ok. we had plans to get married in 3mos, but lately hes been saying that we really cant, that we have to wait because we dont have the money for a fancy wedding. I dont want a big fancy wedding, i have a really small family & his family is probably not even going to go. So i dont see why we need a fancy wedding for. Then today, we got in a fight again, and i cried, because im starting to believe its was just an excuse so i would let him move in my house. I dont know, evertime he gets mad or is unhappy about something he says he regretts moving in, or that he's going to a hotel instead.(of course he never does) but it hurts me. What i hate most is that he got me into this marrying thing when i used to say i did think about marriage, now that im all excited about it for the first time, he like nope, we cant, we have to wait. I feel so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-02-03 15:39:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He does not want to get married. Leave, you are wasting your time.
2007-02-03 15:41:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure this is the guy you want to marry? Maybe you're getting a good look of how he will be if you do get married. Ask yourself this question, "does your boyfriend contribute to more positive feelings about yourself than he does negative feelings? If the answer is no, then you probably have a problem. Couple's counseling can help. By the way, a large wedding does not necessarily make for a great marriage. My husband and I eloped and never regretted it one bit. We didn't spend money on a wedding and ended up going on a nice vacation instead. Money is important in a relationship, and it can definitely put strain on a marriage if there isn't enough of it or if it is poorly managed. I will say this: People who say they love you and want to get married generally don't try to make their partner's feel guilty or bad about themselves. There is almost always a solution for any problem or roadblock encountered. I would think that if he really loved you he would try to work with you (as a team) in developing a plan of action in preparation for marriage. Unfortunatelly, your guy sounds like the guy I was first engaged to. We had been with each other 4 years and started talking about marriage the last 2 years. In the last year I was really excited because we were both going to graduate from college and have good jobs. The more I talked about marriage plans the more silent he became. A few weeks later he dumped me for a much younger girl, who he'd been screwing around with for some time. Don't feel bad for wanting to get married. Its a natural desire for someone you've been with for awhile and with whom you love. But, if you find yourself feeling more and more miserable because of things your bf says or doesn't say, then I'd really question if he's the one for you. A loving partner who is committed to you and who wants to marry you will not purposely contribute to your feeling downtrodden, nervous, and emotionally upset.
2007-02-03 17:50:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he WANT to have a big fancy wedding? If so, he will be one of the very few guys who actually want to do this! A rarity! If you ask me, he's just trying to use any excuse he can to back out. To get married, you don't need anything more than a marriage license, and officiant and two witnesses. Everything else is optional. If the point is to "get married", he needs to grow up and follow through. If he doesn't want to get married, he also needs to grow up and come clean to you. At this point, I would be giving a calm ultimatum: either you're getting married when you planned to, or he packs his shi1t and moves out.
If he really really wants a fancy ceremony, tell him you will start saving up money and have a nice ceremony for your 1st anniversary when you can renew your vows. Meanwhile, you can get married and get on with your life as a couple.
2007-02-03 15:48:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think either of you is ready for marriage. The idea of fancy or simple is up to you. It's not a big deal. But whatever you do, you try to do it the best way you can. Remember you get married once in your life. So try to do it right the first time.
As for him living with you. I think if he keeps bugging you, maybe he's not ready. Not every one is ready to get married. It's a big responsibility. It's not fun and games. There are a lot of things you have to learn to live with each when you are married to a person. Does he snore? Will he accept me for who I am and not bug me over everything.
SOOO it's not easy to be in a marriage. You really need to think this over if there is too much conflict. I believe that if you wait, it might get better. At least don't go into a marriage and end up divorced before you actually get to know each other well enough to be married. There's no rush to get married. You have your whole life ahead of you. GOOOD LUCK!!!
2007-02-03 16:35:29 · answer #4 · answered by fran c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even a small wedding adds up fast. My sister is having a small wedding and it is adding up so fast and she is getting cranky over the whole thing.
Just go to the courthouse to get married. A lot of couples go into debt just for the wedding. I'm saying don't do it. the first couple years of marriage are hard and the last thing a couple needs is debt. The only thing that you really need for a wedding is 25 dollars and a piece of paper. It is the smartest thing you could do for the two of you.
2007-02-03 15:46:27 · answer #5 · answered by Peggy Pirate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I 'hope' you'll listen to what I'm saying here!!
No matter how many times this guy tells you he loves you, 'HE DOESN'T'!!
He's using the 'EXCUSE' of a big wedding to just keep putting things off, and I'm surprised you can't see that.
Letting him move in with you was your first mistake!! Especially since he's never 'really'
come through with the decision to get married..
Basically he's using you dearie!!
Why would he want to marry you when he's already got the comforts of home, a sex partner
and someone he can use. You need to look long and hard at this situation, and 'hopefully'
you'll see this guy has 'no intention' of marrying you. And why in the **** are you allowing him to bring you to tears, which in itself 'shows' he
has no respect for you or he wouldn't upset you like that. Please get rid of him and find someone who 'really' loves you..Cause it's not him!! He's controlling you and will keep doing so
unless you put a stop to it!!
2007-02-03 16:13:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he cannot afford a big wedding then have a small one for now and then later on save up and have a big wedding with a great honeymoon. Tell him that if he wants to wait then he just may lose you because you want to get married. See what he says to that.
2007-02-03 15:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your instinct is correct - he is just using it for an excuse. For one thing, my wife and I didn't spend that much on the wedding either, and really, if you two really wanted to, all you have to pay for is the wedding certificate, which isn't much at all. And you need to tell him to knock it off with saying that he regrets moving in. Tell him if he regrets it so much, he should just move out and decide what he needs to do. He's going to act like a child if you continue to let him, so be firm. Your feelings shouldn't be toyed around like that. Good luck. Don't let him get you down.
2007-02-03 15:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by diegomcnamara 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel sad. Your lucky to have a person like this in your life you care about and WANTS to be committed. The ring? The ring doesn't make a marriage. I know the happiest couple in the world. they are from Cali. They got married in our church for free by the Bishop there. They exchanged 15 dollar rings. They are absolutely amazing. Don't feel like it's not going to happen. TALK about your feelings with him and he will get the ball rolling. THIS is what marriage is all about. practice now
2016-05-24 01:33:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is using all of that as an excuse for not getting married. Best advise is to kick him to the curb no matter how hard it will be for you now. If he truly loved you he would want to get married and begin his life with you. Eloping doesn't cost much, and he doesn't even want that? Best to cut all ties and move on. Sorry...................... Don't feel stupid unfortunately these things happen.
2007-02-03 15:47:33 · answer #10 · answered by Suzie- Q 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he promised u marriage to get something off u, now he is finding every excuse he can think of to renege on his promise, this man does not keep his promises, plus is ready to walk out on u every time he doesn't get his own way, he is hardly mature, and not at all husband material. why not break it off with this person, if u marry him he will regret it and cause u alot of grief, he is in this because he probably had no where else to go but to your house, meaning he is far from being stable financially. no of course he is not going to any motel, he just uses that excuse to keep u in line, next time he says that pack his bags, don't allow him to disrespect u like this.
2007-02-03 15:52:26 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋