Don't know what to do...?

Question

Married 9 years, one beautiful child age 5. Before child, lots of cuddling, laughs, out together enjoying life. Since child, hubby ALWAYS wants to stay home in front of tv, never wants to get a sitter, little to no sex, too tired for conversation. Says he's not unhappy, just doesn't need the things I need. Says he's content pursuing his interests (reading & guitar) & just being at home. I am lonely, feel shut out & like all I do is take care of our child with him & am otherwise bored or trying to get one of my married girlfriends to go get a coffee or something. I have asked him to go to marriage counseling. He refused. I don't know what to do. We do NOTHING for our relationship. Sometimes it makes me want to leave him. How can I get him to get interested in "us" again.

Answer 1

What was the last thing you did just for him, expecting nothing in return?

When was the last time you made yourself up pretty, put on something sexy and seduced your man?

When was the last time you flirted with him?

Very often when guys get to into this mode, its a sort of self protection against disappointment or apathy. Men are just human, they need validation, they need to feel needed, valued, important. The male "ego" is ridiculed a lot but it is an important part of a relationship. It is what keeps those guys going down into the coal mines every day to provide for their families.

Feeding his since of worth WILL change things for you, and will get you EVERYTHING you want in the long run. It may take a little time because he is used the the way things have been but stick to it.

Answer 2

A someone who's going through a really tough time with her own husband right now - for different reasons - I can say that your situation could be much worse. Of course I don't know you or all the details of your marriage, but if he's still faithful, not acting stupid at parties, or an abusive drunk, then count your blessings. I'm not trying to invalidate your feelings, and I'm sure that what you're going through is very painful. I'm sorry for your trouble, and also that your child may have to see the only family he/she has ever known come to an end. But one thing I've learned is that men also get a form of post-partum depression, and it sounds like he may have it. I agree that the two of you need some form of counseling, but he's already said no and if you keep working that angle he'll just resist more. Figure out how to get away, just the two of you, for a weekend. I know you said that he just wants to stay home, but try tempting him with something that interests him, like a concert or book-signing by his favorite author. When you're alone together and the two of you start having a good time, maybe that old spark can start to glow again.
Of course it's not fair that you do all the work in the relationship, but things need a jump. Try this, get him to open up, then tell him again in a non-accusatory way how you feel. If he cares at all about your marriage he should start meeting you halfway.

Answer 3

GO TO COUNSELING RIGHT AWAY!!!!!

really. I have sooooo been in your shoes and I went out with my girlfriends, etc. Ended up meeting another guy and decided it would be better anyway, especially since my husband was a jerk and actually, sounds JUST like yours. It wasn't, but I'm glad I stuck it out through counseling first.

If your husband will agree to see a counselor, then the two of you can go together and start to reconnect. If he doesn't want to go, GO ALONE. At least you'll get some great advice!!! :)

Answer 4

Talk to him again, and tell him that you are unhappy and want him to go with you to counseling. Perhaps that will work .If he refuses, you may have to separate from him, and take your child with you. Please leave your girlfriends out of this situation. I am very sorry for your difficult situation, but I feel that much of it is
his fault and he should not be treating you and the child in this
manner.

Answer 5

Does he work or do you? If You work, you need to make him get the job. Your place as a mother is not in the home. Sorry, its mean, it's "oppersive" its sexist..whatever..

The way to get him intertested in you again, is to get interested in HIM. Sit down and watch tv with him. Ask if there is a two player video game he likes to play. Fix supper so you have to sit at the table not the tv. Initait sex once in awhile, give him compliments..ect..

Answer 6

i have the exact same problem, but I don't have any kids and have been married 8 years. I think the best answer I can give is that you are doing what you need to do...it isn't about how to get him interested...he needs to care enough to *be* interested and if he isn't...well he shouldn't expect you to sit around and wait forever. This I say as I'm sitting around waiting. Good Luck.

Answer 7

Has he said why he's not interested in counseling? There may be more to this than may appear. However, if this isn't how he's always been, then you should tell him how you feel, make him see that you're unhappy and that you want to make it work.

Good luck.

Answer 8

well if he is that unwilling to do things with you, your options are limited. If you have really tried everything then maybe the threat of leaving him will be a wake up call. Or maybe he just is not interested anymore and is there becuase he has nothing else.

Answer 9

Try seeing a marriage counselor on your own first for advice. Eventually he will have to join you, or the marriage will get worse and you will become more unhappy. Good Luck. :-))

Answer 10

It probably isn't going to happen. Sounds like he's dug his heels in and isn't willing to work with you regarding counseling. I would think real hard of how your future will be with him. Good Luck.