Ok asking a question for my best friend.She has been happily married 16 yrs to a wonderful man but about 9 yrs ago she cheated on him.It was only a 1 time thing and she never cheated before that and it never happened again..Well she told her husband soon after it happened and he forgave and they never talked about it except that 1 time..She was and still is truly sorry she did this and to this day still thinks about the horrible thing she did..She loves her husband more then anything and is so sorry she did this to him and cant seem to forgive herself..what advice would u give her. She thought about talking to him about this but i told her not to bring up the past cause since he has forgiven her then thats all that matters and she needs to move on and forgive herself...In my opinion i dont thinking bringing up the past with him is a good idea..I know what she did was terribly wrong but she is not a bad person.
2007-02-03 18:50:03 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it could be happened for everyone, for me, for you and for her husband. it is natural and it is natural too, forgive herself and be forgiven by her husband. is she thinking about that man yet? it is possible because of this she can not forgive herself. ask her to forget him and forgive herself.
2007-02-03 18:57:00 · answer #1 · answered by mhrhashemi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving someone else is so hard, but it is always easier than forgiving yourself.
You are completely right about not bringing up the past with the husband. He has forgiven her, and her bringing this up with him is only going to open the wound again for him. It is also pretty selfish to put him through remembering this pain because she cannot get over the feeling of guilt.
She did the right thing by telling him in the first place, and is a very lucky woman to be forgiven.
Her husband obviously knows that she is a good person, or he would not have forgiven her.
It is so hard to forgive yourself when you hurt the people that you love, and it is harder to forgive yourself when you feel that you have compromised your own values.
Your friend needs to accept that she too, is human. She made a mistake and has been given a second chance. So long as she dwells on the past, it will eat her up inside.
Every time she thinks of this thing that she has done, she needs to consciously recognise these terrible feelings and then let them go.
She needs to reassure herself that she is a good person and that she deserves the second chance that she has been given. Then she should think of 10 good things she has done for her husband, herself or for other people.
For every negative thought, she needs to replace it with 10 positive.
It takes a long time to get over something like this. (obviously).... She just needs to know in her heart that she is a good person and that even the best people make mistakes.
2007-02-03 19:09:11 · answer #2 · answered by originalpuppycat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If her husband forgave her then she needs to accept that and forgive herself. If she is still sorry about her affair then that could be a good thing because she knows she was wrong and if the situation ever arises again she will remember what happened before and have second thoughts.
2007-02-04 14:25:05 · answer #3 · answered by n0s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And what if you get some STD from this other girl? If she is waiting for marriage and you have sex with someone else, I think you can say goodbye to her and no kiss goodbye. What would you think if she decided to have sex with some other guy at her college? Would the two of you still have a relationship? What makes you think it would be any different if you cheated on her. i'd sure advise her to write you off. If you are unfaithful once, you will be again and couldn't trust you. 2/3 of the girls have STD's, at least in some states. That could be anything from clamadia (however it is spelled which can cause miscarriages in girls) to HIV. You could pass cervical cancer or any number of issues on to your girlfriend if she did have sex with you later on. Do you want to risk it for the chocolate biscuit? If your relationship is crappy, break up and then do what you want but you should make sure you are not passing something on to the next girlfriend. Can't know that for sure.
2016-03-29 04:05:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant change the past, but you can fix the future. If he has forgiven her then she should just work at making him happy. Do a little extra and make it so he is not sorry he forgave you. IF she keeps bringin it up, he may not feel the same and BOOM, he will leave. He does not want to be reminded and she should not torcher herself either.
Pray and get forgiveness from God, then forgive herself then she can be at peace with it.
2007-02-03 18:55:57 · answer #5 · answered by wingedladyk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. It will always be there but to bring it up again would be like reliving the unfortunate situation all over again.
We all make mistakes. The important thing, is to learn by our mistakes and take the steps forward and get on with life.
Evidently, he has forgiven her, but she MUST forgive herself.
Tell her to concentrate on the good and kick the crap out of the bad and ugly.
She needs to be all she can be to the best of her ability and be all she can be to her man.
It's good she has you to talk to.
She must have a great guy.
Tell her to cleanse her self of the guilt and just be kind and care for him and tell him she loves him and give him lots of hugs.
2007-02-03 19:11:06 · answer #6 · answered by DeeJay 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She hasn't truly forgiven herslef if she's still carries blame and pain from her choices. Some time alone with herself might allow her to re-explore who she was when she made that choice and who she is now and the choices she's made since. She might realize she's making better choices since that circumstance and her husband and family are benefitting from them. She needs to realize and believe that she's a good person on her on. When we make bad choices we tend to neglect ourselves and focus on the person we've hurt. But that will only lead to self pity. 9 years is time enough to let go of her pain and give it up to a lesson learned and a prayer answered for a forgiving husband.
2007-02-03 19:01:52 · answer #7 · answered by mako98 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she needs to know that she needs to forgive herself, as it was just a one time thing, she needs to ask god to forgive her, and he will, and than she needs to forget the thing, not keep going back over it trying to figure it out. if she loves her husband than she needs to focus on the good husband she has, and the life she has, and be grateful for it, the past is the past, irrelevant to what is going on now. sometimes we do regret things, but if we don't forgive ourselves, it could cause us emotional damage and mental illness. she obviously doesn't know the lord, and how he works and that he forgives us, the lord is the only one we need to fear when we have sinned not others. her circumstances aren't bigger than god are they? she needs to seek god and get his forgiveness. as god doesn't want us living in hurt, she needs to thank god for all she has, and the guilt will go away.
2007-02-04 00:51:14 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has an internal problem for sure if after nine years shes still fixated on her affair and self. Tell her to stop being selfish! Its pure selfishness on her part to burden her husband with her problem, he's past it. Sometimes maturity means knowing when to be quiet. I think shes self absorbed. Tell her to get out and fixate on helping other people instead of worrying about herself so much.
Ack, I sound hard ...huh? I'm really not...I still think shes way self absorbed
2007-02-03 19:01:41 · answer #9 · answered by reclusive_n_fine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right. Bringing up the past to him would be a terrible idea. It might help her feel less guilty but it would certainly make him feel hurt all over again. If she is feeling guilty and can't move past it she should see a therapist.
2007-02-03 18:55:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋