All my friends are getting married......?

Question

I don't ever want to! I don't want to be somebody's 'wife' and to lose my identity like so many women do upon marrying. I don't want to fall into that trap of being too comfortable with my partner that I neglect to make an effort each day to keep him interested. I don't want a piece of paper telling the world of my love, as that love should be strong enough not to warrant the legality of marriage. I don't want to change my surname and I definitely don't want my sex-life to become too complacent. And finally, I don't want to enter into something that is denied to gay people around the world until they too are allowed to marry!
Anyone feel the same?

Me, an angry person?? hahahaha
Anyone who knows me would be in hysterics right now. I'm a super-chilled free spirit who simply refuses to fall victim to a socially constructed institution that I believe to be pointless and, considering the rate of divorce, ultimately flawed. Love is an emotional contract, not a legal one!

Answer 1

I understand what you mean and your overall ideas about marriage, what it symbolizes to you and what it may bring in the long run.
I used to think the same a couple of years ago before I got married and you know what I concluded? It is up to you and the person you want to keep as your "life partner" to make it work the way YOU want it to. You dont need to change your name, you do not have to change and become a dependant person and you can always take care of yourself because that is a part of who you are. Yes years bring a routine and take away some exciting moments in a couple's life but you know what there are other things you didnt mention like companionship, friendship, love and strong attachment and children that are there with time.

You do not need to be pressured by society or your friends but try to keep an open mind on marriage. It is wonderful if it does work out.

Answer 2

To be honest with you, I'm a "free spirit" too. Most people who know me well tell me I'm "eclectic" - which is probably a nicer way of saying I'm weird! LOL I moved 6,000 miles away from my home and family, and everything I had ever known, at the age of 18 - and ever since, I've been kinda "blazing my own path". But let me tell you - I love being married. Companionship is very important to me; as much fun as I've had being single and unattached, I've come to the conclusion that I in the long run I would like to have a family. And just as you think that a "piece of paper" does not add anything to your love or committment - I feel that it doesn't take away from the love and committment my partner and I feel for each other. I agree with you that love is not defined by any legal action. But I am a very practical person; I appreciate the convenience of having that little "piece of paper"; I accept the fact that I live in a society, and I don't mind playing by the society's rules when it's convenient to me. If you feel that you're losing your identity in a relationship - then you're in the wrong relationship. In all successful couples I have known, the partners are enriching each other, not taking away from each other. You certainly don't have to change your name - there's no law that says you have to. I've kept the same name my whole life, and so did my mother and my grandmother; It is not an issue. As far as complacency in your sex life - sooner or later, as you get older, sex will become less important anyway; it's fine and dandy to be going out with a different person every month while you're young - but it really does get old after a while, and besides as you age you will have more and more trouble finding sex partners (it's easier for a 20 year old to get a fun date than for a 50 year old). If, however, you do end up in a long-term relationship - not having that "piece of paper" will not protect you from complacency anyhow; only your own efforts will.

That said, I think that to each his own, there are people who are perfectly happy by themselves; and if this works for you - no one can tell you otherwise. But, IMO, to sneer at the marriage certificate makes no more sense than to bash the social securtity card or a birth certificate. You certainly don't need a birth certificate to be a living, breathing, feeling person; but it is a way for the community to keep track of certain events that occur in the lives of its members - births, marriages, divorces, deaths being some of them. People can be just as happy or unhappy when they're married as when they aren't. Lighten up.

Answer 3

Gosh there are so many parts to this question.....

Do not define what is appropriate in life based on what other people are doing. If marriage is something you don't want in life, then there is nothing wrong. As far as gay people are concerned, this country is waaaaay to conservative to accept gay marriages at this time. We can only hope things change. But as an interim solution we can look in to civil unions which do not involve religion but yet the couple is granted the same legal rights as a married couple.

Answer 4

Don't beleive the fairy tale. See how your friends are doing in 5, 10, 20 years. Marriage is impossible if you stick with the traditional rules. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high?

I thought my married life was perfect. For 10 years I didn't give it a second thought. All it took was a brush with death and a silly dream to bring the fantasy crashing down.

Answer 5

There are many financial reasons to get married.
Health Insurance and Tax Deductions.

Apart from that, It is just a piece of paper that can make your life miserable if everything goes wrong. As if breaking up a long term relationship isn't hard enough. Let's add lawyers to the mix.

Answer 6

Are they registered any the position? it may say so interior the invitation. in case you hate the idea of walking round a keep with a catalogue,only get them a present card to that keep. If the marriage isn't that a strategies away then each and each and every of the intense priced products are probable those left in there registry,human beings have a tendency to purchase the most inexpensive products on the couples record,so a present card may be the right thanks to flow. in the experience that they don't seem registered any the position,a present card continues to be the right thanks to flow.Get them a Visa present card,you may ususally purchase them at a economic employer,call round and locate out who has them and if there's a fee for the cardboard itself..its typically only a pair of money.you may positioned any quantity of money on the cardboard,and that is clone of a mastercard,as a fashion to apply it any the position that takes charge playing cards,even on line.

Answer 7

I too feel the exact same way at times, I've been in two weddings last year, I'm 27 and Ive been dating this wonderful man for 2 years, but why don't I feel fulfill and happy? You know like people say you should feel. He lives 2 and 1/2 hrs away and we see each other every week end and sometimes I spend 4 or sometimes 5 days but after my 3rd day I'm ready to come back home. I sometimes feel this is not for me I love my time alone. I do get lonely sometimes but its not about him or maybe he's not the one for me, I don't know. I don't do any wifely things for him he does it all for me and himself, cook wash cloths etc. He even does it when he comes to my house. I dont have the desire to do these things for both of us as a couple or in a single house hole I like just taking care of me. I want to get married but again I don't think it's for me. I don't go out like I use to and but I know thats not what I'm missing. I too sometimes feel like I'm giving too much of who I am, my freedom, my space, doing things I don't feel like doing to make him smile. Maybe its just him, but he has done nothing but wonderful to me in the last two years. Whatever, one day at a time, so they say!!!!!

Answer 8

This is something that will change when you find the right person.
If you fully chose not to then you can not look down on people that chose to commit fully to each other.
I'm not even going to start on the gay bit so, do what you feel is right and let others do what they find right.

Answer 9

hello. I can show you the path of real companionship. I can let you focus on the advantages of a good companion, spouse or a friend for life.

Answer 10

this is a fact, everybody may have this feeling like you , but they are not as brave as you , you can say your emotion , your opinion this is fine , its not compulsory to get married , you can be free in your whole life, but , you should not think atht , marriage is not freedom, marriage is a protocol , it makes you a women , e real woman , you can not be a girl and full of energy a you are in This years , you can get married after 40th years of your life ,I hope you will be lucky in your life, just don;t forget GOD. he create us couple .