break up. Or you are just not sure. I think you are sure. Women are very keen, but we also lie to ourselves. Never leave your home if you dont have to. When he gets home from work, have all, and I mean all of his things packed and send him on his merry way.
This will hurt but your self worth and what you're teaching your daughter is far more important.
Ask yourself too, what man would shack up for 9yrs. with a woman he loves and wants to be committed to?
It's so disrespectful to be with a man who wont commit and for you to allow this.
2007-02-04 03:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by lisa m 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay did you check the contact history of his profile? Has he had any hits? winks? etc. I have the suspicion that he's tiring of the sexual part of the relationship and wants some new type of activity instead of the same ol same ol.
Instead of confronting him about the personal ad, i'd start making some immediate changes by taking better care of yourself, spice up the love making, get wild and adventurous with it, and bring back some excitement in this area.
My neice was having this problem with her husband, and i just flat out told her to make some changes in these area's and bring back some excitement in the bedroom. She is really conservative and only does sex in one position over 16 years of marriage.
She has made these changes and her husband has given up the girlfriends and ravishes her almost nightly. Hopefully he won't stray again.
2007-02-04 00:15:22 · answer #5 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
Make sure he is really cheating physically. My husband had several (over 1) ads out there and was inviting women to our marital bed.....our marriage is over. I'd still try to save it at this point...
Once men begin 'virtual cheating' the next step is to actually physically cheat. Phone calls, meetings, the 'discreet' one on one he requested.
I wish you so very much luck with your situation. If he's really doing all of this, 9 times out of 10 the relationship is over. I am sorry.
Good luck and take care!
2007-02-04 01:40:58 · answer #6 · answered by Smiling Belle 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would confront him with what you found. Trust me...this is going to lead somewhere bad. I had an ex who did the very same thing to me. First he said it was just curiosity. But I caught him again. Then he said he was just chatting. I didn't let it go the second time. I found out he had been doing a lot of chatting behind my back. He never got a chance to cheat, because I left him first. Best decision I ever made. I am now engaged to a great guy who I can trust completely.
2007-02-03 22:03:22 · answer #7 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you are living together for 9 years like a married couple but not married. That is the first red flag besides finding his secret activities online, girlfriend. Probably it is your time to think about ending this relationship with a suspicious person.
2007-02-03 21:45:08 · answer #8 · answered by purplemollies 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
If he really loved you he would be willing to commit to you. Playing around on dating sites isn't being faithful. Why have you been letting this jerk take the best you've got without giving you the security that a married woman gets. You are doing your part but he's not. His is yours? If he died tomorrow who would take care of you? Has he made arrangements to make sure you'd be alright if he was gone? Are you on his health insurance? You deserve to really be taken care of quit playing house and find a real man whos willing to treat you like queen and truly take care of you. This guy is just getting the milk for free and now he wants cake too.
2007-02-03 22:01:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
If I were you I would start taking care of myself by putting at least 1/2 the finances in your name. When it comes down, he will likely try to screw you out of your money. Good luck.
2007-02-04 00:20:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋