My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for about nine months now. I found out that she cheated and lied to me during the begining of our relationship. I can deal with the cheating, that part I can get over. I cant get over the lies. I seem to question everything thing she says and does. She and I are on a break now because of the way I question everything she does. This behavior is not normal for me and is actually scary to me. I want nothing more to trust her, but I need some help not being so "parinoid" about everything she does. Please HELP I really love her and I want to be with her.
2007-02-03 17:55:45 · 18 answers · asked by spire8901 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Unfortunately the "trust" factor is what usually breaks up most couples that have cheated.. its not so much the fact of the deed as much as the fact that u cant trust anymore.. If ur gf was smart she'd know that ur trust issues..that ur having right now, are the consequences of her actions, the only way to get trust back after such a thing is to earn it back, and that means dealing with the other persons insecurities.. she needs to be open and honest, be where she says she's going to be, prove to u any way she can that she's ur girl and thats it.. problem is after awhile that gets to feeling like she's trapped, that ur controling.. so u need to be man enough to say ok for the next so many months im going to watch u like a hawk, if during this time, u prove to be trustworthy , then i'll back off.. and u need to at that point, even if it kills u inside, u have to start to trust even if it hurts, cause if u dont , u will never trust her again and it will be doomed to fail.. so set up a time limit, if she passes with flying colors.. then start letting go little by little.. the more she earns back the more u give back..
2007-02-03 18:03:28 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you are a better person than I. There is no way I would ever forgive the cheating! You need to get together with her and tell her how hurt you are by the cheating and the lying and that you do want to trust her again bust she has to earn it. Tell her that you can forgive her for both but that you will not tolerate it again. Tell her how much you love her and you want this to work and ask her to try and understand your position if you had done this to her what would her reaction be. tell her you will try your best not to question every little thing and accuse her of lying but if you catch her again with valid proof it is over because you deserve better than that! Now here is one more tip for you based on my experience... a person only gets angry and defensive if they are doing what they are accused of because they are angry at themselves for getting caught. I hope it all works out for the best with you no matter what that best may be...sometimes you just need to let go and move on because guaranteed there is someone out there who will love you more and never even fathom cheating or lying to you.... Good Luck!
2007-02-03 18:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by Queenie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hate to be the one who tells you this but you will never get over the fact that she lied to you.It's been 10 years for me and I still cry when I think about it.Like now just writing about this brings it all back like it was yesterday.He is in the next room and I feel like slapping him in the face.But you can't It's something you need to keep to your self because if you don't they will leave or go out and cheat again only this time they will blame it on you.If you love her shallow your pride and tell her you forgive her even if it's not true.I have found that it is imposable to forgive the one you trusted with your heart.
2007-02-03 18:11:34 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the cheating can be forgiven, the lies can't. u have a right to question things if you have invested in the relationship. if she isn't willing to be truthful to u, than nothing can ever be worked out about her lying. when we hurt others we have to ow up to it, be accountable, if were not willing, it shows our true character and whats in our hearts. but if she is no longer cheating maybe u should give it a break, stop the questioning and watching everything she does, that also can really get on the nerves after awhile. if u love her your going to have to work on this forgiveness thing.
2007-02-03 23:54:32 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when trust is lost, it is almost impossible to recover. the more you care about the person, prior to betrayal, the more difficult it is to overcome the suspicion of 'is this person really saying what they are doing?' it is almost laughable what the littlest of white lies can do to a relationship, let alone betrayal such as cheating. my only suggestion would be some sort of counseling. right there, you will find out if this person is willing to put in the effort and sacrifice of saving the relationship and building the trust that was lost.
in a nutshell
good luck
2007-02-03 18:02:34 · answer #5 · answered by gonzo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
trust is a funny thing, you must have a reason to trust,you say you love her,but does she love you,if she does she will ask you to trust her.and then and only then you will have to start with small steps of trusting her all over again. letting her go to the movies with her girl friend, and girls night out.love make guys go crazy, don't think that this is not normal because it is, but only
if this is the right girl for you.if not dint worry be happy. there will
be much much more to come so just hold on and keep god in your life.
2007-02-03 18:14:13 · answer #6 · answered by richard n. f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable you are having trust issues with your girlfriend, and it is going to take time and effort for her to earn back your trust. How could it not be so after she violated your faith in her in such a hurtful way. You might consider seeking some couples counseling to help you out. Just recognize that what you are feeling is completely normal.
I cite some sites below that you might find helpful. Good luck.
2007-02-03 17:59:33 · answer #7 · answered by minemeus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With her NEVER!!!
Trust is something that is earned and without that you have nothing.
From the beginning it would appear your whole relationship never started out with trust nor will it ever have trust.
It was based on lies and more lies to cover other lies.
Sorry I would be lying if thought something worth saving there.
And my friend that's no LIE
2007-02-03 18:06:10 · answer #8 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants you to trust her, she'll have to deal with the constant questions...She did this to herself, but you also took her back, so you have to take some responsibility on your part. She's obviously not committed to you like you are to her. If she can't deal with the questions, then she doesn't want a real relationship. I would do everything in my power to prove myself to my husband if I was her. I would tell him everything! The littlest detail! If she doesn't want to prove herself to you, then she obviously doesn't want to commit to you.
If she really loved you and wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have done this in the first place.
You sound like a nice guy...Would you want to marry her considering all of her lies and the cheating? You'd be setting yourself up for failure if you did marry her. She knows she can get away with it. Why marry her and invest your life and possibly bring kids into this? You can do better, there are nice girls out there that can keep their legs shut! It may take a while, but we are out there! Not me of course, I'm married...
2007-02-03 18:03:40 · answer #9 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think if she really loves you as much as you love her she should... since she was the one who lied and cheated do everything in her power to make you feel comfortable even if this means letting you know where she is going and with whom ect..and giving you as much time as you need to get over it she should be willing since she messed it up . GOOD LUCK ...Anna
2007-02-03 18:01:51 · answer #10 · answered by ThE OnE aNd OnLy ..PEPSIGIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋