...he's not a happy drinker or 1 that falls asleep...it makes him become a p**s-taking ***** making my life hell.spends£30/40 a week on stella, plus every weekend mdma, tried talking /reasoning/helping/threatening/..his dad an alcoholic,says he can't help it! kids noticing we not getting on..my2eldest from previuos marriage-their dad turned to hrd drugs&booze, told my partner not putting them thru it again-we have another child between us.given him ultimatum today -3choices-get a grip,knock booze on head lets start afresh/ leave for a month&sort head out/ or if cant resolve leave permanently. he says dont wanna leave the baby - told him wont have to if gets a grip! hes in bed thinking about it. at end of tether. i shoved him across kitchen yesterday- but then in past hes shoved me or grabbed me too tight so i dont feel bad as my patience snapped &he's verbally aggressive to me lots!he's nice to kids but spends little time with them,preferring to sit in 'den' and drink!!! help!!!
2007-02-03 19:46:29 · 11 answers · asked by hedgewitch 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ahhhhhh... have you never heard of alcoholism? He is not going to stop as long as he can sit in the chair in the den, nice and comfy, out of the cold and rain, drinking his whisky. Why should he stop? Sounds like a good life as long as he is drunk, right.
Alcoholism is a disease that must be treated. Fortunately, it is not a virus. There are no pills to take and arresting this disease's march can be done fairly well without major medical expense.
First, give up on the fighting. It is getting you nowhere. That just gives him an excuse to sit on the pitty-pot and think he is so abused that he deserves to drink some more. No, just turn away except if he tries anything physical on you or the children.
Then get the phone book out and find a number for Alcoholics Anonymous or AlAnon (for the non-drinking spouse). Either one can give you the information that you need at this point. Persist with them even if at first you don't get some help. The clubs are all run by volunteers so sometimes, even with the best of intentions, people slip through the cracks, but the goal is to help you and usually you will be helped.
Rather than me telling you what needs to be done to get your marriage back into a livable state, I will leave it at what I just told you. That is, calm down, watch your back and that of the kids, and call AA.
Do it now. They are often open all night since that is when most of this drunken behavior seems to get the worst.
2007-02-03 20:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Dr No 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to some ALANON meetings. They are a twelve step group for people who love people who are addicts. It will help you break this cycle in your life, you will learn how to love yourself and accept the things you cannot change, give you the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference... Literally... It won't all change over night, but it will change, if you go, and you listen, and you talk, and you think, and you let yourself grow...
It isn't a class, it is a place where people go and when you go the first thing you will discover is you really are not alone... The rest you'll have to find out about yourself. Look in the classifieds of your newspaper, or type ALANON in your search... There is probably a meeting close to you going on right now.
2007-02-03 19:58:04 · answer #2 · answered by vvxxzzvv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend's husband did the same and she gave him an ultimatum, get help ie Alanon or you leave. Her hubby used to go out all night and pass out in a ditch. If he can't sort out his drinking problem then your marriage doesnt have much chance. Her's sorted himself out and now goes to Alanon every week and they have a very happy marriage and he spends time with his kids at last. Good luck!
PS Oldokie1 says that an alcoholic and a drunk are different, nonsense, if the drunk cant stop drinking then he is an alcoholic, same thing
2007-02-04 21:30:52 · answer #3 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol is a poison, that is so destructive!
Living with an alcoholic is like to trying to tame a whirl-wind!
It is very frightening witnessing extreme mood swings, never knowing if you are suddenly going to be attacked (verbally & possibly physically abused).
Don't leave getting help until it is too late.
Any abuse / violence could escalate, you or one of the kids could get badly hurt...
that's quite a responsibility
You're in a very difficult position but your kids have got to come first - they are your priority
kids always see & hear more than you know
When I was a kid- I went to bed every night hearing my dad spewing his guts up in the toilet next door to my bedroom- I'd run crying to sleep in my mum's bed- I was so frightened... My mum did nothing to help him, she only made his life such a misery he felt compelled to drink himself to death! My much loved dad then faded away- he physically shrank & became very weak. My dad died of pancreatic cancer brought on by the alcoholism (& a bad diet) (he drank a bottle of whiskey a day, plus wine...) He died in terrible pain- tormented by the fact he did so little to help his kids...
Save your man from that, if you can
If you can't, & he wont accept he needs help, cut him lose, let him know why, tell him you'll reconsider if he cleans up & hope he manages to kick his bad (lazy?) habits...
it'll take strength & the determination to make your lives better
Please set yourselves on a healthier / happier path - do it for yourself & your kids
2007-02-03 22:08:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that he is nice to the children, but what about you? You cannot be happy like this? He needs to realise he has a problem. If he does, and seeks help, things could work out ok. If he can't see it though, how much longer can you put up with it? It's not fair on you.
2007-02-03 22:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Linda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what problem is he trying to hide with drink try and talk through his problem my partner was drinking himself to death night after night drinking ten or twelve Stella plus whiskey until the day i decided enough was enough so i made him sit and talk it took hours to get to the route of his problems but once he opened up it resolved most of his problems . he still drinks but no where near as much and is manageable when he is drunk i just make him go to bed
2007-02-05 10:44:21 · answer #6 · answered by top cat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when I was off the rails, I knew it but did not care. dont believe the "I cant help it" crap. we all make excuses to enjoy our vices.
the thing here is the childrens well being. not having a father figure can be bad, but having an abusive drug taker in the house is worse.
never allow even one act of physical/emotional abuse. your children see and hear as much as you do, and what image of adulthood (and treatment of loved ones) do you want for them to believe is normal?
2007-02-03 20:00:38 · answer #7 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't see how it makes him nasty when drinking, could you video him when is is drunk and show him his behaviour when he's sober.
Alcoholics not only estroy themselves ,they destroy the people around them as well.
You need to think of yourself and your kids now if he won't do anything to help himself
Good luck to you.
2007-02-03 20:01:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not an alcoholic He's a drunk. An alcoholic wants to quit and a drunk doesn't. Give him the boot til he cleans up his act for the kids sake.
2007-02-04 02:58:13 · answer #9 · answered by oldokie1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to an al anon meeting and listen
2007-02-03 19:51:31 · answer #10 · answered by defragmentedbrain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋