Ex-Inmate Losing Rights to New Father?

Question

Hi, I have a question. My mother was married and had a child (me) with him in 1990-91. He was in a white collar drug dealing business (my mom never knew) and with outstanding cooperating only got 6 years 6 mos in prison.
I was very little at the time and he kept great contact with me with letters, cards, presents, phone calls. Obviously my parents marriage deteriorated and she got the marriage annulled. She remarried a man who eventually became my adopted father.
I'm wondering how this happened and why my biological father has no parental rights to me, since he had posed no threat to me and wanted to be an active father. I know that when I was little, I was very confused about my father and went to child counseling because I was for some reason, scared of him and didn't want to see him. I guess I was confused. So could that have had to do with it or what?
I'm kind of upset over it and would like to find my father when I'm 18. For now, I'd just like this answer. Thank you.

Answer 1

Sweetie, this is a serious question you need to discuss with your mother and not these nuts on Yahoo. I don't believe that counseling had anything to do with the adoption, though, so don't think that it had anything to do with you. Sometimes adults make decisions they believe to be in your best interest, because they love you and want the best for you - including your biological father. Please sit your mom down and ask her these questions. She is the one who needs to be answering. Good luck.

Answer 2

My two daughters ages 15 and 17 are in the same situation as you. In our state however, the bio father has to be notified of the planned adoption and has a right to fight it. In our case he was served the papers and chose not to fight. I don't know why. He has had NO contact with the girls in 11 years, I know it bothers the older child. Even though they know have a very good father in my husband, she is confused about how a father can just walk away. We will not stand in her way if she wants to find him next month when she turns 18.
Is your adoptive father a good dad? Has he provided for you in every way? If so he and your mother will probably feel the same way I do about you looking for him when the time is right. But you have to believe that your mother had your BEST interest in her heart when she made her choices. It could be that your bio father knows you were adopted but also knew this new man was better able to care for you. Make sure you let your parents know how you feel, they will understand. Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm sorry, don't take what I'm about to say personally. What is wrong with you? This man had raped your niece, touched your children in the wrong ways, and you plan on writing him a freaking note? That's it? The best thing you should do is turn the psycho into the police because just because he isn't preying on your family members anymore doesn't mean that he isn't preying on other girls. He could screw up some other girl's life up. Men like him are best in therapy or prison. He won't stop. Leaving him on the lose is like leaving a lion with a Chihuahua! Don't think about just YOUR children's safety. Think about other kids, and how they could be affected by this. And why would you even let him near your daughter's? He could threaten them or something! They are little girls that wouldn't be able to do anything if he held them against their will, and what if they were too afraid to do anything about it? This man deserves nothing from you or your children. He threw that all away when he decided to do what he is doing. It may hurt, but you have to think about what state of mind this guy is in. He is a freaking crazy psycho path, and you're the one that needs to do something about it. Good luck, and be blessed.

Answer 4

I am one of the nuts on Yahoo and I "thumbs up" Rita on this. This is something you and your mother need to have a "heart to heart" about. It is possible your father gave up his rights because it was in your best interest. Once you turn 18 you have every right to pursue a relationship with your father. I hope your adoptive father has proven to be a good man. Your mom knows the truth.
If you were scared of him that may have something to do with all of this.

Answer 5

It's sounds like your mother was trying to protect you; however, this can damage a child's relationship with the protector not all parents make the right decisions in raising the children. My x had my son terrified of me and I just found out 2 years ago if lied about me and my son loves both of us. But he has a problem with his father keeping him and I apart from one another. I wasn't a drug dealer. I was an abused wife who just walked away from our home and gave him everything but my children just to get away. I was in the right mind when I left. We ended up in the projects among gun fire and drugs and I was scared for my children's life and I let my son go back to live with his father and my daughter and I moved to another state. I became a nanny then ended up losing any rights that I had on my child because I tried to make a better life for my daughter and I've paid for it for over 16 years my son and I had a one on one relationship from the time he was born, I had left my job to stay home with him for the first years of his life. My heart was tore out of my body and I have had to deal with this and so has he. I came back to the State he lived in later but I could give him what his father gave him in material things so now we have a son who is confussed and it wasn't fair to him or I to go throgh this but I have forgiven his father, but when I look at my son and his problems I blame his dad and I need to learn how to deal with all this myself. I'm sorry about your father, but you have a right to get to know him and ask him the questions that you have. If you don't beleive him tell him to prove it. A lot of people sell drugs more than you could ever imagine, some learn from their mistakes some don't. I hopehe did. Your mom needs to explain how she did'nt know where the extra money coming in came from. Then maybe you can except things a little better. It's hard for me to beleive that a wife doesn't know what's going into the bank unless your father had control of all the money. You need to find out things for yourself when you get old enough. Write in a journal what you hear now and what you remember. Then when you get older ask questions write down the answers and compare you can figure it all out. God Bless You and I hope you the best in this cruel world. You can make it a better place.

Answer 6

Well, if he's convicted on a load of charges, then it may be just a way of protecting you. You can never be too careful.