Emotionally aloof man...how to get him to turn up the heat with me?

Question

So I've started dating a fellow who works in a certain, highly specialised technical field. I hate to generalize, but he seems to lack some emotional/bonding skills. He has treated me out to some lavish dates but has yet to kiss me, take my hand, place his arms around me....nothing! I've tried a lot of subtle things to give him a nudge but I'm about ready to call it a day. He's told me he likes me, likes my company but doesn't seem to be curious about me and he's not at all affectionate. It's a lot of mixed signals. I was initially attracted to him because he's really intelligent, known in his field, attractive, and we have a lot of the same interests.

Answer 1

Ok, if it were me...throw caution to the wind. Plan a romantic evening. Flirt, intrigue him..candles, wine -pull out all the stops. It's possible he's a little afraid and maybe needs a big, glaring green light to make a move. Make your intent known. Make him a fabulous dinner, lavish some attention on him and pull out the lingere and jump his bones!! He sounds a bit cerebral so maybe you need to invite some of his long hidden baser feelings out.

If that doesn't work and give your relationship a new spin, I think at that point I'd call it a day. Nothing ventured, nothing gained...just make sure you can handle it if it doesn't work. But what the hell, life is short so I'd risk a little foolishness and see just where it gets you. Who knows...maybe he'll like a strong, sexy assertive woman to take charge of the situation? If nothing else, you didn't wait around for him to 'make his move' and if it fails you can move on.

Good luck and most of all..think of it as fun

Answer 2

Basically, your question is how do I control my man so I can change him into not being himself anymore and being the man I really want him to be.

Look, if he didn't ask, he probably doesn't want you to start rennovating his personality.

This is control, and rather judgmental.

It's not wrong for you to want him to turn up the heat. Don't confuse what I'm saying to mean that. You are free to want what you want.

What's wrong is thinking that it's ok to change another person to get what you want.

That's control and manipulation, and certainly not a healthy way to run a relationship.

Be glad you are not married to him.

Tell him what you want and ask him if he can be that guy. If not, then agree that you two are not right for each other.

There is nothing wrong with asking if he can be that guy. But asking "how to get him to..." is just control and manipulation, and certainly not the foundation of a healthy and loving relationship.

Answer 3

I don't know what to say? Maybe he is waiting for you to make the first move because he is worried about messing things up? Maybe that is just the way he is and will always be and if you crave something more, it just won't work out in the long run.

Answer 4

Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and he's super shy. Next time you are out take hold of his hand, link you arm though his and let your breast rub against his arm. Start from there and see what develops

Answer 5

Sounds like a great guy. Perhaps your subtle attempts have been a little...too.... subtle. It's possible that he's frightened, or just misreading your advances. Don't assume it's because he's cold or disinterested in you.

Kiss him. Be brave.

Answer 6

make him a present of a packet of condoms and your front door key.
if that doesnt do it ,just bury him cos hes dead.

Answer 7

Try touching him, holding his hand or something...

Answer 8

um, move on sweetie............