I met a girl a while back and we became friends and she started off telling me she lived with her roomate and over time she told me her roomate was her girlfriend.Who cares I thought.I told my husband and he flipped out.He says she wants me and does'nt want me to be her friend any more?He told me to tell her that we don't have anything in common and should'nt be friends anymore.Personally I think he is off his rocker.She is a very good friend to me and I don't care if she is lesbian or not?Maybe he is homophobic?
2007-02-03 15:37:51 · 17 answers · asked by Daisy 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I think it's a good possibility, but also a lot of insecurity as well. maybe a little bit controlling too? what I mean is, maybe he doesn't like anyone taking your attention away from him. talk to him about it...make sure he knows you love him and this woman is just a good friend. some people don't think it's possible for straight people to be friends with gay people of the same gender. I have lots of straight, female friends who are married, and their husbands know we're just friends.
2007-02-03 15:57:54 · answer #1 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband this:
I want to be straight forward with you. Homosexuality is constructed. Often innoscently by many children. Children forget the experiances they had as small children. They still construct themselves from those experiances.
First understand homosexualality is constructed, just like hetrosexuality is constructed.
The Formula For Constructing A Homosexual
This formula can be illustrated in this way: A Predisposition
Toward Homosexuality Plus That First Homosexual Experience
Multiplied By Pleasurable and Positive Homosexual Thoughts
To Which Is Added More Homosexual Experiences Multiplied By More Pleasurable Thoughts Constructs A Homosexual.
The Formula For constructing A Hetrosexual
This formula can be illustrated in this way: A Predisposition
Toward hetrosexuality Plus That First Hetrosexual Experience
Multiplied By Pleasurable and Positive Hetrosexual Thoughts
To Which Is Added More Hetrosexual Experiences Multiplied By
More Pleasurable Thoughts Constructs A Hetrosexual
Once you see that this is how it happened and really understand it, it becomes your choice to work with it. I was 40 before i understood this. I was homosexual scince i could remember. Then I prayed and the memmory of when i first experianced homosexuality came to me, and I could understand how it was constructed.
It would be hard to understand this if you can not remember your first experiance, but you could still understand this.
A coulpe of good sights for you to read if you want help overcoming the homosexuality in you. First I want to say, it could take years or it could take less time, everyone is different. Check out the sights below, they may help.
http://www.ilovejesus.com/befree/pnartic...
http://www.ccel.org/contrib/exec_outline...
I would like to say the christian prospective does not talk about gender nonconformity. It can be a predisposition to homosexuality. Not all children that had a gender nonconformity will construct homosexuality. so it is not the leading or only predisposition to homosexuality. Expermenting, being drawn into expermenting all usually are the predisposition, even name calling can be part of the predispositioning to constructing homosexuality. Also not all children that become gay had a gender nonconformity.
As i say it is often innoscently constructed, then as an adult we learn it was not the plan of God. God we know planned us to construct hetrosexuality, but our choices may lead us in another direction for God to use in our plan That he has for us. Everything is the power of god.
Let me leave you with this in mind:
"AND SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God." (1 Co 6:11)
Learning to seek God, and walking by the Spirit of God is what I am doing now, and there is no shame, just learning.
2007-02-04 03:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by ishelp4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's in a threatened state. No worries, he just needs to work through his insecurities. He's your husband and you love him, so help him out - that doesn't mean give in, just try to understand and be sympathetic while gently showing him that he's the only one - male or female - you want. Eventually, he'll see her as just a friend of yours and be cool with her sexuality. If he doesn't get there, maybe some couples counseling to help deal with irrational jealousy is in order. I mean really, can you not have any straight male friends?
Oh, and by the way, it probably won't help to say "honey, you're insecure." Everyone hates that. Know that's what it is, but don't beat him with it.
2007-02-04 00:15:33 · answer #3 · answered by eschampion 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds as if he is not only homophobic but very controlling. For him to flip out like that and tell you who you should be friends with shows that he has some issues he needs to deal with. When you say that you don't care if she is a lesbian or not is an adult response; for him to react like that is a childish response. If your husbands job has a counseling service available, I would suggest that he take advantage of it for both the homophobia as well as the control issues.
2007-02-04 00:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Jay, he is insecure but not because he thinks he doesn't deserve you, he fears your exploring the world around you and meeting new people will take away from the comfortable world you both share. He is afraid of change. Confirm in him that you are going no where, that he is still your love, and invite him to meet your good friend. Explain that just because you have a friend doesn't take away from what the two of you share.
2007-02-03 23:51:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Homophobic and the jealous type by the sounds of it. He may just feel insecure and this girl threatens him. Make sure he knows that you don't have feelings for her and she's in a committed relationship Just tell him that you pick your friends, you're his wife not his slave.
2007-02-04 00:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by Rageling 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is homophobic. Just because she is gay doesn't mean she wants you. Why is he so insecure? It sounds like a problem on his part that he would be jealous and worried that you could be "turned."
Frankly, most of my straight friends' husbands love me. They like that their wives go out and hang out with all of the lesbians and they don't have to worry about men hitting on their wives all night.
2007-02-03 23:43:09 · answer #7 · answered by Beth B 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is insecure, and feels he does not deserve you. As such he feels threatened by anyone who might take you away. He would react the same to any male friend you had and was close to.
Tell him that you will pick your own friends, and he has no say in it.
2007-02-03 23:43:58 · answer #8 · answered by Jay 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should probably be telling him this information instead of us though?
He doesn't have the power to control who you can and can't see, right? If he disagrees and you still want to, you might have issues besides the girl and her roommate to deal with?
2007-02-03 23:45:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's more insecure than homophobic...Maybe afraid you might find someone more exciting than him???--I'm not suggesting that you are gay--just that his perception of himself maybe a little off.
2007-02-03 23:47:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋