What do i do w/a smoking husband?

Question

Been married 11/2 years, he didn't smoke when we married but now he feels the need. He doesn't smoke in the house but I smell it on him and it's in his breath. Brushing doesn't help and I find it hard to be intimate with him b/c kissing really gets me there and I find his breath repulsive. He keeps saying he's 'trying to quit,' but his smoking seems to be never ending. I always refused to be with a smoker and now he's my husband and I just can't seem to get over this. It really bothers me. WHAT SHOULD I DO??? And I definately don't believe in divorce.

Answer 1

I know this will be a long, long answer, but it is a good one. I speak from experience...here it goes.

I also had the same problem. For one thing, don't tell him anything logical about saving money and all that. Saying anything about how to quit etc...will only make him do it more. Most people end up nagging the person but that only makes it worse.

Here it what I did and it worked!! Miracle!!

First...I bought the book "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking" by Allen Carr. I read the few pages where it speaks directly to the loved one of the smoker. This will help you understand what to do or not do with the smoker.

Then, I sat him down and very, oh so sweetly said....'honey, I heard about this book from Ashton Kutcher. He was on TV talking about how he smoked massively for 10 years and he quit smoking before he finished reading it. Please don't be upset with me, but I am going to leave it here for you. I am not telling you to read it. There is no pressure. I just want you to know it is here if you want to look at it. I was very non-chalant about it. I did mean for him to subconsciously see that book on the coffee table all the time though.

He didn't pick it up for weeks. Every once in awhile when I knew he could see me, I would start reading it myself. Sometimes I shared interesting info.

I for one HATE smoking with a passion. It repulses me. Finally, something just clicked inside me. I finally had a flash of inspiration.

I said the following "Honey, I love you so, so much. You knew before I didn't want to be with a smoker. I let it go, but now I have to tell you something. I want a life with you. I want us to be happy and healthy. I do not want to be left a widow or watch you die from a horrible illness.(then the whammy)...I will not stay and watch you kill yourself. (I actually started to cry because I meant it).

That was the gist of it. I just shared from my HEART, and not my head. I spoke the truth.

He just got very quiet and listened. He only said that he wanted us to have a happy life too. He then said he would quit but it would take a little time. (surprise!!)

When we got home, he picked up the book. He read several chapters and in 3 days, before he finished...he quit. Cold turkey.

This is a man who smoked for 35 years. (he quit for a very short time when we met, but started again).He loved his ciggies!

He told me...I Iove you so much...you are the only one I would quit for. He said he wouldn't quit for himself, but he would for me. (awww).

It's now been 5 months. I know he has quit for good.

Make sure you get the book though!!! It has extremely important information to help you know what to say or not say.

I wish you much luck. Sorry for the length of the answer.

Answer 2

It's your choice to not be with a smoker and it's a GOOD choice! This means he needs to QUIT and QUIT soon! Seriously, make him quit!

Start going to the store and buying him nicotein gum and patches and Smoke Away and he'll be quitting soon!

If he refuses to quit, then move away til he does. It's not a divorce, just a small temporary seperation. Go live with your mom or girlfriend for a few days, he'll miss you and figure it out that smoking is not worth losing his loving wife!

Smoking is an extremely bad and nasty habit and it can kill him with cancer. Show him some nasty pictures of people who have had to have their tongues and lips removed because of mouth cancer and see if that will make him quit!

Answer 3

The next time he is out in the yard smoking just throw a bucket of water on him to put out the fire. Shout Fire -this is only a suggestion and may or may not work. So don't hold me responsible if he gets violent. Try talking to him first.

Answer 4

well, i heard that AA people go to the meetings themselves if thier partner wont. mazbe thereäs something like that. or you could not have sex with him untill he quits LOL that might end in divorce though, JK.. I heard that on the 11th try you are more like ly to quit for good. You could buy him a nice road bicycle, a patch kit a frame pump, fenders if it;'s rainy, a nice windbreaker arm warmers a good halogen light and battery pack a nice helmet an iPod if he doesn't have one, and tell him to go for ride whenever he wants a smoke, and listen to really good music. you could ask him to take a shower and mouthwash.before yu are intimate...

Answer 5

If hes truly trying to quit don't push him by getting into arguments where you say "smoking" or "cigarette" over and over. This is slow torture for an addict in withdrawal.

The best thing you can do is redirect him. Try to stay constantly active and get into situations where you minds are occupied and he cant smoke. Make sure he drinks lots of water and foods with antioxidants to get the nicotine out of his system faster.

Be patient and keep lots of gum and febreeze on hand to make your point.

Answer 6

Most men will choose sex over cigarettes, just explain that you would like to keep him around for a very long time and that smoking is not the way to do that. Besides, sex is much healthier for him than that damn smoking. Does he know that 1 in 3 americans will get cancer? Has he seen someone die of emphazyma? It is like watching them slowly sophocate over several months. Its horrible. You're the girl, do yo' thang!!!

Answer 7

He needs to quit. Out of respect for you and his own self. He is cheating away his time here on earth and that takes time away from you! If he didn't smoke before he should not start now. That is a serious issue. It's one thing if you married into it... but you don't form habits that can damage a marriage. What was he thinking???

Answer 8

have him try clove tea. and calculate how much money he spends (would spend) on cigarettes in a year, and how much he could buy for that much money. and tell him you love him, but you can't kiss a smoker, and then don't. and give him food to munch on when he wants a smoke and make him excercise with you because that helps to stop the urge.

Most of all, he has to want to quit. so tell him how you feel in a really serious talk and say that it doesn't work for you.

Answer 9

you know what you got to do
Steal his cigarettes, destroy the remains of what has been left.
don't burn the pack of cigarettes, you could die in second-hand smoke, basically it's like you breath the smoke. Don't smell the smoke or your husbands breath. What's hard is that he can't stop smoking, it's addicting to him. He's going to die if you don't save him. He will increase is chance of getting emphysema and lung cancer. Once he has that, he's going to have it for life. so for a wife like you, save him from smoking or let him smoke to death when he's going to suffer lack of air, more breaths, and less O2.

Answer 10

hi
i m much younger to u but can suggest u
i hope this would help u
give him the habit of chewing buble gums
it will b better if he will use mouth freshner
try not to scold him for this but try to b his strength
let him feel whenever he smokes that he is disappointing u
i know how it feels even i will aso not b able to manage this problem when i will b at ur place
divorce is never the solution it is only when there is no way but u can hv hundreds of ways.
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