2007-02-03 15:07:48 · 11 answers · asked by cyberfox29 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As the ex-wife of an alcoholic who also abused drugs, I found Al-Anon helpful. I'm confident the Narcotics Anonymous has a similar program for family members... found it!
http://nar-anon.org/index.html
By listening to others with similar situations, you don't feel as isolated. You will also learn how to detach from HIS problem.
It is an incredibly difficult time you will be going through, and there are no easy choices. Unfortunately, there are too few happy endings. If you have children, it is even more complicated. Put their well-being first, and make sure they understand that daddy has a disease that is hard for him to heal; and that it changes the way he thinks, so he doesn't always do the right thing. Otherwise they may well turn you into the 'bad guy'. That is what happened to me because I didn't want to put his father down in our son's eyes (he was 5 at the time) so I finally explained it to him as simply as I could, without being demeaning, in order to let the responsibility lay where it belonged.
After the kids, or if there are no kids, you have to put YOU'RE well-being next. If you don't take care of yourself, who will? Obviously he is not going to. So you may want to consider therapy of your own to help you understand how decisions and actions of yours have led you to this place in your life. I know that I overlooked more than I should have and gave thousands of "second" chances to my ex. So although I wasn't making him do what he did, I was tolerating and in some ways enabling it. By examining your own issues within your self and in the relationship, you will hopefully be able to learn and grow so as not to repeat the same mistakes, whether you remain with your husband or have to choose not to.
I wish you a happy ending!
2007-02-03 15:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't admit he has a problem until he gets BUSTED and into a treatment facility or program. Do you love him? Get him into the program! If it is questionable (don't look at his behaviour under the influence, look at how he is sober) then just help yourself...You can't do anything but manipulate or try to manipulate another person because you cannot control another human being, so I suggest stand by him or show him the consequences of not getting help by slapping papers down in front of him! Are there any children in the house? If so, you need to take action or you could be endangering your children by you just having knowledge of the situation and not removing them from it. If not, you are only endangering yourself! Do something soon!
2007-02-03 15:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by laurameetsworld 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to leave, especially if you have children. If he is in denial, he's not going to change anytime soon. Coke head can be very dangerous coming down. I know, I had the same problem with a boyfriend, until I left for good.
2007-02-03 15:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by RiverGirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can do, you can't help someone who is in denial. You have two options, stay or go. No one can tell you what to do in this situation. I would only put up with the squandering of household money for so long before I divorced him, but that's me. Maybe your tolerance is higher than mine.
2007-02-03 15:11:08 · answer #4 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he has to fall flat on his *** first and hit rock bottom, what ever it may be, before he is probably even going to admit to it, it might not be a bad thing to get the law involved, maybe some jail time and forced treatment would help.
2007-02-03 15:52:58 · answer #5 · answered by dari98dae99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 options.
1. stay and put up with his drug use
2. leave or make him leave
3. turn him in to the cops and see if a judge can force him into rehab against his will. once he is in rehab and off the drugs he has a chance at staying off.
2007-02-03 15:27:26 · answer #6 · answered by Tex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get him some help either from family or one of his closest friends you trust. that is a serious promblem that can ruin you life, home, family and marriage. They cannot see it you must see it for them before it is to late.
2007-02-03 15:11:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that he either needs to get help or say goodbye to you, because you wont stand by and watch him use his life away...you care about him more than that..and he needs to make a decision...make no mistake if it isn't already his addiction will start to ruien no only his life, but your own.
2007-02-03 15:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by thereis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say you talk to him get him some help it starts with denial at first but then if you ignore the problem it will only get worse!
2007-02-03 15:10:55 · answer #9 · answered by Baby_K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his butt to the curb
2007-02-03 15:18:38 · answer #10 · answered by swoopbns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋